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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be so scared of getting in my car?...

85 replies

Blazingspeed · 14/05/2018 10:16

I passed my test in February in a Ford Fiesta, 2nd attempt.
I was a pretty good driver and had built up loads of confidence.

We have a Citroen C4... so quite a bit larger than a fiesta. But it has all the mod cons, parking sensors, park assist, hill assist etc.

I’ve driven twice since I passed. Both times with my OH in the car. First time was a teeny tiny journey (like 3 minutes) that went fine.
The second time I kept stalling... it was awful. I’ve not driven since.
Doesn’t help the the P plates won’t stick to the bloody car.

I’m itching to drive but I’m just so nervous. I’ve spent the entire morning just day dreaming about going out in the car (seriously, it’s sat there doing nothing on my drive Hmm )

AIBU? Were any of you this ridiculous about driving alone for the first time?
It’s just me & my youngest at home today (23months) ....I could easily jump in the car but I keep stopping myself, finding all other jobs I need to do first.

My main fear is stalling... this car is so different to my instructors. They’re both diesel but with the c4 you have to use the gas to move off, whereas with the fiesta I could just use the clutch... that threw me. Also, the gears seem to be positioned slightly different... it’s just feels, well, different.

Ugh. I spent a LOT of money learning to drive and for what?!

OP posts:
Emelene · 14/05/2018 11:19

I'd stay stuck with the car you've got. Get someone calm and experienced to come in the car with you - maybe DH, maybe not! (I had my mum). We picked short 10 min routes or so and built up my confidence. I drove to work for several months and that was it - I've driven all over the country now after getting my car in December. That being said I still get nervous when I haven't driven for a few days - I think that's totally normal! Good luck OP, you can do it.

HellonHeels · 14/05/2018 11:21

I've been driving for more than 30 years and STILL stall occasionally.

Just stay calm and restart the car, it really does happen to pretty much everyone sometimes.

SoupDragon · 14/05/2018 11:22

No, don’t change your car. Knowing that, given time, you can drive any car is a very important skill. I don’t like driving other cars but I know that I can.

Don’t give up - practise loads! It really won’t take long.

Stefoscope · 14/05/2018 11:33

'I’m just so annoyed with myself, I’m always letting my fears hold me back.' Are you generally quite an anxious person? I am and can relate to a lot of what you've said. I passed back in October, but I'm still not able to just get in my car and drive. I'm still ridiculously nervous of bay parking even though I've never hit another car, I'm paranoid I'm going to. I'm not a bad driver, although I did stall loads when first drove my car as the biting point was different to the car I learnt in. I conquered that by driving around with DP at night when my estate was quiet. I'd recomend that as a starting point.

I've been through the motions of getting used to the car, but have realised I need to get some help from the doctors to get my anxiety in check if I stand a chance of being able to just get in the car and drive. Not saying this is the case for you, but if you find things don't improve for you it might be worth having a chat with someone.

FindoGask · 14/05/2018 11:35

I think it's actually better to drive on your own the first few times after you've passed your test - sometimes other people can make you more flustered. I agree with the others about finding an opportunity to practice your clutch control - it's just because this car is unfamiliar to you and you're not used to needing a bit of accelerator as well to move off - you'll get the feel of it in no time.

springmachine · 14/05/2018 11:47

i still stall every so often. Especially if im driving a differernt car to one im used to.

It happens, and Ive seen it happen to others too.

Most people are patient and understand it happens.

The few who aren't patient are not worth worrying about.

Once you get going in your own car you will find you'll be confident again in no time.

eurochick · 14/05/2018 11:49

Just get in the car and go! Find some quiet roads and practice. The longer you leave it the worse it will be.

Stephisaur · 14/05/2018 11:49

You've had excellent advice above :) I agree with finding somewhere quiet and practising your clutch control :)

Also, forget the P plates. Most drivers will be as inconsiderate to you as they were with the L plates. Take them off, and there are suddenly far less assholes on the road! :)

GabsAlot · 14/05/2018 11:50

i drive an automatic so cant really help but keep practising in your car in an an empty bit of land somewhere

once you get the hang of it nothing will stop u

BadgersBum · 14/05/2018 12:01

I think most people are a bit nervous about going solo after passing their test. All of a sudden there's no professional there with dual controls telling you what to do. I agree with going somewhere quiet and practicing until you feel a bit more confident.

I didn't drive for about 4 months after passing my test as I didn't have a car and my dad's was a flashy company one that I wasn't allowed near. My BF at the time bought me my first car, he lived about 10 miles away so he drove it over to my house, then made me take him home so I had to drive back on my own. I cried all the way back while going at about 15 MPH, but soon after I couldn't keep away from the car, I'd sit at home thinking "Where can I drive next?", the independence at the age of 19 while living with my parents was amazing.

Original poster
Blazingspeed · 14/05/2018 12:10

Well thanks to you lot... I DID IT!!! Only for 30 minutes but I did it! I did it! All on my own! Well, with the little one in the back singing about fruit Grin

I didn’t stall once! Came very nearly close to stalling at a junction but managed to show the clutch who was clutching Wink

I stuck to the quiet roads by my house and plucked up the courage to do the fairly quiet roundabout (3 times!) only the first exit, but still, I did it!

@stefoscope I definitely have some degree of anxiety. I know fully well I’m capable of doing lots of things but I never allow myself to jump in and take a risk. I have no idea why. I don’t know if it’s fear of failing or what. I can’t tell you the amount of opportunities I've passed up in life... sad really.

OP posts:
quarterpast · 14/05/2018 12:15

Good work OP Smile

MirriVan · 14/05/2018 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 14/05/2018 12:36

Well done , OP! Once you get used to how your car handles all will be fine :)

treeofhearts · 14/05/2018 12:39

Name it. Name it, talk to it, negotiate with it. Like it's a dog or small child. Takes the anxiety out of it a bit. Sounds nuts but it works.

Closethegate · 14/05/2018 12:42

Whoop whoop OP!! Well done!

When I first passed I went out on my own and hit a bump in the road. Convinced myself I’d run someone over and then didn’t drive for another month Blush

Clearly I hadn’t hit anyone, that was ten years ago and I still stall! Everyone does

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 14/05/2018 12:43

My mum does the same thing when ever she gets a new car she stalls it the first few times she takes it out or she kangaroo jumps down the road but soon gets use to it she still has the odd moment where she'll stall the car or reach for a peddle that's not there now that she drives an automatic.

ilovepixie · 14/05/2018 12:45

I was the same. I didn't drive for 10 years after passing my test! Then my dad offered to buy me a car if I drove it! So he took me out a few times and then I started driving myself. It's just down to practice the more you do it the more confident you will become. Just do small easy journeys to start with.

ilovepixie · 14/05/2018 12:50

Well done OP.

PlausibleSuit · 14/05/2018 12:54

managed to show the clutch who was clutching

Nice one! Well done OP. You've done it now, next time it'll be that little bit easier again.

UpstartCrow · 14/05/2018 12:54

@Blazingspeed Hire a driving instructor to give you some refresher lessons in it.

wowfudge · 14/05/2018 12:55

Oh that's great OP. Make this a daily thing and build up to specific journeys as you feel ready.

Changedmaname · 14/05/2018 13:00

Stop the procrastination and go for a drive ASAP. Sooner you do it the better, the more you put it off the bigger deal it will become. Can you not go out with your DH on a couple of journeys, if you can't bear to go alone? Stalling happens to everyone now and again so it's nothing to worry about if you do.

I am always amazed the number of people who feel like this after passing their test though. Indicates that the system we use to teach driving and assess competency is rather lacking in robustness, and often doesn't produce confident drivers at the end.

Personally it wasn't an issue I had. But I drove for almost 2 hours a day, every weekday, for the 6 weeks it took me to be ready for my test. I was lucky as circumstances allowed me to do this as I worked at the same location as a family member, so I drove us there daily. It just goes to show that practice makes confidence though as I never felt nervous driving, except in the first few sessions when I was learning the basics. After I passed my test one of my first solo journeys was on the motorway and into Central Coventry.

I would urge you to get some practice in as soon as you can. Don't let your fear hold you back, you can do it!

Changedmaname · 14/05/2018 13:01

Balls! I missed your update, sorry. Bloody well done OP - that is brilliant!!! Now keep it up and you will be much more confident in no time. Grin

Almostthere15 · 14/05/2018 13:07

Hooray well done. Keep at it!