Have we left it too late to buy a bigger house?

[braindumpoclock]

We're a family of 4 living in a small Victorian terraced house in London, which we've extended to the max. DCs are now aged 14 and 11. Most of our neighbours with kids the same age have long since moved out to bigger houses, and have been replaced with younger couples who are starting new families. We've been happy here, but it's small, and it has always been unsettling to see so many people moving in and out around us.

A year ago, we decided it was time to trade up. We put the house on the market, just as the market ground to a halt. We've had to drop the price a couple of times, but now, finally, we have an asking-price offer. There is also a bigger house in a nice area that we would like to buy and can (just) afford, albeit with a much increased mortgage (our current mortgage will be paid off in 3 years, but the new place will give us a mortgage until we retire).

We should be happy and excited, but we're hesitating. Have we left it too late to trade up? DC1 will be heading to uni in just 4 years, and DC2 in 7 years. If we move to the bigger house we will have more space for them to live with us into their adult years if they need to. But maybe we should stay where we are, and use our spare money to buy them a property instead? I can't work out what I want to do - the thought of staying is sometimes comforting and sometimes depressing - the thought of moving is sometimes exciting and sometimes a scary over-commitment.

How on earth do we decide? By trading up we'd be doing what most people do, but we do have some friends who are choosing to prioritise future properties for their children instead of bigger properties for themselves. There's no easy answer, and I know there will be mumsnetters in both camps, but I'm interested in your thoughts and similar experiences.

But kids don’t actually move out when they go off to uni. Well some do, but the majority come home every holiday and in this day and age often come home after uni (when they’ll likely only be 21/22) while they save up to get their own (probably rented) place.
so if you’re happy for them to potentially still be with you until say they’re 25, you’re looking at needing space for them for potentially another 14 years.

Your going to be mortgage free in 3 years around the time oldest will be off to 6th form the uni I would stay they wouldn’t be home for more than 4 years and you will be gutted you could reduce work with no mortgage to pay

Assuming they move out to uni, they may well be back - i would move, and downsize later if needed.

I can't get past the fact that you have your son in a 7' room when you have a spare for grandparents!

I resent my parents for making me and my sister share the smallest room well into teenage years when the big 3rd room was 'the office' and my dad didn't even work from home FFS!!!

Just a thought - you say your DCs will be moving to Uni, but if you're in London they could easily travel from home if you have a bigger place. The cost of living is really high if they move out.

For what it's worth we're about to trade up to a bigger house and mine are both 16 yo. Both are thinking to commute to uni from home.

OP it does depend on the London housing market by if you don't intend to sell for at least ten years I think you'll be fine. People have been saying the bubble will burst since the seventies. Students often come to live back at home especially in London where rent is extortionate, so by trading up you are allowing them to live rent free after uni to establish themselves, get jobs, do low paid internships for experience etc. Later on in life you can always downsize. Most people I know who also went to uni and whose parents lived in and around London didn't move out until around 25 and I graduated eleven years ago, I know plenty who graduated later and are still at home in their late twenties. I will get backlash for this (they should be fully self sufficient at 18 blah blah) but in London that is very difficult, yet there are so many career opportunities for them to explore on your doorstep.

We're in a fairly similar situation, with similar aged children, and we chose not to move, but instead to extend our property, taking it from 3 beds to 5. We only actually need 3 beds, but this has given us breathing space for a study and a family room/spare bedroom, and has made the house feel big enough, whereas before we were cramped. We still have the smaller kitchen, smaller garden, generally smaller room sizes than the "forever house" that we would have been looking at.

There were several factors that made us chose against moving. We already were mortgage free, and could extend without taking on a mortgage again. We're currently paying school fees, and so that's far easier without having to find a mortgage payment too. Our children are happy and established in the local area, as are we - good social life for both us and the children on our doorstep. The children can walk to school, this would be unlikely if we moved. We have good access to the station for our commutes etc. We also have a rental property, and I feel quite exposed to the (slowing) property market at the moment, so I don't feel borrowing to invest in what is likely to be a falling asset is a good thing. I'm sure things will even out in the long run, but we may well want to pull cash out in the next 5-10 years to help our children set up home, so having significant cash savings rather than a bigger property asset seems prudent.

On the whole I'm fairly happy with our choice, although I do get a twinge of sadness that we'll never have the forever house that I always thought we would have and like I grew up in.

I do think that decluttering and re-evaluating space is a good idea. We did that by necessity after the build, and have found that even our existing rooms have felt so much bigger and more organised after a good sort through, redecoration and new furniture etc.

Stay

Personally I would go for the big house. Sometimes in life, you have to speculate to accumulate. Choose wisely, get the best price you can and enjoy the growing family having some extra breathing space.
But DONT fgs do it because it's the thing you see others doing....everyone's circumstances are different. Best of luck!

Move if you can definitely afford it, and plan to stay there until you are too old to manage it.

Your DC will continue to come home while they are at Uni - possibly with friends in tow, & it will be nice for them to have a spacious & welcoming home.

As they get older they may bring partners, then there may be grandchildren...

And when they are not there you will enjoy the extra space, and have options for other guests staying, Air B&B if you want, etc. A decent size house in London will always be a great asset.

My parents live alone in quite a large house, but it is regularly filled with family & friends staying.

If you are not struggling to pay a mortgage, then move.
Your poor 14 yo stuck in a box room.

Stay. Take out a smaller mortgage on a two bed flat. Rent it out until the kids go to uni/get jobs, then move them into there.

I'd move to the bigger house if you like the area and think you'd be happier living there; plus there's potentially more profit to be made (and move to the country, mortgage free, on retirement if that suits)if the market continues to rise as it has done, overall, for the last 40 years.

The other thing to take account of in affordability of the mortgage, is whether you have put enough money into your pension.

I’d relish the option of becoming mortgage free rather than trade up and have a mortgage until retirement.

I know first hand how life can take unexpected twists and turns and the effects that can have on household income and future options.

If you can manage with the space you have I’d stay put. Being mortgage free is at the top of most people’s wish lists.

I'd stay. If your kids are going to Uni, then the option of buying a place in the Uni town for them to live in while they're there, then either selling or continuing to let out to students is a really good option too, if you can be mortgage free in 3 years, then that's a completely feasible option open to you.

I know it's easy to get pulled into it but you really must get out of the habit of comparing yourself to other people, it's incredibly unhelpful.

We're also 4 in an extended Victorian terrace and there's no way I would take on more debt to have more space than this. Being mortgage free will be life changing, an infinitely better feeling than having a bigger space (which presumably will encourage you to buy more stuff to fill it).

If you use your imagination I'm sure you can come up with some ideas for how you can meaningfully fill your time if working FT isn't an absolute necessity in a few years?

It sounds like you could comfortably afford a bigger mortgage? In that case, why don't you consider buying the bigger house whilst keeping the current one, only remortgaging the current house to a buy-to-let mortgage that could be covered by the rent you will receive, so that you can still raise the capital available for the new house? Yes it's two mortgages, but also two investments, one of which should be covered by the rental income on a property you already know well and you may potentially even receive a bit of profit from the rental which could be saved for the kids. However, it also gives you various options for the future for when or if the situation changes - you can move from the bigger house back to the smaller house, rent the bigger one or sell either one of the two.

This is a tricky one. I would love to move to a place with a bigger garden but realistically that would mean 50 - 70k extra if I were to stay in the same area and get a similar house! So yes I go to the park instead with the kids!
If you can definitely afford it and will stay there at least 20 years, I would move but if that is unlikely to be the case then don't do it. However, being a fellow Londoner I know that in our area at least, flats have not been selling and prices seem to be falling ever so slightly. I have no idea whether this is a blip or the start of a proper decline

Brain Seriously I'd stay put - IME it is the most enormous relief not to have a mortgage any longer and you never know what the situation is going to be jobwise in the future. To have a large mortgage hanging over you right up until and beyond retirement possibly is horribly stressful.

Helping your kids get on the property ladder is the very best thing you can do. As for needing a larger place for grandchildren etc - when your kids move out your present house will be large enough for them!

Have you thought that since you live in London, your DC might keep returning home for many years (or go to Uni in London, in which case it is now quite usual to live at home and save £10k a year)?

Personally I would just reconfigure the rooms and give your son the current spare room, but if your only wobble about moving is that you think you will be empty nesting....don't count on it!

In what universe is a 4 bed house small?? Or has it got tiny rooms?

Stay put, give your DS the big bedroom (he can sleep in the little room when the grandparents come).

I would stay. We have just bought a three bed terrace just outside London. It's cosy with two DC but I can't see us ever moving exactly for the reasons you have outlined ie DC will soon be off to uni etc. If you're happy in the house I would stay! (& bonus being mortgage free in three years!!! We won't be!)

I don't think huge amounts of space is necessary for children to be well looked after and happy.

My neighbours raised three kids in a very small three bed semi (small size of rooms, I mean - two small bedrooms, one box room). All three went to the local comprehensive. They are all fantastic kids who have excelled academically (Oxbridge/RG unis), and they are now grown up and doing amazing projects across the world, in three very different areas. The lack of space and of an expensive education was far less important than the love, attention, care and help they got from their parents. I think sometimes on this site, people really overrate the material, and underrate time.

God no, I would stay put. Swap the rooms about. Save the money to put your kids through uni/house deposit etc. You won't need to space in a few years.

My grandparents sorted me a house deposit and I can't tell you what a difference it has made to me compared to my peers who didn't have the same.