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AIBU?

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Original poster

Or is he, RE splinter in child’s hand?

78 replies

Pettyspaghetti · 15/05/2018 19:36

Looking for advice on this, and if I’ve gone about it the wrong way.
DD (5) showed me a splinter that she gotten yesterday (I work nights so was at work when this happened). I asked DH why he hadn’t removed it, to which he replied “she would let me”.
I asked DD if I could have a look and take it out. She refused. I tried reasoning with her, telling her it would get very poorly if left in etc but she wouldn’t let me anywhere near it. So I left it, and told her we’d have to get it out after school.
3pm comes, and once DD is home from school and settled, I tell her that we’re going to get the splinter out now so it won’t hurt her anymore, and possibly get infected. I tried numbing it with some ice first, and attempted to take it out. ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. DD turned into some sort of demon, kicking, screaming, the works. I’d barely been able to touch the bloody splinter! While I’m trying to wrestle with the banshee in the kitchen, DH is sat on his phone in the living room, completely ignoring the issue.
I eventually gave up, my ear drums were close to bursting and DD wasn’t cooperating. I turned around to see DH watching me with a look of disgust on his face.
I’m now at work, and have since had a few messages from DH saying that I was wrong to try and remove it, and that I have traumatised DD Confused. He’s made me feel like absolute shit! I know splinters aren’t pleasant, but the alternative is an infected hand which would be much worse. DH has very blatantly put the blame on me, and now I’m a rubbish mother (according to him) Sad
Was I unreasonable in trying to remove a splinter from my daughter? Am I being too harsh on her?

OP posts:
abbsisspartacus · 15/05/2018 20:00

I have the same issue with mine the worst is veruccas my youngest kicked off so badly he caught it on a drawer front and nearly tore it off Blush went to minor injury with that one as all we could see was a hole and a lot of blood strangely it cleared up after that

I live in fear of another

nursy1 · 15/05/2018 20:01

The magnesium sulphate paste should work.
You DH is really not being helpful.

AsAProfessionalFekko · 15/05/2018 20:02

Couldn't he have offered to buy it from her for an ice cream/£2? It's amazing how you can barter with kids sometimes...

maddening · 15/05/2018 20:04

Germaline and a plaster for the next one

Ickyockycocky · 15/05/2018 20:04

Best method is to put plenty of smarties in a dish, tell DC to eat them one at a time using other hand whilst you quickly have a “look” at the splinter. You’ll have it out before they have finished the smarties. Tried and tested 😎

TheOriginalEmu · 15/05/2018 20:04

I would have pinned her down OP. and If people think that makes me a terrible mother, so be it really. Children need to learn that in life not everything is optional. They will not learn resilience if they can scream their way out of things they don't like.

AsAProfessionalFekko · 15/05/2018 20:05

That's a good one! How about trying to get eye cream into a child? That's like wrestling a very pissed off hungry bear.

tolerable · 15/05/2018 20:11

if you mix bicarb of soda with a drip of water to become a paste,blob it on (i make hysteria prone child do that part)then cover with a plaster it raises the skelf right up to the surface..so easy to remove- moreso,if you wait til theyre sleeping.lol lol

AsAProfessionalFekko · 15/05/2018 20:12

Skelf - Scottish by any chance?

speakout · 15/05/2018 20:12

Yes magnesium sulphate paste is great.

Cover with a little paste, put on a plaster and the splinter will be out nest morning.

It's also antiseptic so will reduce infection risk.

tid2018 · 15/05/2018 20:13

I have found that putting some Savlon then a plaster helps to draw splinters out

Original poster
Pettyspaghetti · 15/05/2018 20:13

Love the smarties idea. Even better as DH would have had to cope with a scatty 5 year old while I work!
I always thought that as a Mum you have to do things that aren’t necessary nice, but for the good of your child. I don’t like seeing her in pain, and I also don’t want to be the one causing it. I’m sure there been many a time where my own Mum had to potentially pin me down to get rid of a few splinters, but It’s definitely not something I’d see a therapist about! Traumatised Hmm
I’m really angry with DH, it’s one thing to just sit back and watch, but then to criticise and tell me I’d done it all wrong. He’s also told he’s not going to remove it now because of how much I have traumatised our child.

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 15/05/2018 20:14

I agree that the splinter needed to be removed and your DH letting your DD dictate the treatment was cowardly and irresponsible. But your own treatment of your DD sounded lacking in empathy and tact.

But these are brutish ways to tackle splinters. Having left it so long it may well have swollen and made it more painful to remove. A long bath, or covering with damp bicarb of soda held in place with a band aid, some ibuprofen and some distraction can often get one out with little or no effort and pain.

Sidge · 15/05/2018 20:15

It’s more likely to get infected by digging it out, than leaving it to work it’s own way out.

Our skin is quite good at getting rid of foreign bodies all by itself. Leave it be. If it starts looking manky get it seen, otherwise leave it.

He was a prat.

You overreacted.

GabsAlot · 15/05/2018 20:17

so is dh going to deal with it when it becomes infected

dickhead

EdWinchester · 15/05/2018 20:19

In my experience, splinters usually work themselves at least partially free.

I wouldn't be wrestling with a young child unless it was a very last resort.

user1483644229 · 15/05/2018 20:19

I agree with those saying to use magnesium sulphate. Put a bit on it then a plaster on it for over night. It works wonders! Agree it needs to come out.

RosieposiePuddingandPi · 15/05/2018 20:19

Your DH does sound like a bit of a tit in this situation OP. The best bit of advice I ever had for splinters is to use the syringe that comes with calpol to suck it out while they're distracted. Works every time for little ones,

CaledonianQueen · 15/05/2018 20:20

OP I have been there and done that and my dd screamed like a banshee just at the sight of the tweezers! We actually texted our neighbours to apologise and reassure them that we were not murdering our dd, she was just hysterical at the thought of getting a splinter out!

I usually use the soaking in warm water and then bicarb with water paste and pop a plaster on it overnight. The next morning whilst dd is busy watching something I quickly checked for the splinter, often it would be just at the surface so I could grab at it with the tweezers and in seconds it was gone. Dd had the decency to apologise last time, saying she thought it would hurt. Now she is 8, I hand her the tweezers now and she can usually remove it herself.

I would tell your DH that he is a judgemental a**hole! if your DD is like mine and has a flair for the dramatic then he should have realised that the screaming was her own fear, magnified for full dramatic effect!

Aridane · 15/05/2018 20:22

I thought you just let splinters work their own way out

ipswichwitch · 15/05/2018 20:25

Funnily enough DS2 has one in his hand. Coaxing, being firm, bribery, distraction have all been an epic fail. I’m waiting for him to go to sleep then I’ll take it out. Same thing I have to do now with cutting toe nails. He is being assessed for asd, which explains the severity of his reactions and I’m no fan of being punched and kicked.

Blahdeblah123 · 15/05/2018 20:26

Stick her in a warm bath for half an hour with a load of bubbles and toys. It will work it's way out. You have both overreacted.
're veruccas after about 2 years of trying to get rid of nearly 36 on DD, including hospital trips to freeze them (seriously they were raw and awful). We found liberal amounts of sudocream covered with duct tape and left on for at least 3 days a r a time. After about a month they have all gone and 5 years later not returned. Good luck bloody awful things.

AcerTree · 15/05/2018 20:27

With my kids I always put vaseline over the splinter area, wait 5 mins, then the splinter normally slides out easily with the use of tweezers or with gentle pushing from the end of the splinter.

colditz · 15/05/2018 20:29

ipswichwitch, ds1 has hfasd and STILL objects to me cutting his toenails despite being 15.

MismatchedPJs · 15/05/2018 20:31

My parents were expert splinter removers thanks to our exploits. Even when we'd got them doing things we shouldn't - which was nearly always - we had a lolly for splinters. A sugar hit is meant to reduce the stress, pain or something.

Our method is supply lolly, secure arm and block child's sight with cushions etc and do it gently. If it's not budging, bung some savlon or mag sulph on it under a plaster and try again in a day or two. They do have a way of working themselves out.

Obviously occasionally you do need to hold children down, and I've done it plenty of times for teeth brushing. But a splinter should be ok for a couple of days dressed with antiseptic.

I wouldn't pumice a verruca if they're screaming either. The verruca treatment is meant to kill off the skin and then you pumice off the dead bits, not the bits that still hurt.