to use their name

[ScoobyCan]

Went supermarket shopping with friends recently.

Lovely lady was at the checkout. Her name - Gail - was clearly written on a name tag on her lapel. I struck up a conversation with her as she priced up my goods, and I called her Gail a couple of times. As we left I wished her a good day.

My friends think I'm odd for calling her by her name tag name. I have always done it, and I have always believed that it is a polite thing to do. Apparently they don't, and that's not what it is there for.

AIBU to think that if a member of staff in a bank, retail outlet, restaurant or other has their name displayed clearly on a name badge, it is for the purpose of a customer using it to be polite if they so wish? Or is it so I know who to refer to if I make a complaint?!

You sound patronising when you do this. I hated it when l worked in retail many moons ago. Its almost like a class thing and you having the upper hand are entitled to know my name because lm 'only a shopgirl' or something. I agree with others it does come across as a power trip

I had the wrong name tag for years in a teenage job.

Gloria, which is not my name. Loved it.

@TroysMammy

Similar. Mine was "I'm 16, you disgusting perve"

This happened to me today in the staff canteen - the guy serving called me by my name after reading it on my staff id card which was round my neck. It felt kinda weird! I'm in a new building where I have to wear id at all times which I'm unused to!

It comes across as very patronising ime

I haven't disappeared but am just catching up - I have previously worked in a Bank and had a name tag, but was the receptionist (initial point of contact) for each customer entering, so never felt intimidated when they used my name as it was a fairly formal setting.

I never intended for the conversation to come across as patronising - far from it - it was a Bank Holiday and we were buying BBQ food because the weather was so wonderful - I struck up a conversation with the lady quite simply to ask how long her shift was and whether she might enjoy some of the sunshine herself - sadly not she said as she was working until 6, but that she would much rather join us for a BBQ in the sunshine. It was a very pleasant conversation.

I shall refrain from creeping people out in the future and mind my manners from now on - thanks for the insight!

"It never sounds natural to me; in normal discourse, we only usually use our interlocutor’s name to get their attention."

This 100%. I hate being called by my name even by people I know. It either sounds:

1. A bit patronising or like you're being told off somehow
2. Like someone's been on a shit course which has told them it builds rapport (young salesmen do it)
3. Just creepy and weird

Being in a job where you have to wear your name is bad enough without people coming up and being weird and overfamiliar. I hated it.

I don't wear my name badge for this reason.
Our local Tesco (and a few other places) have a rule of not allowing staff to take their name badges home, and if they do and then forget to wear them on their next shift, they have to take one from the nametag bowl. I went in one day and my friend Matthew, had been renamed and was now called Charlotte. It's a silly rule.

I've worked in lots of places where I wore a name tag, and some where people just asked my name. Really doesn't bother me. Being called "waitress" or "girl" by people who could see my name was demeaning, not being called Vampire.

No, it's horrible.
You get to walk away after indulging your 'I'm so friendly to store staff' thing, while they are sat there trying to work out whether they're just been patronised or whether they actually know you.

Actually, the reverse of this is one of the reasons I don’t like Starbucks: there is a primal bit of my brain which says “but I don’t know you, I just want a coffee, I don’t want to have to allow you to call me by my first name”

The3 - To be fair, Starbucks asks for your name, they don't say it has to be your first name. It's like with booking a taxi, you can choose which one you give. I give a fake name there as I have a name that would take too much time to spell out and explain.

@MarthaArthur really? Surely it's only a dominance thing if you intend it to be?

OP I see nothing wrong with what you did. Their names are there so why not use them?

@Justabadwife no its not silly. What if someone had a complaint to make about you (or... Maybe... A compliment) your manager needs to know who the customer is talking about. I've made complaints about specific people working in shops and I've also complimented them, if the person wasn't wearing their badge they couldn't be dealt with or praised for what they've done.

I don’t think it’s rude at all, but I grew up with my father doing this to anyone and everyone and it was just his way of being polite and friendly, mind you he’d happily say “g’day” to a random in the street if they made eye contact walking past and the other person usually stopped to reciprocate the greeting and ask how his day was etc. these days it seems far less common though which sometimes I find sad.

I used to get it a lot when I worked in hospitality and I didn’t mind but customers used to strike up a half decent conversation while I was making their coffees or whatever so it never felt creepy or patronising. It was only slightly creepy if people tried to make my name cutesie and add “baby” to the end of it (say my name was “Sam” they’d randomly call me “Sammy baby” which was creepy). When I worked on a helpdesk though I used to lie and say my name was Sarah because I was the only person on the phone and you’d get some creepy repeat callers who were usually lonely old men, one read me a poem and used to go on about “Sarah is a princess name..” weird.

I do it to online helpdesks and over the phone if someone answers as “Ben speaking” I will be all “Hi Ben...” and start the conversation. Same way at work our phones always come up with the callers name so I’d often read the name on my caller ID and address them by it as to be polite, even if I’d never met them. Not sure what names are for if not to be used..

I was Charlotte for 6 months in my retail job. Never really responded to it because it’s not my name!

I think it was Alan Carr who said he worked somewhere like B&Q and they all used to swap their name badges around.

I don’t mind people calling me my name but what I hated was when I worked for one of the big coffee chains, out name badges includes our surnames. Me and two of the other women I worked with were harassed on social media to varying degrees. One didn’t mind as she truly saw the customers as her friends but for me and the other it was horrendously intrusive and we both stopped wearing our badges until they were prepared to just have our first names on them. I think they’ve now changed this across the chain (although they did have a phase of putting the flag from your country of origin on your badges too )

I've shopped at my local Sainsbury's every day since it opened in 2014, and every day in the old store since 2011. I'd think I was being rude if I didn't call staff by their names. Some of them know my name too, and call me by it.

My exh does this, and he also calls young women 'young lady' I think that alone makes it obvious that his behaviour is dominate and patronising in an unequal interaction.

Please don't do it OP. It doesn't come across as friendly, although I'm sure you meant it that way, unless you introduce yourself and the woman at the checkout can call you by your first name too.

I really hated it when people did that.

I think it's weird but then I have an irrational hatred of people using names in direct conversation. Like, I know you're talking to me because you're looking at me and answering a question that I just asked - you don't need to use my name.

I hate being called by my name even by people I know.

I agree. It's odd although I've no idea why it should be.

DH called me by my name when saying I love you the other week - it completely threw me. We say "I love you" all the time but never with a name tacked on the end. It sounded like he was about to tell me something horrendous.

I think this is hilarious! In the States, retailers are told to scan you and find one thing to compliment you on as part of their interaction with you... using their name is just normal... and in England it’s creepy.

Can I just point out and it’s fairly recently that pins and contactless cards became our norm? For years, customers would be handing credit cards with their first and last names over to retailers who were wearing a fake first name badge : So the person behind the till always held more info about our identity.

I think retailers should allow you to have fake name badges like London TFL does.
You don’t get creeped out, customer can have a friendly exchange with you. Win win.