To ask what your quality of life is like compared to your parents'?

[Echobelly]

Do you think you have it better than your parents or not? And will your kids have it better than you?

We are fortunate to have a good quality of life, owning a good sized home without too massive a mortgage, money left after bills. But (though I expect no little violins whatsoever to play for us) at our age my parents in the same position could regularly go to the opera, my mum could buy designer clothes (I twitch at spending over £40 on anything), they could buy new cars (we've never owned a new one), could send my brother to private school (wouldn't want to pay for schools, though) and so on. I guess this is a lot to do with that they bought our family home for less than 1.3 times their household income... our one was over 8 times, although we were very privileged in having two properties to sell. But still a much bigger proportion of our income goes into mortgage than it did for either of our parents.

I do worry for our kids... unless something majorly and permanently gives with the housing market, it's going to be impossible to own somewhere. The best hope seems to be that a decent corporate-run rental market emerges and they buying a place is less of an issue. I hate debt and I'm almost inclined to advise them not to bother with degrees if their main impact on life is a 5 or even 6-figure debt to start your adult life... maybe it'll be better to work your way up after leaving school!

What an i teresting thread. Ours is a mixed bag.

DH's side. Both his parents were feom piss poor backgrounds. Grandad started as a miner, grandma from Tooley street although they did well individually and succeeded as a couple. They ended up as servants in the RH and put all their DC through grammar school and all took vocational and professional quals. MIL became a deputy head. FIL was brought up in back to back land and was a highly skilled engineer. Their DC should have had a wonderful life but the poverty of theor early years clouded fun and ambition. Their DC had frugal lives based on pwrception rather than means. DH and his sisters were hungry but when FIL died there was £1m in the bank whilst MIL and FIL lived in what appeared to be poverty. In a house purchased outright in 1960.

Of my lot Grandma was from Irish stock, who arrived in the potato famine and did well. Her mother married into landowners. Her DH was Russian aristocracy but arrived via China aged 8ish and married into grannies money and land but together they worked. However grannie would have inherited nothing but for the fact that her elder brother was in a Jap POW camp and shot himself in 1962. My mother had a charmed life and my GP's lost a lot due to 1970s punitive death duties.

My mother lived a charmed life and married my father in an empire line frock aged 23. My father arrived in the UK via kinder transport aged 10 and never really got over it.

My parents were/have been married 3 times each. All my grandparents' money is gone and mother has lived the life of riley.

This made DH and I resolute. I had a very good and privileged childhood. DH had a rather bitter and stingy one. Mine instilled confidence, DH's self doubt.

DH and I have both been professionally successful. DH has a brain the size of a small planet. DH has earned jaw dropping amounts and we have a very good life.

Both DC are academic and I expect them to flourish (20 and 23). DD will have always to deal with the frailty of MH issues.

Our professional success means both FC will want for nothing. They also have a privilege that wealth cannot buy - they were both wanted and loved and encouraged.

Neither of our mothers fulfilled themselves or truly accepted themselves. Neither understand the disadvantage or impact of burying a child. I do. Wealth does not compare to that and to have that little boy back I would happily live in the meaneat streets and have no privilege but the love that motherhood brings.

It isn't all about money. He would be 21 this year.

Definitely better - both sets of parents worked in low paid manual jobs and worked hard to make ends meet. No luxuries growing up, no car, a week in a caravan in the summer, etc etc Neiither dh or I went to uni but both have well paying careers with nice house , company cars, private school etc - children only 12 and 9 so difficult to guess what they might end up doing!

We're much better off than both sets of our parents property wise in that we moved up to a bigger house at the age that they'd stayed put. The flip side is that we will have a mortgage later than them but loads more equity.
We also inherited a similar amount from gp's as they did but we put ours into buying another property. Theirs was banked and some spent so would have made less return.
Wages wise DH probably just pips my dad as the highest earner.
Pensions will be similar and we should be retired before the age of three of them.
Our DC have traveled all over the world, will get a help with deposit and other things same as us and will hopefully inherit more than one house.

In some ways it's better, in some ways it's worse.

My parents more money and a much bigger house than I do. On the down side they are hoarders and can't keep on top of everything, living with piles of junk and leading a very disorganised life. They have very unhealthy habits and eat badly. They don't have any friends. They never go on holiday or enjoy their wealth.

I think I have a much better, healthier and more enjoyable lifestyle; just with less money and less space.

I won't inherit anything from them.

Would say not better or worse, but different.

Financially, probably about even stevens. But, my Mum had no problems getting work and could work around us very easily, didn't work full time until I was nearly 13 (I am the younger sibling), My Dad worked for a big company and is now benefitting from a final salary pension scheme. He rarely had to do overtime, his hours were a very standard 9-5. In comparision, my husband works shifts although does get good benefits and I am self-employed, dont get many breaks and earn enough to get by but not brilliant.

In terms of housing, probably in a better position cause we bought at the right time

In terms of family support and quality of family life, considerably worse. We have no family help, our oldest DS has had some problems this year so its almost impossible to go out on our own. Need to start going out together in the day but not easy cause of my work. I fear for our marriage tbh. On the other had, my parents had some family support (although it was limited) and the estate where I grew up had a babysitting circle where you got paid in beans not money. Also because the world was less childgentric, my parents had far more "us" time than we get, far more leisure time in the evening. We had to toe the line so in my mind (whilst it was unhealthy in other ways), my parents generally had an easier life.

My parents have very little cash but don't spend much either. We have more coming in but mortgage / nursery fees to pay. I don't think the end result is much different, we have enough money for our fairly modest tastes.

They have benefitted from quite a few inheritances, I'm expecting it all to go on care home fees though!

Much more comfortable than my parents . My mum would have loved to have gone to university but a job was found for her when she was 15 and she had to contribute to the family pot .
My dad lost his dad at 12 and was working full time on the family farm at 14 . Mum married at 21 and had me at 22 with three more children following in quick succession . All four of us are well educated . They both wanted a better life for us than they had . I had my children in my 30’s and only have 2 . They have a much better standard of living than I did as a child .

OhtheRoses your post is heart breaking and life affirming at the same time

My Mum and Dad were both trained professionals but started off as Cadets so kind of an apprentice situation.
Paid 7k for the large house but then nearly lost it when interest rates went bonkers in the 80s.
My Mum was a stay at home Mum until I was seven.
Now own the house they have outright with no mortgage and are comfortable.

I'm in a one bed flat with my children following an awful marriage and divorce.

I'm better off in a settled way than my Mother though she was only hard up due to having six dc and her bizarre lifestyle. We lived in an amazing house but that was it. DH parents were very wealthy, housekeeper, huge house on a private road in Surrey with an in and out drive I think it last sold for three millions a couple of years ago, second home, holidays abroad every year way back in early seventies when it was rarer to travel abroad and DH attended a top public school, last time we looked they charged 25k per year.

My Mother had a very exciting life as she was on the stage and a model until her late twenties. She was a breathtakingly beautiful woman, a little crazy really and men adored her. She married four times and was a terribly exciting person though rather destructive.

DH Mother though she always had money had a rather sterile Stepford wife kind of a life.

I'd say we have a better quality of life than my DPs had. Mine had a large family on a low income and really most of their money, time and energy was spent on just getting by. Days out were very rare and we never, ever went on a holiday all together as a family. They didn't really have a social life other than the odd wedding or Christmas/New Years get together. To be fair there was very little left over once the mortgage, bills and food had been covered.

By comparison DH and I both work full time and have a good income, smaller family, bigger, more comfortable house and more mod cons. We have a good social life, can afford activities for the dc, holidays etc.

That probably sounds like I'm judging quality of life by what money can buy but it's not that really. I just think being comfortable financially goes a long way toward alleviating stress. Life is a lot nicer if you're not worrying about how long the heating has been on, if you can afford a car rather than depending on public transport in all weathers, when you can "buy" time by paying more for prepared fresh food or for a cleaner, when you can have holidays, weekend breaks and nights out to look forward to.

I'd definitely choose my life over my mothers though I'm not certain she'd agree. Her life was very much what she expected it to be and pretty similar to her sisters, friends and neighbours so I don't think she felt hard done by.

We are definitely better off. We were broke for a shorter time when the dcs were little, for my DP I think it went on for years. Maternity leave and ( European) working rights has benefited me immensely. I was able to work part time for a really good wage while the dcs were at primary school, DM had to take what she could get and spent many years on temporary part time contracts ( 80's). The interest rates were awful and our cars were always sh*t, whereas dh and I drive reliable vehicles. We go on more and better holidays. Our house is also bigger and better maintained than the one I grew up in

Luckily both me and my kids feel loved and accepted. Knowing my GPs I would say DM did too.

Me and my brother were born in the late 80's, lived rurally and Mum stayed at home and Dad worked. They owned the house (3 bed nothing amazing) They had very little extra and whilst me and my brother never went without, we were never spoilt and toys were a rarity. All money was accounted for and we didn't have any luxuries. We didn't know this was anything but normal and had a happy childhood.
They now have a good standard of living, but don't have excessive expenditures, although they do regularly go on holiday. Both have advanced in their careers.
My dp lived with his mum and sister. His dad buggered of when he was maybe 5 ish? So single Mum who worked (I think) and lived in a fairly standard council estate for the era.
His mum still doesn't have a lot financially, and will probably work well into her 70's. She has ended up in the trap of low wage jobs.
Me and dp have 1 dc and currently have a mortgage. We both work (dp part time and dp full time) we both have higher levels of education than our parents and we have enough money to pay the bills and we are happy. We certainly are not well off, but doing financially better than our parents did at a similar stage to what we are now. I think they key to the differences between us and our parents, is we both have further education and in some cases a bit of good fortune.
Dc is only one and enjoys eating soil. Hopefully he grows out of this and grows up to have a better life than us.

Worse off than my parents, who sound like the OP's.
On the other hand, although we are doing OK, we are more like KnitFastDieWarm's parents. We would be better off if we hadn't had a hedonistic youth... I wouldn't change a thing.
Our DC are going to end up better off than we are, one of them by miles. They are going to inherit our ill gotten baby boomer wealth, though.

I would say I am overall better off than my parents. My parents have slightly more money than me and my mother "owns" a house but they are stuck in low-paid jobs and my mother is stuck with an expensive mortage, she was also brilliant at school but had 2 kids before she turned 18 so never finished high school which drastically limited her options and then went on to have 2 other kids before she turned 30 meaning she is likely to live the life she is leading for quite a few years still and no real hope of a "good" retirement.

I grew up piss poor though had some good camping holidays etc...but no big luxuries as we couldn't afford it.

I live a totally different lifestyle to the one of my mother, no mortage, not 4 kids to feed and clothes so while I don't have much money, I make the most of it. I have a job that I enjoy, travel all over the planet several times a year, I have an educational background as well as skills that could open up quite a few doors down the line and could allow me to access much better paying jobs than the ones my parents could aspire to.

I am overall much happier I feel, though I am sure my mother is overall satisfied with her life and wouldn't really enjoy living my own life (and vice versa).

I am relatively young though with not even half the financial burdens/responsabilities my mother had at my age, so at her age I may well be poorer, especially if I have multiple children etc... which would ask for a few sacrifices.

Ironically my entire family could have been very well-off had my mother decided not to have me at age 16.

My grandparents led quite a comfortable life so could afford a rather good education for their children & my mother, like I said, was brilliant at school and probably would have gone on to have a very good career just like her sisters did (both rich now) but instead dropped out, had me & my brother causing havock in the family and leading to the divorce of my grandparents (my grandma now lives on a very low pension with no house to her name).

The world is constantely changing though, and it's hard to project myself at my mother's age as the future often looks pretty grim (retirement age always pushed farther, crazy house prices and very hard to own a house in the current economy and not really seeing this getting any better) and so many things one can't predict, but we shall see. For now I am quite happy with the life I am leading.

I’m definitely better off than my parents because they are no longer alive but even if they were still with us I would be miles better off. I’m in my 50’s and have grownup children, when my mum was my age, I was 10, we never went on foreign holidays due to lack of money whereas we have at least one normally more. My Mum never went abroad, dad only did because he fought in WW2.
We go out to dinner much more and generally have fewer money worries. I wish they’d lived long enough for us to help them financially but they both died when my dc.s were young and money was a little tighter although no where near as scarce as when I was growing up.

I would say mine and DHs quality of life is better purely because my DF had a very well paid responsible job which was incredibly stressful and he died at 63 just after he retired. DH and I have both retired in the last 2 years aged 58 and both of us still enjoy good health.

DP bought a large detached house in London suburbs and travelled extensively. No money worries and my mum is now very wealthy. At my age though she was a widow but has since remarried and financially have no problems with just usual ageing issues. My DF loved his job though and the status it gave him but it took its toll on his health. Materially though they were better off than us.

Dh and I opted for a slower pace of life and more affordable housing by moving to the West Country 30 years ago. We have a nice detached house, no mortgage or debt and good pension provision and savings. Our 2 DD have bought properties with our help but they both have student debt and their mortgages are higher proportionally than ours was. We have drummed it into them the importance of not getting into debt, other than mortgage and student loan, and of savings and pensions. I think they will end up in similar financial position to ourselves when they are our age. They are better qualified than us and my eldest at 32 is earning almost as much as my DH was when he retired a few years ago so I am sure her salary will exceed his. I only worked part time so I think both my DDs will out earn me.

Thanks for sharing your family story OhTheRoses - I'm sorry for your loss, but also glad you can see the good in things. My mum's family life growing up was very sad and difficult but I so admire how she accepts it all and has conquered the things that happened.

Better. My parents are dead but comparing when they were alive I have a bigger house and more children, paid for more private school fees and spend more on things like holidays etc. Day to day my working life is not to different from my fathers and my health is much better than both my parents (only been to my GP once in last 12 years - I am very lucky). I consciously made my life like this by picking law. It was not down to chance very much. I have notes on careers when I was only 13 years old.

Parents lived in a council house (never bought), worked til they dropped didn't own a car and never holidayed abroad. Everything was made to last forever. They had a short retirement before dying - so never even got to enjoy the pension. I never inherited anything.
Mother in particular championed education as an escape to better things and instilled in us not to rent.
We and my husband live in a large detached house, holiday several times a year, both have cars and more or less buy what we want and treat ourselves often.
So - we have it much better by far - having seen hardship first hand makes you want to avoid it.