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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad ...

41 replies

Helendee · 13/05/2018 22:41

Because my youngest son told me today that he and his fiancée (whom I get on really well with) are getting married in St Lucia next year. He said that we were very welcome to join them but because of health and financial problems there is no way we will be able to go.
I gave him my blessing and said how happy I am for them but inside I feel a little broken-hearted that I won't be there to see my boy take his vows.
I was wondering whether to offer to arrange a celebration for them back home after the event, but would that look as if I'm interfering?
I would be very grateful for any opinions please.

OP posts:
ScattyCharly · 13/05/2018 22:43

Maybe ask him to video it.
I wouldn’t arrange a celebration. Often people who go away to get married don’t like the attention at a celebration.

Original poster
Helendee · 13/05/2018 22:46

Thank you Scatty, yes that's what I thought.

OP posts:
Melliegrantfirstlady · 13/05/2018 22:47

Usually they can video the thing live and you can watch it online so ask him about this

Domino20 · 13/05/2018 22:48

See if it can be watched live online. Not the same obviously but you could still see it?

Yorkshirebetty · 13/05/2018 22:50

That's sad, I feel for you. Why are they marrying there?

Original poster
Helendee · 13/05/2018 22:50

Apparently the signal out there isn't good for live streaming but hopefully they can video it instead.

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Original poster
Helendee · 13/05/2018 22:51

Yorkshirebetty
I think my future DIL just wants it that way. She loves the Caribbean and has always wanted to have a beach wedding.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 13/05/2018 22:53

My partner's daughter had their wedding in Mexico and then the reception when they got back for everyone who couldn't go. And she wore her wedding dress. I thought it was a lovely idea

Aylarose · 13/05/2018 22:53

Of course not! I imagine most parents of grown-up kids want to be there for their weddings!

Yorkshirebetty · 13/05/2018 22:55

Do they know how you feel? I wonder if they could have a small registry office wedding that you could go to here, then have their destination wedding after? I would talk to them, it's obviously upsetting you.

Original poster
Helendee · 13/05/2018 22:55

Single, I'm hoping they might suggest something like this.

OP posts:
cp2016 · 13/05/2018 22:56

Could they not look at a beach wedding in Europe? Does your son know you probably won't be able to make it? How does he feel about that? If my parents wanted to come but they couldn't that would be a deal breaker for me and also my husband. I completely understand your sadness and feel for you.

BackforGood · 13/05/2018 22:58

Of course YANBU. I would be devastated, not just a little sad.
Bless you for telling them how happy you are for them though.

Original poster
Helendee · 13/05/2018 22:58

Hi Yorkshirebetty

Yes my DH and myself are both very upset about it really but will not cause any trouble or problems for them.
We have had a few problems with another DIL over the years and I really can't cope with family disharmony.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helendee · 13/05/2018 23:00

Cp 2016
My son will do anything to mane his fiancée happy, I can't make waves for him.

OP posts:
ferriswheel · 13/05/2018 23:01

I have 3 very young sons but can imagine how you are feeling.

I think you are being very respectful. They obviously care and trust you because they have told you their plans.

Think how much more they will be able to include you in because of your un-needy behaviour.

Yorkshirebetty · 13/05/2018 23:02

I understand. I still think you should very gently raise the subject and see what happens. They're probably just excited about the exotic location and haven't thought about you. I'm sure you can phrase it without causing offense.

Original poster
Helendee · 13/05/2018 23:03

Thank you ferriswheel, sometimes I wish mine were all my little babies again. 🙂

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 13/05/2018 23:04

Is it all booked? Or are they still throwing ideas around?

Original poster
Helendee · 13/05/2018 23:04

Yorkshire, we are having a takeaway on Friday evening with them so I will try and say something subtle then.

OP posts:
Yorkshirebetty · 13/05/2018 23:05

Good luck xx

FuckingHateRain · 13/05/2018 23:05

YANBU that sucks, I'm sad for you Sad

Original poster
Helendee · 13/05/2018 23:06

Birdsgottafly

The holiday was booked last month and I had a bit of a premonition this would happen so it didn't come as a total shock. They only told us today about the wedding though.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 13/05/2018 23:06

X post. I was going to say be honest, but i see that you don't want to be.

I would be Heartbroken, as well. But I would say that i'm somewhat gutted to not be there.

FuckingHateRain · 13/05/2018 23:06

Do you know if DIL's parents know and are ok with that?