To ask what your quality of life is like compared to your parents'?

[Echobelly]

Do you think you have it better than your parents or not? And will your kids have it better than you?

We are fortunate to have a good quality of life, owning a good sized home without too massive a mortgage, money left after bills. But (though I expect no little violins whatsoever to play for us) at our age my parents in the same position could regularly go to the opera, my mum could buy designer clothes (I twitch at spending over £40 on anything), they could buy new cars (we've never owned a new one), could send my brother to private school (wouldn't want to pay for schools, though) and so on. I guess this is a lot to do with that they bought our family home for less than 1.3 times their household income... our one was over 8 times, although we were very privileged in having two properties to sell. But still a much bigger proportion of our income goes into mortgage than it did for either of our parents.

I do worry for our kids... unless something majorly and permanently gives with the housing market, it's going to be impossible to own somewhere. The best hope seems to be that a decent corporate-run rental market emerges and they buying a place is less of an issue. I hate debt and I'm almost inclined to advise them not to bother with degrees if their main impact on life is a 5 or even 6-figure debt to start your adult life... maybe it'll be better to work your way up after leaving school!

So many variables -

housing - I am in a worse position
food - I have a bigger variety of good quality food
health - we have similar access to healthcare
work - we work similar hours but both my parents had very secure jobs that didn't come home with them(change in technology not lack of seniority). Me and DH have both been through redundancy and have jobs that come home with us.
Pension - both parents had good final salary schemes we have stakeholder pensions
Education - they don't have a degree, I don't have a degree
Holidays - they had way better holidays than our no holidays
Entertainment - we have more tv channels, stuff comes out on DVD quicker and big shows tour more
family time - society seems more geared up for children at events. children weren't even allowed in pubs when my parents were 30 and museums etc are more engaging

We have the same income as my parents did at our age. Our house is a similar size and I'm the same sort of area. They had more money than we do to spend on holidays etc but that's inflation for you.

I really hate this rhetoric of poor baby boomers, now were being likened to meat.

Well you live the life of I don't know what whilst your children work really really hard. I'm sorry that our memories aren't washed away, so we can recall community / neighbourhood spirit. We can remember how children could play out all day and you didn't really have to think about how they were going to be entertained. We remember the advent of new technologies, the old catalogues that meant you could get kids presents and pay for them for however long.

Our expectations as children present wise was minor compared to now, if you didn't get what you wanted you knew better than to kick up a fuss. You knew better than to misbehave. You took hand me downs.

Much better than my parents, due to a combination of DH and I going to Uni and now earning very well, and ironically because of a decent inheritance from my parents who both died suddenly before they were 70.

Ours is worse I would say. My parents were a teacher and a sahm. I grew up in a large house in an amazing area.

My husband is a much higher earner than my dad was and we live in a much smaller, ex council house in a not so great area.

I work much harder than my parents ever did and I will work for much longer. They had grandparents who were happy to do childcare and actually liked being with the grandchildren, I do not.

We're only just starting out but probably better off at this point (in our 20s, unmarried, DD 9m) than my parents were. They had to really scrimp and save for their first house which they bought at 24 & 26, extended it, and just got lucky when they came to sell it ten years later for about 3x as much as they paid. Similarly with their current house, bought in 2002 for £240k, current value over half a million, with an extension and conservatory added. They're now very wealthy, but also in the process of a divorce which will probably screw them both financially as they're both extremely stubborn.

As for us, currently in the process of buying our first house which is probably a bit too nice for how much money we have, but we're both doing well in our jobs and expect things to keep getting better.

Not sure about DPs parents, from stories they've told me themselves they had nothing in their 20s but have worked hard and are now comfortable as they're heading for retirement and looking to leave the expensive south to buy a house elsewhere.

To be honest I'd rather our life mirrors DPs parents than mine. We always had lots of money growing up but were never happy. My dad was never content with what he had, always wanting to change our house and have bigger, fancier holidays, and has now left my mum and two grown up kids for a new woman 20 years younger with 4 children i'm definitely not bitter when all we ever wanted was time with him. DPs childhood seems to be all happy memories of days in London with his dad, touring round Europe in a car that had no aircon in 40 degree heat, camping holidays in pissing down Scotland, and bringing his mates home from school and his mum making them all a huge mac and cheese. I really do crave that and hope to be that kind of parent for my daughter, money definitely isn't everything.

Interesting variety of experiences here. I suppose it is worthwhile considering advantages we have like variety of food, experiences, holidays, better opportunities for people who aren't white, straight men (though that still needs a lot of work!) and so on.

I don't find it fair that baby boomers are criticised for holding onto their houses - for one thing, a lot of them will often look after grandkids often, so need spare rooms, and another and more important one is that we're not building enough suitable places for them move to either.

NB, we are definitely loads better off than my mother growing up, but then she was in a Communist country where everyone except party officials was basically living in poverty.

My life is very different from my mum. She was a SAHM with 6 children totally reliant on df. No foreign holidays, overcrowded home, grew their own veg, limited horizons.
I have a degree, a career, have worked overseas, have one dc, better housing, & standard of living.

But I’m a single mum, work non-stop, dc doesn’t get home cooked dessert every night and has to go to after school club.
I’m much happier than my mum, not sure which life dc would prefer.

I live in social housing.
My parents lived in a council house.
My Nan was a servant and then lived in a slum until she got a council house for her and her 9 children.
I don’t have much, luckily I don’t have 9 children either. But my quality of life is adequate...
Money isn’t everything, thank fuck!

Al the people who say baby boomers should give up their houses need to stop and think. I’m a baby boomer and have a Ds aged 9.

I won’t be relinquishing anything for at least another 15 years.

Hmmm it’s an interesting thought. I would say probably marginally better than my parents at the same age as my mum had to work full time and I can afford to be a SAHM Mum. But worse off than DPs parents as they had him at private school and his Mum never worked

My parents had nothing so its not hard. The lived in a variety of rented properties or council houses most without even inside toilets or bathrooms. They were poorly educated and dad was a violent drunk who spent every penny in the pub and beat mum daily. They never had a holiday, owned a car, or went anywhere.

I, on the other hand, am well educated (went into care), have a loving husband and a mortgage free 4 bed detached home in a nice area.

Who knows what the world will be like when my teens are adults but I think, hope, that I've given them the resiliance to deal with most things.

Ooh, tricky one. Really hard to compare when it's not like for like.

I think by and large our quality of life is roughly similar to what my parents' was at a similar age. We probably have more "smaller" luxuries than they did (in this context by "smaller" I just mean ones that don't cost thousands), like eating out more, more travel, and definitely a lot more in the way of technology and labour-saving devices around the house. But by middle age DPs could afford big-ticket luxuries like private school fees AND a SAHM AND a nice-ish house in a good location without any help from family whatsoever, and we couldn't dream of achieving all of those together. We'll probably manage between one and two of them, depending on what happens. It reflect the huge spike in house prices and school fees without a corresponding rise in middle-of-the-road professional wages. Reflecting on my friends' parents growing up, it looked to me as if in general one single professional wage used to achieve most of that with only moderate lifestyle sacrifices, while to have two full-time professional wages (2 doctors, say) often meant huge stunning house in a pleasant area of London, school fees for as many DC as necessary, plus luxuries like exotic holidays and new kitchens. Nowadays it would be very unusual for the average MC couple to achieve that. See for example PP who mentioned growing up in a huge nice house with a teacher father and a SAHM.

Oh no I would never be like oh my parents should have helped me with a house, as I could have stayed on but decided to work and got my first house when I was 18 as prices weren't as crazy as now. My peers who perhaps went to Uni might see it differently.

But the way my peers were parented was different. My best friend had parents who paid the FA into bank accounts and added more besides to go towards their first car or whatever. I remember thinking they were lucky as my parents made no such provision and I worked from my teens for what I wanted. They didn't have to, but that was life. It was a good lesson for me, as it taught me the value of money.

I do think the B.B. are, bitter, I don't know if that's the right word. They enjoyed their life as parents, they think everyone has it oh so much better now, why should I sacrifice anything, even time, to help.

Money is a difficult one as I saw on some websites, houses that charge say £500/550 in rent, could be acquired for a mortgage of £160 a month. That must sting anyone that's renting that they could save so much if they could buy. Once you're on the property market money is subjective as if you're selling you're usually looking to move into a bigger house, so the equity goes towards that.

My experience as a child has shaped the way I parent. I don't know if that can be said of everyone. I don't believe any negatives in upbringing lead to a self fulfilling prophecy.

Financially, my parents were much better off. My dad had a massively well paid job, having left school at 15 and worked his way up. We had a massive house, holidays, private school, pretty much no money worries at all. Even though my dad died young my mum inherited a mortgage free house, which would be woth anout 750k today, life insurance, savings plans, plus a 35k a year pension.

She has never had to work or worry about money for the last 30 years.

Dh and i have average jobs. Not enough for private school and holidays, but enough for food, hobbies and the odd luxury. I am “good with money” and can stretch what we do have.

My mother is utterly shit with money. She has spent all the lump sums, downsized house several times, remortgaged etc. She now only (only!) has the 35k pension which she is struggling to live on somehow. So there will be nothing to inherit.

What an I interesting question op, it's really made me think.
From my pov I have a much MUCH better life, but from their pov I suspect that their life was the norm. Sadly domestic abuse was an accepted part of married life, mum at home completely reliant on my dad for everything.

Talking to both of my parents they both lived in poverty, food and money were scarce, not much happiness or enjoyment at home or school. My dad was beaten, severely and regularly, as was his mother. My mother claims to have been miserable and unloved.

Growing up, their childhoods very much influenced their parenting but with huge effort they tried really hard to be better parents to us.
We had holidays, plenty of food, love, good schooling, encouragement to succeed.
All punctuated with domestic violence, unstable mental health and alcohol issues.

Dh grew up in abject poverty, no money, a feckless self centred father and a downtrodden mother.

We are ourselves consciously and purposefully doing a much better job with our kids. Life is very good.Thank goodness.

DH’s parents had high incomes, no mortgage and a holiday home in Spain so not as good as theirs. DH and SIL were also privately educated. Probably fairly similar to my parents, although their mortgage was much lower.
Happy with our lot though, we have a nice 4 bed detached house, can afford a cheap holiday a year and a couple of weekend breaks and our children don’t want for anything. No point comparing! It is what it is.

If I recall as a child GP's would provide 24/7 care, everyone had a dentist, you ate generally as a family, everyone looked out for everyone else.

Where now the NHS is clinging on to dear life, finding a dentist if you move that's NHS is difficult, most are private that would prefer you to pay into a scheme. The children eat at different times to the parents as I don't think any parent would dare send their kids to school not having eaten, so there's not as much, well if you don't like it starve.

You have fewer friendships that are genuine, say on one street where everyone knew pretty much everyone on the street, you have people who you have no idea about. I've said this before, I wouldn't dare be as cheeky as to knock on a neighbours door and ask for a bit of milk or sugar, the kind of errands you went on as kids.

Very similar - upper middle, nice house in the home counties, two cars, foreign holidays, plenty of leisure activities for us and the children, nice food and wine.

The only really difference is the cost of private schooling, which has massively outstripped wage rises. Both DH and I went to private school from nursery onwards; the DDs will go to private secondary if they don't get into grammar but we have put nearly all of my inheritance into saving for that in a decade's time.

My parents are mortgage free, holiday 3 times a year & have a far more active social life than I do. They fully deserve this life - they sacrificed 3 decades bring up their children

It's funny to think what our children will say about us in time to come, whether they'll realise how lucky they have it. Plus the opportunities they now have that we didn't, albeit they realistically will acquire a load of debt to go to University.

I think our parents could argue we have it better as there's more support if you are on a low income. I remember having to be really creative with food as a teenager to feed my siblings, I worked to help out pretty much, as we were a single parent family, with the parent working on minimum wage. There were no tax credits etc to boost income, I don't think there was any support apart from if you could collar your ex into paying maintenance.

To some degree it's the lottery of life. I was born to young parents and lived in a Council house growing up. That always led me to aspire for more.

In my situation it's from one extreme to another, from parents that were seldom in, to my ex & I rarely going out. We wouldn't want it where it was a weekly, fortnightly or even monthly thing. But once in a blue moon where you got to go to a gig or for a meal would have been nice. I don't see that as taking the piss.

It depends what you mean by "quality" of life?

My mum brought us up pretty much single handed on a shoe string - no job, no maintenance from my dad half the time and whatever benefits were available. That said she had no stress from a career and got to spend time with her kids. We did not have material possessions or go on holidays but we were happy and did not know any different. We lived in a quiet town with the country side at the end of the road and were pretty much free range all the time. There were no expectations for me at school - so no pressures - despite this I did well academically.

Mum re-trained when we were in our teens and got a job. She was able to keep our house through this time and eventually paid it off. She met a lovely man and re-married. They retired early and are comfortable, living within their means.

My kids have all the gadgets and get to go on fancy holidays - but sometimes I wish I could swap places with my mum and have the simpler life! I barely see them as I work full time and am exhausted by the time I get back. On paper my kids are "better off" than I was as a child. But I think I was happier.

JimJack sorry you had to go through that, I think that still in some circles is pretty much accepted that if your married expect a slap or two from your husband when he's not happy. I'm so glad there's education and support to help such women and men of course. I remember a cousin in such a situation being told what do you expect us to do, it's part of married life. Bless her there's being slapped and what she went through. It killed her relationship with the family bar a few that tried to help and still do. We're talking years back but she'll occasionally talk about it and you can tell it does still hurt that she got such advice.

Hopefully DH & yourself can provide a cracking life for your children. It's not all about money, but it can be brutal some of stuff you see. You can be poor in today's world and not neglect which I think is lost on some people. Wishing you all the best.