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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being ungrateful?

42 replies

Jimmychunga · 13/05/2018 15:11

It may seem that I moan a lot about by MIL, but really I don't. In fact she is a very generous and loving person, who will drop anything if you call. At the same time, she has a strong personality, which I do find overwhelming.

She would like to purchase something very special for my little one, a 'collectable bear' she calls it. I have had a look at the website she has decided to purchase from, as she would like my input. She has been looking at mohair, jointed bears, so not something for my little one now, but something for the nursery until they are older. I do understand why the products are the price they are, due to the materials used and the fact they are hand made, but I had more than a surprise at what she was willing to spend. She say's its her perogative & would like my blessing. It's not that I am ungrateful, I am truly touched ... yet at the same time, I keep thinking about the cost and the fact that she is retired with only a small pension coming in. Am I being wrong to deny her this?

This is the shop that she is looking at. She was looking at the Steiff and Merrythought bears.

www.worldofbears.com/index.html

OP posts:
Aprilmightbemynewname · 13/05/2018 16:06

Suggest consumers find out where the things they but come from is all. ....

BigglesBalloon · 13/05/2018 16:11

Quick google comes up with this MrsJayy, that's probably what Aprilmightbemynewname is referring to.

MrsJayy · 13/05/2018 16:14

Thank you will have a read

WingsOnMyBoots · 13/05/2018 16:37

I understand your point of view OP but I think this is quite lovely and if MIL wants do it I don't see the harm

Roussette · 13/05/2018 16:42

Gosh, just let the poor woman crack on

Why's she a poor woman?! I think it's a lovely thought. My adult DCs have hung on to their battered special teddies because it's a lovely reminder of childhood.

Lilacwine1 · 13/05/2018 16:48

Let her buy it, if that's what she wants to spend her money on. I can see what you mean though, it's an awful lot of money for something the baby might not take to, and then what happens, it gets put on a shelf, to be dusted off occasionally.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/05/2018 16:51

I get the feeling it's for the good of MILs bank account why you don't want her spending that amount on the bear for some reason. You sound a bit controlling OP.

Stephiewoo · 13/05/2018 16:55

My grandfather bought one of these very expensive bears for my nan back in the very early 70's. Fred bear is still here, looked after and loved so much not just by me as a child but my older children 21,19 but also my youngest aged 4. All of us have respected Fred as a precious piece and loving bear, hence his amazing condition. He is now 47 and I can still smell my nans perfume in the crease of his neck.

Let her do this for your little one, and always state how precious this bear is to your little one. There's so much tat that kids get these days, passing things from generation to generation no longer happens. Restart it and accept it.

Lilacwine1 · 13/05/2018 17:00

Nicely put, Stephiewoo

BrutusMcDogface · 13/05/2018 17:10

*Gosh, just let the poor woman crack on

Why's she a poor woman?!*

Erm, it's a turn of phrase. She wants to do a nice thing and is being criticised.

Piffyonarockbun · 13/05/2018 17:22

For my dd's first christmas we bought her a beautiful bear handmade locally. Shes now 4 and although she doesnt play with him as such she knows he is her bear and knows his name. He is a gorgeous bear and will be with her a long time. When i was 4 my dad got me a handmade doll. I still have the doll and i still adore him. He probably cost my (extremely not wealthy!) dad a fortune and i did use him as a toy but 30 odd years later he is still with me and still treasured (unlike my poor dad who sadly died 10 years ago). Dont feel guilty about the money she pays for a bear. It will be paid back tenfold by the love and memories he gives. Smile

halcyondays · 13/05/2018 17:31

It's her choice to spend the money. I'd like one of those bears even if the dc didn't.

rupertpenryswife · 13/05/2018 18:08

I agree with others what is the harm? I would give my right arm to have my dmil here still, enjoy the extended family, I know that MIL can be challenging but I'm sure on the whole she means well and can afford it, so let it go.

Roussette · 13/05/2018 21:58

sorry Brutus I read it wrong, I get your meaning now Smile

RJnomore1 · 13/05/2018 22:03

I opened the mohair link and as it's from peta just closed it immediately.

Does anyone have a balanced link explaining the issue should there actually be one?

BigglesBalloon · 13/05/2018 22:07

Sorry RJnomore1 it was just the 2nd link when I googled 'Mohair' first was wikipedia.

PinotMwah · 13/05/2018 22:15

Its her money and she can do what she likes with it. I'd be pretty pissed off if someone tried to prevent me from buying a gift on the grounds that they thought it was too expensive to justify. It's really none of your business.

Also the grief you will cause by asking her not to get it will far outweigh any sense of satisfaction you would get from denying her.

Just let her crack on.

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