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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being ungrateful?

42 replies

Jimmychunga · 13/05/2018 15:11

It may seem that I moan a lot about by MIL, but really I don't. In fact she is a very generous and loving person, who will drop anything if you call. At the same time, she has a strong personality, which I do find overwhelming.

She would like to purchase something very special for my little one, a 'collectable bear' she calls it. I have had a look at the website she has decided to purchase from, as she would like my input. She has been looking at mohair, jointed bears, so not something for my little one now, but something for the nursery until they are older. I do understand why the products are the price they are, due to the materials used and the fact they are hand made, but I had more than a surprise at what she was willing to spend. She say's its her perogative & would like my blessing. It's not that I am ungrateful, I am truly touched ... yet at the same time, I keep thinking about the cost and the fact that she is retired with only a small pension coming in. Am I being wrong to deny her this?

This is the shop that she is looking at. She was looking at the Steiff and Merrythought bears.

www.worldofbears.com/index.html

OP posts:
RoadToRivendell · 13/05/2018 15:13

I think it's kindest to let her get on with it.

Alienspaceship · 13/05/2018 15:14

I know what you mean. I don’t really ‘get’ those expensive bears. Bit if it makes her happy...

AlonsoTigerHeart · 13/05/2018 15:14

Leave her to it

MiddleClassProblem · 13/05/2018 15:15

YABU to tell deny her how to spend her money. Although I don’t entirely understand what the bear is for. Is it to be preserved?

MrsJayy · 13/05/2018 15:18

Let her crack on she just wants the baby to have something special from her. Late mil bought Dc a gift from her that really couldn't be used but the Dc are in their 20s granny is no longer here but they have her gift,

WeAreEternal · 13/05/2018 15:18

I’m not going to tell you you are being unreasonable, as it’s an understandable way to feel.

But I will tell you that DS (11) has one of those bears, my father bought it for him when he was born, he has one that he was bought as a child and it has great sentimental value.
I also have one that my parents bought for me which I still love.

DS loves his bear and it has its own shelf in his bedroom when it predominantly lived, although it does still get the occasional cuddle.
I believe that DS will keep the bear for life, as my dad has done with his and I have done with mine.

It’s a lovely tradition to be able to pass on and I hope to do it for my grandchildren one day.

MrsJayy · 13/05/2018 15:19

It is sentimental really Middleclassproblem

BrutusMcDogface · 13/05/2018 15:23

Gosh, just let the poor woman crack on. One day your son will appreciate it.

BrutusMcDogface · 13/05/2018 15:23

(Even if you don't!)

UghFletcher · 13/05/2018 15:25

We have ended up with a 3ft tall Charlie bear for my son from PIL, it's a pain in the backside as it takes up a lot of room in his bedroom but its sentimental value is high and they meant well when they bought it for him they just didn't think about how much bloody space it would take up

MrsJayy · 13/05/2018 15:26

3ft of teddy bear Shock

RoadToRivendell · 13/05/2018 15:30

It absolutely did my head in when people bought my kids stuffed animals when they were little, I feel your pain.

90% were terribly garish, just a fucking nightmare of clutter.

But you need to consider your MIL's feelings.

Woody67 · 13/05/2018 15:34

My Mum bought one for each of my DC. They are lovely and a really nice keepsake but sadly I have had to his them away as moths started to eat them.

FrogFairy · 13/05/2018 15:42

Personally, I would rather a cheaper toy, like the bunny or sheep for less than £20 that would get kissed, chewed and cuddled to bits than an expensive bear sat on a shelf gathering dust.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/05/2018 15:49

Keep your concerns to yourself. Just tell her how lovely it is and let her get on with it. This is NOT one of those things to make a fuss about.

Hugsythespacecowboy · 13/05/2018 15:52

Aw, I've always wanted a Steiff bear. I love them for some reason.

I'd let her get on with it. My MIL would be upset if I said no to something like this. It's a lovely gift not something flashing noisy crap.

NoSquirrels · 13/05/2018 15:53

She wants to buy your DC - her DGC - something she values highly, to show how much she values her DGC.

The most you should do, if you are concerned she can’t affor if easily, is to reassure her that she doesn’t need to buy such an expensive gift as you know what a wonderful GM she is going to be, and your DC will not need the money spent to know that.

It sounds like you’ve already said you’re worried about the cost, and she’s said it’s up to her to worry about that.

So now, as it’s a gift and clearly important to her, you should treasure her gesture and accept graciously on behalf of your DC.

billybagpuss · 13/05/2018 15:55

Steiff range quite a bit in price, she may be looking at one of the cheaper ones and they are lovely to get down from time to time.

We only found out DD's made a noise a couple of years back, she's 19 and had it when she was born.

NordicNobody · 13/05/2018 15:56

My nan used to buy us "heirloom" toys like this as children. They were never toys I played with, but they always felt very special. They were obviously different from our other soft toys. Since she's been gone I've really treasured them. It's a lot of money, but it will clearly make her happy and I think it's a nice thing to do.

BigglesBalloon · 13/05/2018 15:57

I have a Merrythought bear. My Dad got me and my brother one when we were born. My brothers is well loved head spins round and very battered and still stays on his bed. Mine is also loved, in perfect condition, lives on a bedroom shelf, because I had a different thing I claimed as my comfort blanket/toy. We're in our 40's now. I can't imagine many teddies made now of that quality that will last so well.

stilltryingstillfailing · 13/05/2018 16:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigglesBalloon · 13/05/2018 16:01

Don't leave it on a shelf. Teddies should be played with. It's fine if it ends up like my brothers, just been well loved.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 13/05/2018 16:03

Tel her morally a mohair item does not sit well with you.
Top fashion stores are not selling it all from next year.

MrsJayy · 13/05/2018 16:05

What is wrong with mohair?

PattiStanger · 13/05/2018 16:05

I wouldn't have wanted anything so expensive to be bought for my DCs when they were babies and now they are much older I can say for sure that they would have zero interest in one had it been bought. How can posters say a child will appreciate it in the future? You can't possibly know that.