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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parking plus death wish kid

66 replies

whateverstreet · 13/05/2018 23:14

Ok I don’t think I’m being IABU but my neighbour does.

  1. we have a large carpark that should hold 8 cars, but we all squeeze a few more in (including them) -‘normally 15
  2. they believe their child should be able to play in the Car park
  3. that includes throwing balls around the cars, and cycling in between the cars -‘as all kids should be able to play outside their house.
  4. the bloody kid has damaged the side of one of our cars
  5. the bloody kid has a death wish - they play chicken n dive at the entrance to the car park, they hide and then floor themselves in front of cars
  6. I almost ran over said child the other day, when they dived in front my car.
  7. you can only do a max of 2 miles an hours on the turn into that car park - when I shakingly complained - I got told I must have speeding / he dived in front of my bloody car.
  8. aibu in that I don’t want to be the one who finally runs him over - life ruined.
  9. I vomited last time as it was so frighteningly close - one inch from his head. He dived for the ball at the entrance to the car park - emergency break time.
  10. I told the parents - went in one ear out the other - and now it’s become even more of a game. I’m the nasty neighbour - no just what this kid is doing is plain dangerous.
  11. is it time to move!!!?
  12. I’ve done the obligatory drawing, but I’m not good at it / the red splodges are the cars - the arrow shows where he jumps out/dives face down on cars.
Parking plus death wish kid
OP posts:
steff13 · 14/05/2018 00:34

I would also call the police. Speaking to the child hasn't worked, speaking to the parents hasn't worked, you're running out of options. I'd get a dash cam, record his actions, and take it to the police. If that doesn't wake the parents up, I don't know what will. It sounds like a matter of time before you or one of your neighbors hits him.

MiddleClassProblem · 14/05/2018 00:39

Who is in charge of the parking area? Do you all pay a bit? Council or private company?

CalF123 · 14/05/2018 00:46

I'd be looking at contacting social services, if not the police tbh.

Original poster
whateverstreet · 14/05/2018 00:48

We all pay the freehold company for the parking area - so next call is to contact them for a no ball playing sign.

It just feels shitty having to do it, as if we can't manage ourselves. But obviously we can't, and I can't keep playing "oh near miss" again & again! The carpark is not a playground and not should it be.

OP posts:
NotMyFinestMoment · 14/05/2018 00:52

YANBU. A car park is not a play area. Period. It is very dangerous place.

You need to report them to whoever own the flats and car park. Send them a strongly worded letter stating that they have failed to make the area safe and it is being used by children WHO LIVE THERE as a play area. Advise them that you and/or others have had a near miss already. If you hit one of the children, you will hold the car park jointly liable for all injuries to the child, your vehicle, your person including psychiatric damages. Advise them that if no action is taken immediately, you will be billing them for the damages to your vehicle, enclose pictures and an estimate for the damage to let them see that this is a serious matter which has already escalated and it needs to be dealt with appropriately and immediately. If you can get any photos or videos of the kids in question, even better. Enclose a copy or email a copy of he video/audio file. I would push for CCTV, notices and letters to all tenants/residents. Suggest some kind of barrier. The owners of the car park will likely warn the tenants/residents and perhaps it might stop that way. Unlikely knowing kids, but possible.

I would get a front and rear facing dashcam and install it immediately. Any further contact with the kids family I would do in writing.

If you can prove who damaged your car, you should be making a claim on your insurance and providing the parents contact details and let the insurers take it up with them. They're supposed to keep their children under control at all times so are liable for any damages their children cause.

Really the parents are guilty of neglect. At the minimum, there are major safe guarding issues. If you've warned them of the obvious danger and they are still choosing to ignore you and the others, perhaps it's time somebody spoke to them about their children in a formal capacity. What they're doing is unnaceptable.

Ultimately it falls to, whether or not you want a dead or seriously injured child on your conscience. Somebody may be reversing out one day while the child is down on the floor fishing around for their ball, they won't see them and the rest will be history.

The above sounds like overkill but it's critically important to protect any child from future injury and yourself if you are the driver of the car.

NotMyFinestMoment · 14/05/2018 01:02

If they run out in front or behind someone's moving car, at some point they will be hit. It might happen on the first go, it might happen on the 7th or 8th go but it will happen. I wouldn't fancy being in the shoes of the person behind the wheel. You have acted more than reasonably already by speaking with them. Now you have to protect yourself.

Mxyzptlk · 14/05/2018 01:02

Personally I wouldn’t wait for dashcam footage to show them, what if you didn’t manage to stop in time and the dashcam didn’t catch a near miss but captured footage of the kid being killed by your car?!

I'd ask the police to speak to the parents. You don't need film footage to tell them what happened.
While you're all being nice and asking for a polite sign to go up, the kid could be squashed under one of your cars.

itsalldyingout · 14/05/2018 01:17

Totally agree with NotMyFinestMoment.

Do the parents have a car in that CAR PARK or do they park theirs in the PLAYGROUND (assuming they don't know the difference here).

We had neighbours like that. Kids were perfect little angels. They moved when enough neighbours complained that the kids idea of playtime was throwing stones at cars as they passed.

Get the police involved. If there's an accident (hate using that word to describe something completely avoidable), they'd be the first to involve them. Get your other neighbours involved when you're talking to them.

It really isn't the fault of the kids. Parents like that... well, let's just say the piss me off.

Greenyogagirl · 14/05/2018 01:19

Are you going to wait until the child is maimed or killed before calling the police and social services?

4GreenApples · 14/05/2018 01:21

I’d call the police too. This child is going to end up being hit by a car sooner or later if he continues carrying on like this. The parents may pay a bit more attention if the police have a word. Contacting the police in this sort of situation is about trying to protect a child from serious injury or death.

And agree about the dash cam, I’d get one ASAP.

I wouldn’t be trusting his parents to pay any attention to a no ball playing sign either, any parent with sense wouldn’t need a sign to stop their child playing with balls in a car park.

Soubriquet · 14/05/2018 06:11

Defintely call the police

If that child gets seriously injured it won't be the kids fault. The parents would get in trouble but so could you

Mirrorwriting · 14/05/2018 06:36

What pps said.
All your neighbours should get dashcams.
Report to the police and send the letters in writing to keep yourself out of prison when the inevitable happens.

Phillipa12 · 14/05/2018 06:37

I used to be a nanny for a coroner, he had a case once about a small child who died in a carpark after chasing a ball which he was playing with when a bus was reversing, he asked my opinion on the matter. I said, "its a car park, not a playpark, children should not be playing in an area that is specifically meant for cars. If i allowed your dc to do the same i would fully expect to be sacked for gross misconduct" he agreed!

Imchlibob · 14/05/2018 06:37

Agreeing with tell others above - no reasonable parent allows their child to play in a car park.

blueskyinmarch · 14/05/2018 06:41

I am not normally someone who advocate calling the police but in this instance i think i might talk t them to see if they can come and talk some sense into the parents/child. This is an accident waiting to happen. Have other people in the area raised concerns about this?

PaulAnkaDog · 14/05/2018 06:48

You don’t necessarily need to call the police. A word to the parents of ‘I’m going to have to contact the police about this to cover my own back, he keeps doing this’ might give them a kick up the backside to parent the kid.

moominsmama · 14/05/2018 06:50

Totally agree with pp....dash cam is fine, but it may just show you knocking down and killing the kid.
If it made you vomit, that is incredibly extreme. If you are worried that the parents with know it’s you, do it anonymously....it needs reporting.
Waiting for a no ball sign isn’t going to help either. This seems like it needs action now, not in s few weeks time

Coyoacan · 14/05/2018 06:52

It's lovely that you want to solve this problem reasonably as a community, but that child's life is in imminent danger as is the mental health of the poor soul that hits him.

SoupDragon · 14/05/2018 07:00

Get your partner/other neighbour to stand with the parents and the child at the entrance with a watermelon. You drive in, the watermelon gets thrown as if it were the child diving in front of the car and you tell the child that is what would happen to his head if you couldn’t stop.

KTheGrey · 14/05/2018 07:10

The 101 call will protect you if the child is injured, as would a call to Social Services. You have made a record that you were concerned and tried to stop the behaviour.

In your neighbours' case - yes, that is bad parenting. Indifference to your child's self-endangering behaviour is bad parenting.

youarenotkiddingme · 14/05/2018 07:11

We use to have a kid (maybe 3?!) running around our estate. We also have a park opposite and he would go from their house, over the road and into park. His sister (7 ish) was out with him.

The day he ran into the road behind MH car as I reversed off my drive was the day I rang SS. I said I get everyone has their own ideas of independence and freedom - but no kids life was worth that risk if something could be done to educate them.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 14/05/2018 07:14

Good idea, SoupDragon.

Small children with or without balls terrify me. Some years back, a 2 year old bolted into the side of my car. He hit the side, bounced off and broke a collarbone. I'll never forget that little brightly coloured bundle in my rear view mirror.

Abetes · 14/05/2018 07:16

Phone the police. The kid is crazy and so are the parents for letting him behave like that. You need to protect yourself.

BertieBotts · 14/05/2018 07:18

Don't bother with the dashcam.

You've tried "within the community" - both several residents speaking to parents, plus directly telling off the child - none of this is working.

It is time to bring in an outside agency. Asking the police to have a word is not getting them into trouble. Nobody is going to be arrested. They may have a sharp word about the reality of what happens when children play in car parks.

At least two children a year die in driveway related accidents - this is a very serious risk and you're right to be concerned.

BertieBotts · 14/05/2018 07:23

Also - if not police, perhaps you could talk to whoever maintains/owns the car park? As you do not currently feel safe to use it, yet presumably you're paying a fee (rent, or service charge) in order to access it.

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