Knowing midwife when in labour

[ALY44]

Due to give birth soon.

A parent who's daughter goes to school with my daughter is a midwife at the hospital. they keeps telling me what days they are working around my due date and how they hope they are working when I'm in labour..... Aibu to request that they do not take part in my care as I find it really uncomfortable having someone there whom I know in this capacity?

Perfectly reasonable. Unless they were a close friend, I wouldn't want them involved.

Yanbu, I would HATE that! Especially as she keeps mentioning it, that in itself is weird imo

That's really unprofessional of her.

Absolutely fine to do. For me having someone like that there would make me nervous/stressed, with the obvious potential impact on things.

Bloody hell, how unprofessional?!

I'm sure she means well, but maybe say something like "I'm not sure I could look you in the face after you've seen my foof". She'd get the hint, I'm sure.

That's somewhat insensitive of her. She should realise you may not want her involved at all. You can mention when you phone in to tell them that you are going in that you'd rather be cared for by someone else as you feel a little uncomfortable. It really shouldn't be a problem. Then when you meet your assigned midwife when you are on the labour ward, make sure that you let her know so that she doesn't ask the lady that you know to cover for her during your labour.

Stop this straight away. Next time she mentions it just say, ‘Oh Jenny, that’s really kind of you but to be honest I’d actually prefer to be looked after by someone I don’t know socially, I’m sure you understand.’

‘Jenny’ may or may not fully understand, depending on her emotional intelligence but she can’t fail to get the message and shouldn’t take any offence.

As a former midwife I think it’s very cheeky and presumptious to assume any friend or aquaintance would want her caring for them in labour with any discussion or request.

Generally the staff aren't allowed to look after people they know anyway, so I wouldn't worry. I'd take it to mean she wants to be on shift - likely to see you and baby - but not actual delivering your baby.

I don't think I'd really give a shit who the midwife was when in labour. She's being a bit odd to keep on about it though

My childhood best friend was on duty the night I gave birth. I requested not to have her and she requested not to have me, in case something awful happened. She was in and out of the room and looked after my mum when but in a friend capacity. It’s perfectly fine.

I always request "not xxx" when i go to my surgery - I do not want my friend doing my smear thank you. Absolutely make it clear she is not to be present.

Glad others think it's unprofessional as well it's making me feel really uncomfortable.

@RoomOfRequirement I don't want her meeting baby at this time anyway as again, I don't really know her in a friend capacity and have even told family no visitors in hospital so I certainly don't want people from the school gates

I have a similar situation with a friend/neighbour and was only too pleased to discover I wasn't going to be able to deliver in the unit she works in! She did pop her head round the door when I was admitted, and it was nice to see her, but I couldn't have hung out with her at the pub if she had been there when they were rummaging around up my hoo-ha trying to break my waters and I was yelling about it!

OP I'm due my third baby next week and am in a similar position.

However the lady in question actually messaged me to ask if I were to go into labour on a day she is working would I be comfortable with her being involved if she was assigned to me at the hospital, if I wasn't comfortable she could remove herself for the situation as we know each other.

It doesn't really bother me tbh but I really appreciated her asking.

Honestly? I think while she should be professional and obey your wishes, it will sound a bit odd to say you don't even want her to see you or the baby post birth. While I know the 'only me and partner' at the hospital is a very MN thing, in my experience it's a little unusual IRL. While she should be 100% on board with not being clinically involved, I'm not sure how 'Don't see me' will go down. It's a tricky situation when you birth in a place someone else works.

But I'm sure she'll be professional and do what you ask. Just realise it may come across a little rude, regardless of your good intentions.

I don't mean this to come across negatively by the way, you are well within your rights to have whatever you want as a labouring mum and I support it 100%. I'm just trying to think of it from the other side.

TBH Dolly Parton could be down there singing 9-5 into your vagina and you probably won’t care when the time comes....

@FenellaMaxwellsPony this is my second I've given birth before and wouldn't have wanted her there the first time either haha.

Stop this straight away. Next time she mentions it just say, ‘Oh Jenny, that’s really kind of you but to be honest I’d actually prefer to be looked after by someone I don’t know socially, I’m sure you understand.’

This.

It’s not really fair to say OP won’t care when the time comes. I would prefer not to be topless in public, if that happened so I could have CPR in a shopping centre I suppose I wouldn’t care at the time, but I still wouldn’t feel happy afterwards. anything that makes OP feel uncomfortable is not likely to help her labour.

I had similar concerns about a girl I went to school with when I was pregnant. When I had my pre-birth chat with my midwife she asked if there were any midwives I knew who worked at the hospital and wrote down their name on my notes, and that I did not want them present during labour or birth. She also said that any midwife, if behaving professionally, should leave the room if they enter and find that their patient is someone that they know, and swap with another midwife. So I would definitely bring it up with your midwife first and explain that you do not want this woman present during your labour or birth.

As for her visiting post-birth, just explain to her that not even family are visiting you at the hospital as you are not comfortable with that. If she doesn't get the message then I would just mention it to the midwives on the post-natal ward. They will probably find it pretty odd and unprofessional of her to insist she visits if you don't want her there.

Hmm. Yanbu. After I had dd they sent in a friend of mine (student nurse at the time) to change my catheter.. noooo. But.. my sister's friend also worked on the ward and checked on me loads, snuck me extra toast etc and kept me fully up to date on dd who was on NICU. She was a godsend.

My mum (works in something like that on the ward) wasn't allowed to work on the wards around my due date, she had to do community care just in case I went into labour. Instead I got her work colleagues who I know in a vague capacity staring at my vagina as my kids made the debut into the world
They still ask about the kids now haha

I had similar- someone I know works in a supportive capacity in the local hospitals maternity ward. They were banging on about how they’d be the first to meet my dc to anyone who’d listen. Was so funny when she eventually saw my dc for the first time at a month old out for a walk. She was all ‘I kept checking to see when you were admitted I told everyone something must have gone wrong!’

Didn’t tell her I was booked to give birth in a different hospital 😂 bloody glad too, nosy bitch had everyone thinking I’d lost my baby. Had messages of sympathy. Fucking psycho. Reported her for it too

My assigned midwife for DC3 was someone I didn't get on with in school and who's husband worked for DH, he had form for 'banter' about the state of the wives and girlfriends fanjo's during and after birth.
I declined her and she was fine about it however it did mean I had to wait for the next available midwife. By the time she was available the baby was crowning. I had to beg her to stop doing paperwork and trying to get me on the monitor and give me the gas and air! DC was born about 10 mins later.