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AIBU?

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Original poster

What would you do in this situation? 3 year old and car seat

43 replies

TassleGirl · 14/05/2018 07:29

I know I'm not being unreasonable btw but not sure what to do in this situation.

I have been working as a nanny for 6years now. I've looked after kids from newborn to 11 year olds. And in this 6 years the parents always ALWAYS asked me to not to let their kids sleep when we are in the car.

In my current job I look after a 3 year old and a 6 year old. 6 year old goes to private school which means I need to get in the car with the 3 year old and school run takes about 1 hour. Mum always ask me to not let the 3 year old sleep but honestly how?! I'm driving and keep looking in the mirror trying to keep the 3 year old awake. I give her books and even the iPad and put the radio on etc but nothing works.
I'm finding this so stressful! I don't feel safe and I'm so cross. I think when I'm driving I should concentrate on the driving!

A couple of years ago I even had a little bump in my car cause of trying to keep a child I was looking after awake. This cost me £350 to get the other persons car fixed.

I am cross and had enough. Leaving this job at the end of July and changing careers as I have had enough of these idiot parents!
So stupid!

My question is what to do in that 2 1/2 I have left? Just leave the child sleeping?

OP posts:
Angrybird345 · 14/05/2018 07:31

Just let her sleep! That or cause an accident!!

ChasedByBees · 14/05/2018 07:33

Of course let her sleep. You’re focusing on the road.

qazxc · 14/05/2018 07:34

Concentrate on driving. If the child falls asleep, let it be.

Sharonthetotallyinsane · 14/05/2018 07:34

Let her sleep. First of all, who cares what the mother says, secondly, you’ve had an accident because you’re bothering about the kid being kept awake.

chandlersfraud · 14/05/2018 07:40

They're asking the impossible - do they do that run themselves any days? Even if not they must know what it's like at the weekend. My 3 yr olds bedtime is horribly affected by any naps but sometimes it happens and there isn't much you can do. She then goes to sleep late, is tired the next afternoon and it gets into a cycle. The things I try are chatting to them (without compromising road safety!) and maybe something sugary before you go.
I think you just have to say you'll do your best but are finding it impossible sometimes. No one else is going to do any better!

Original poster
TassleGirl · 14/05/2018 08:31

Can you imagine when they ask you, did she sleep in the car? And I'm like 'yes sorry' and I can tell from their faces what they thinking... I work part time only- so not sure how they manage the second half of the week.

I just don't get it though... I mean in the 6 years I looked after about 20 kids (it's not because I was changing job constantly . Often I worked part time for 3 different families at the same time ) and apart from 1 family sleep in the car was always an issue. I hate my job so much now, absolutely can't wait to finish. I just feel even thoug the parents were always nice their expectations sometimes just too much!

OP posts:
TammySwansonTwo · 14/05/2018 08:34

If there’s a way to keep kids awake in the car I’ve not found it! Ask them how they do it, since they seem to think it’s possible.

TuTru · 14/05/2018 08:43

Let the child sleep. Safe driving is your priority in that moment. Xx

ineedamoreadultieradult · 14/05/2018 08:44

At 3 if they sleep in the car it is because they are tired. I would think the only reason they don't want her to is it may mean they have to put her to bed slightly later. In which case they need to just get over it. If they chose to send the 6 year old to a school that means an hour long school run they chose to subject the 3 year old to at least 2 hrs in a car everyday.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 14/05/2018 08:44

There is no way to stop a sleepy 3 year old napping in the car.

I know this because I have tried everything. Bright chit chat, desperate loud singing, begging...even the dreaded Thomas the Tank Engine CD. I have also nearly crashed while trying to keep him conscious, which is where I saw sense and gave up.

I understand why the parents want it of course, and in your situation I would probably lie for the sake of peace.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 14/05/2018 08:48

OMG Chandlersfraud! I have never tried giving him something sugary before getting in the car! I am very much going to try that.

userabcname · 14/05/2018 08:49

That's ridiculous, what are you meant to do? I'd either say "sorry, I can't keep 3yo awake in the car; I'm driving and if she nods off there's nothing I can do" OR I'd lie and say she hadn't slept.

Juells · 14/05/2018 09:09

"Did she sleep in the car?"

"Of course she did."

BertieBotts · 14/05/2018 09:14

Sugar doesn't keep people awake.

I think this is an impossible ask. You need to concentrate on the road. If they ask you say "Yes as I needed to concentrate on the road, not the 3yo".

I'm assuming that it's too far to walk - I used to get my 3yo to walk when I didn't want him to nap.

You could ask the parents how they want you to keep her awake? But if what they suggest affects your driving just say "I'm sorry but I won't compromise my attention on the road, that's my number one priority."

ChasedByBees · 14/05/2018 09:15

Can you imagine when they ask you, did she sleep in the car? And I'm like 'yes sorry' and I can tell from their faces what they thinking...

But so what? What are they going to do? You could ask them how they keep their child awake. You could explain the things you do and say anything further risks you losing concentration on the road and you’re not prepared to put both of you at risk.

Imchlibob · 14/05/2018 09:16

If they really don't want the 3rd to sleep they either need to pay for two staff members so one can concentrate on the kids and one can drive, or you need to start earlier and take the kids by public transport so you can focus on the kids. They are asking the impossible. As you are leaving anyway how much does it matter that they are disappointed in your inability to work miracles?

Fatted · 14/05/2018 09:18

My 3YO never sleeps in the car! Hasn't done since 18 months.

Frankly, if they're nodding off at that time it's because they're tired and probably getting up too early. Tell mum and dad to let them sleep later in the morning or just put them to bed later at night.

BigPinkBall · 14/05/2018 09:23

Maybe I’m being thick but why wouldn’t they want them to sleep in the car? If my DDs tired then I let her sleep. There’s plenty of time left in the day for her to play and get herself tired out again before bedtime.

In future just lie, I was a nanny for a short time and the parents wanted me to make their 3 & 5 year olds study, and they literally meant sit reading and learning facts from books, obviously that was never going to happen so I just let the kids run around the garden playing and building a fort under the dining table and then 10 minutes before the dad was due home I’d get the books out on the coffee table and he’d come home to find us looking at a random page and discussing the pictures.

I should have known they were crazy because there were drawings stuck on the fridge that were perfectly coloured within the lines that the children had apparently done with the previous nanny, but I doubt the children had been anywhere near, in my (very limited) experience people who employ nannies often have unrealistic expectations.

Babymamamama · 14/05/2018 09:25

Honestly in your shoes I would just lie to them about the naps or say I didn't notice because I was focusing on pointing the car in the right direction. Some parents are too controlling.

offupop · 14/05/2018 09:26

Give her a flask of coffee ;)

I've tried everything - windows open, music, chat, sitting up front, food. You can't stop them!

Imchlibob · 14/05/2018 09:28

bigpink - oh that I do understand. From age 3 if dc had more than 20 mins nap in the day they were a nightmare at bedtime.

VivaKondo · 14/05/2018 09:35

I wouod ask said parents how they are driving for 1 hour and ensure that their child isn’t falling asleep. (Being the only adult in the car of course!)
Because I get that having a nap can be enough to screw bed times BUT I also have never found a way to stop a child from falling asleep at that age.
Of course, you can try singing along, talking to them etc... but if they are tired (which seems to be the case with every one of those children), it’s an impossible task.

Btw, if you had been looking after my two, no way I would have asked you that. It really wouldnt have crossed my mind.

Zaphodsotherhead · 14/05/2018 09:36

A couple of my kids used to sleep in the car, the others never did. I'd give them about twenty minutes, then stop somewhere they could get out and play, wake them up and turf them out for a runaround. Otherwise bedtime would run on until one in the morning (I had very sleep resistant kids) and I needed MY sleep, even if they could catch up the following day (single mum).

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 14/05/2018 09:37

Tell mum and dad to let them sleep later in the morning

Nothing ever makes me literally laugh out loud, but this did.

VivaKondo · 14/05/2018 09:37

It’s interesting though. At age 3yo, my two dcs were JUST stopping their afternoon nap.
No way I would have missed it because, if they did, THEN, we had major issues with them falling asleep. Plus they were cranky at bed time etc etc.

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