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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Narcissistic behaviour

39 replies

Noregrets25 · 17/05/2018 22:17

Hello
So i don’t want to say how I think my partner is narcissistic because I want an overall judgement if that makes sense?! I decided I would tell him tonight that I thought he was... it didn’t go well, currently he’s packing his bags..... so what do you think I s a narcissistic person... and because I assume we all have traits what traits would make you think’ go on pack your bags mate!!!’

OP posts:
LiteraryDevil · 17/05/2018 22:36

Well narc or not he's certainly spat dummy out! Seems rather extreme.

Original poster
Noregrets25 · 17/05/2018 22:40

Yup!! He’s not happy! Tried to argue my pints, even took an online test.. then said ‘you just like to label’... maybe I do maybe I’m looking too much into it but....

OP posts:
Original poster
Noregrets25 · 17/05/2018 22:41

Obviously I mean points not pints that would be weird! Blush

OP posts:
NewYearNewMe18 · 17/05/2018 22:45

NPD is a real personality disorder. So telling someone you think they have NPD, what did you hope to achieve? For him to change his personality? I'm afraid that would be (apologies to readers, no offence intended) just like telling someone with Parkinson's to stop shaking.

iamkahleesi · 17/05/2018 22:50

A narcissist is never going to accept they're a narcissist, it is a clinical diagnosis not a term to be used lightly.

Chuggachugga · 17/05/2018 23:02

I thought it was the other way round. A narcissist is happy to admit it. Although if you call out their insecurities then they tend to blow it all out of proportion and go on the offensive... hmmm...

I believe you.

FissionChips · 17/05/2018 23:04

Why does it matter? If he’s being a twat then get rid of him, no need for drama.

RadiantResults · 17/05/2018 23:12

Tell him what you dislike about his behaviour not what you think is wrong with him. He could have npd or any other number of disorders. None of that matters!
Also its narcissistic to diagnose such a disorder without the required qualifications. I'm guessing you don't have them otherwise you wouldn't be asking us.
pot.... kettle...

MaiaRindell · 17/05/2018 23:13

To me, narcissistic behaviour would be expecting special treatment, feeling superior, disregarding the feelings and needs of others, needing to be worshipped, constant ego massaging, an inBility to compromise or give in

MaiaRindell · 17/05/2018 23:14

...but I think you can probably have narcissistic traits without having NPD.

persypear · 17/05/2018 23:21

Well it isn't exactly a compliment so on the off-chance that he isn't a narcissist, then he has a right to be upset that you think he is. More so if it came as a shock (speaking as someone who's not very stable Mother makes similaar accusing, wrong and projecting diagnoses)

But if he is a narc, or has traits, then he won't enjoy being exposed any more than any other person, and more than many. (narc do actually have feelings, and obviously take critcism badly!) So perhaps his reaction 'proves' you right, perhaps it does not...

Is it possible that you didn't go about it in the most constructive way ie i am concerned about these things that happen and I would like to talk about it? An out of the blue/ blunt accusation might upset anyone.

MightyMucks · 18/05/2018 07:01

Also its narcissistic to diagnose such a disorder without the required qualifications. I'm guessing you don't have them otherwise you wouldn't be asking

Exactly. Gaslighting by accusing others of your own faults is totally narc.

OP, I think if anybody has a partner who labels them as having a serious MH problem without qualifications or the ability to diagnose, then the partner probaly deserves dumping.

Original poster
Noregrets25 · 18/05/2018 07:42

You lot are hilarious, asking for advice, which none of you have given, all you have done is get your high horses. Ever been in a relationship that your not sure
About? I’m happy to admit it if I’m wrong
about, in fact it would be better for me to be wrong and think of ways to try and work through it. So perhaps next time you lot want to shout someone down, who lets face it is in a pickle because they have to use a
Bloody chat room for advice, think about their mental health, not just try and be the harshest to get your response on the daily mail.

OP posts:
MightyMucks · 18/05/2018 07:46

Ever been in a relationship that your not sure About?

Yes. And I managed not to diagnose them with mental illnesses at all. If a bloke came on here and said he’d accused his DW of having a mental illness he’d have his arse handed to him on a plate.

RosyPrimroseface · 18/05/2018 07:48

I've counted at least 6 or 7 posts above that give advice - identifying what they think are narc traits and talking about what might happen if someone accuses someone else of narcissism.

Not sure where your perception of the 'high horses' comes from?

The thing is, we only have your posts to go on. So we have someone who has got angry with us all on the first page.

MsSquiz · 18/05/2018 07:51

I consider my SIL to be a narcissist. She shows all of the classic traits, all of them. But to others portrays herself as the victim, completely innocent of all wrong doing.
She is the only thing DH and I argue about - her behaviour towards me that no one else can see.

I like to think the attached picture sums up a narc perfectly

Narcissistic behaviour
KittyVonCatsworth · 18/05/2018 07:52

I’m bamboozled by your response OP, I see no one getting on their high horse at all Confused

There’s obviously been a build up to you having this conversation and I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt but it sounds like you’re unhappy and have been for a while. If that’s the case then let him go. Have you been together long? Has he changed since you’ve been together?

Returnofthesmileybar · 18/05/2018 07:57

To be fair though you didn't ask for advice, you asked what people here think the traits of a narcissist are. If you want advice you could actually give your dp's traits and people can advise you, otherwise it's a case of you think he is a narcissist, he doesn't, he is offended and leaving, nobody can really offer advice on that as there isn't enough detail

50shadesofgreyismylaundry · 18/05/2018 08:01

There's no point moaning at us. You've only told us you've called your dp a narc and he's upset and done one. Not surprising really, it's not nice to think your partner thinks that of you. We can't judge, you've not told us any of his behaviour.

Not sure what you want really. You can't expect him to say sorry I'll not be a narc then. If he is, and you're not happy then dump him.

NewYearNewMe18 · 18/05/2018 08:03

OP this is chat room for 'moral and ethical dilemas' … not NHS direct.

Gin96 · 18/05/2018 08:15

My SIL has typical narcissistic behaviour she either loves you or hates you, family gatherings all you hear is her voice, she is the most important person in the whole world, she can do whatever she likes but don't dare criticise her, if you do something she doesn't she yell and scream at you in front of the whole family, she has no boundaries, she doesn't care what she says to people. Why my husbands family put up with her I don't know

Original poster
Noregrets25 · 18/05/2018 08:16

Yeh I’m not really sure what I wanted either. Been together 4 years, and the last year hasn’t been great. My original post was because I just wanted to know the traits. I mean I’ve researched it and it seems I am right, I understand it’s a personality disorder but what if they don’t have it and quite frankly they are just not very nice. Either way are you wrong to leave? I mean if someone is mentally ill are you wrong for not helping. Can they ever control a personality disorder. Sorry for my outburst, been up all night and just had enough. Had enough of always being wrong. Feeling very sorry myself!!! Better get my big girls pants on and sort myself out!!!

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 18/05/2018 08:17

If you think he's got a personality disorder, you're clearly not happy with him, so chucking him out is a good idea whatever the reasons behind his unacceptable behaviour. It's always better to dump a partner who is a pain in the arse, not waste time 'working on the relationship'.
Dick is abundant and of low value.

Original poster
Noregrets25 · 18/05/2018 08:18

Thanks Gin96, that all sounds familiar.

OP posts:
extinctspecies · 18/05/2018 08:21

OP, how did you expect him to respond when you broached the question?