To not go to the hen weekend

[YettaTessieMarmelstein]

A friend I used to work with is having a trip to Venice for two days/three nights for her hen weekend. Three of us who used to work with her are invited. One person isn’t going because she is having IVF. The other person isn’t going because of the cost and childcare.
I know a few of the other friends to say hello to but no one well, and no one well enough to share a room with. I have never met at least half the guests. About 20 are going altogether.
I imagine it would cost me at least £500 at least. None of the costs of arrangements have been discussed, no plans shared with me, no one checked that we were okay with the accommodation and prices before it was arranged.
Anyway, I’m not going. I texted the organiser and phoned the bride to be. I suggested the three of us who aren’t going have a spa day instead. She is really upset. She says she can’t imagine me not being there. I feel she is being quite passive aggressive with me now. I have a holiday with my partner booked and she said ‘glad you are getting a holiday’.
I really like this person but her attitude is putting me off her.
AIBU to think if you are having a massive, expensive hen then you have no right to be annoyed if people can’t go or choose not to?

YANBU The only way in hell I would maybe consider paying that for a hen do is if it was for one of my sisters!

YANBU - she is being a Bridezilla thinking her wedding and all the razzamatazz around it should be as important to everyone as it is to her. Save your dosh!

She's not really upset that you as a person/friend won't be there OP. What she is upset about is that you as an attendee/number for all the pre-planned photo posting social media opportunities and cost splitting activities won't be there.

It's more important for her to be seen to be popular and surrounded by supporters on a Destination Hen. If it wasn't she would just be getting together with her friends somewhere local.

We went to Venice and spent £200 in a day! (Ok that included a gondola ride). I am actually balking at the beautiful city being used as a hen do location....
Besides that, nope I wouldn't spend that unless it was a close family member or best friend.

Off point of thread but don't agree venice is expensive. Of course it is if you are going to have a gondola ride and drink coffee in St Marks square! We did a tour of Italy with our 2 kids last year and eating, drinking and staying in venice was a lot cheaper than most other places we went to including florence and rome. Agree venice is odd choice for hen party though. And of course fine not to go if you don't want to. Up to bride where she goes but up to those invited to go or not.

I didn't find Venice spectacularly more expensive than Rome either. The touristy stuff is, of course, but a lot of that is a bit cringe-worthy. Admission to the most amazing architecture and art is generally really low!

I'd put good money on a bride who wants to go Venice for a hen do wanting a gondola ride, etc. - ie all the expensive touristy stuff.

Margaret - that is very true, actually. Didn't think of that!

Venice is gorgeous but would everyone just be drinking and giggling for however many days solid? Yes a waste of a lovely location if so, but maybe it is going to be a cultural visit?

If everyone is just going to get pissed and do cocktail classes, you might as well go to Skegness.