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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DSIS is out of order and she needs to let this go?

47 replies

ashbah1980 · 11/05/2018 23:25

DSIS has a 8 year old DD and has been a single parent since she was born until 9 months ago when she met her lovely DP.

Her DP lost his job 3 months ago so moved in with DSIS and her DD. He has been looking for work but does 95% of her housework and looks after her DD- saving her childminder/after school club fees. He honestly is great with her and they adore each other.

Anyway her DP has always got on amicablly with his ex wife for the sake of their 2 children who are both now teenagers. They've even had dinner together and even DSIS has said there is no chance anything romantic is going on between them anymore- they split about 8 years ago and his ex is re married.

Anyway his ex wife booked a holiday last month and has asked DSIS DP if he wants to go and said he can pay the money back when he is working again.

He has said yes but DSIS has hit the roof. Knowing her well it is because she will be loosing a free weeks childcare in the summer holidays but apparently its because she doesnt want him going with her.

Ive told her to get a grip. AIBU?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 11/05/2018 23:29

You’re quite judgy about your sister. Maybe she’s feeling a bit insecure in her new relationship and doesn’t like the idea of her DP going away with his.

It’s up to her how she feels about it. You don’t have to agree.

JamPasty · 11/05/2018 23:30

Seems a bit odd to go away on holiday with his ex, when he's just got into a newish relationship?

Returnofthesmileybar · 11/05/2018 23:30

I know loads of people who would like their unemployed dp to borrow money off their ex so they could jet off on holiday with them - oh wait no, no I don't know anyone who would like that

myfriendbob · 11/05/2018 23:30

9 months? She barely knows him.

geologyrocks · 11/05/2018 23:30

Yes i think yoy are bu. Its their relationship so you shoukdnt offer an opinion. She is within her rights not to be happy that hes going away as a family with his ex. Its great and all that they get on so well but imo its inappropriate when he has a serioys partner.

Very bitter that you should assume its to do with "free childcare"

Dvg · 11/05/2018 23:32

Why would someone go on holiday with there ex wife/husband?? Sorry a bit wierd to me too especially as his children are teenagers...cant see my partner allowing me to go away with my ex regardless of whether we were friends or not.

myfriendbob · 11/05/2018 23:33

Why wouldn't they?

FleeceDetective · 11/05/2018 23:34

Is he paying any rent? He sounds like a bit of a cock lodger sponging off your sister and his ex too

ThereIsAlwaysDrama · 11/05/2018 23:46

Well your DSIS has managed 8 years on her own so I doubt she's annoyed at the lack of childcare.

Why are you so bothered. You seem very pro boyfriend whilst resenting your sister. Do you fancy him? You sound incredibly jealous.

YABU. Boyfriend going on holiday with an ex is fucking weird and I wouldn't be happy with it either. I'd end things.

unintentionalthreadkiller · 11/05/2018 23:47

9 months and he's moved in and doing childcare?

myfriendbob · 11/05/2018 23:50

He sounds like a bit of a cock lodger sponging off your sister

by doing all of her housework and childcare? Hmm

ThereIsAlwaysDrama · 11/05/2018 23:54

by doing all of her housework and childcare?

Tbh the girl is 8yo and is likely in school 08.30-3.15 every day. It doesn't take 6 hours a day/5 days a week to do housework.

Rachie1973 · 11/05/2018 23:55

I think ex's with kids need to at least try to get on. Going on holiday together though, no I'd not be overly happy.

Why are you so interested anyway? Its not normal to be so judgemental and involved in your sisters love life.

Ruffian · 12/05/2018 00:01

I can see why she'd be a bit irrationaly jealous. What's it to you though?

CarysMa · 12/05/2018 00:03

I read the original post and I also thought you sounded quite judgmental of your sister! Very odd!

egginacup · 12/05/2018 00:06

I wouldn’t go on holiday with my ex and I would think it very odd if DP wanted to do the same. And sounds like he didn’t even talk to your DSis about it. I think her reaction is perfectly normal tbh.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 12/05/2018 00:06

Nope. There’s no need for him to be going on holiday with his ex and their teenage children and if he chose to do that I’d tell him to go and live there instead.

On top of that, he’s living rent free at your sisters, it’s a piss take to borrow money to go on holiday whilst paying your sister nothing.

Jenasaurus · 12/05/2018 00:12

are you the exw op

VimFuego101 · 12/05/2018 00:18

I could live with them going out for dinner but the holiday would be too much for me. I don't blame your sister.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 12/05/2018 00:20

Anyway his ex wife booked a holiday last month and has asked DSIS DP if he wants to go and said he can pay the money back when he is working again

I read this as he's borrowing the money from his ex-wife not the DSis?

Maybe his teenage DC want him to go on holiday with them and the mum.... or do they not have a say?.

BackforGood · 12/05/2018 00:24

I think your sister is right to be Hmm about this.

Mainly, because it is a bit odd to be going off on a week's holiday with your ex., but also getting into debt for a holiday, when he doesn't have a job and isn't able to contribute anything financially to their relationship would really annoy me. Holidays are luxuries for when you can afford them. If you have no income, then you can't afford them.
It's great to have an amicable relationship with your ex. To be able to both go to parents evenings, or special times in the dc's lives, and to be sensible about arrangements, but that doesn't include going away on holiday together.

All that said, it's not really any of your business.

ThereIsAlwaysDrama · 12/05/2018 00:27

@70isaLimitNotaTarget

He's not in the position to be borrowing money from anyone and no the teenagers don't have a say. They're old enough to understand it wouldn't be appropriate.

PlatypusPie · 12/05/2018 00:39

Maybe it’s an activity holiday that they have always done with their father - something like skiing ( wrong season atm) or sailing or mountain biking and the ex is willing to sub him so it can continue even though his circumstances have temporarily changed . It’s still his family.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 12/05/2018 00:44

The ex has re-married. Is the new spouse going with them/not going with them/spiting their dummy?

What if the teens are 13/14?
Still no say?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 12/05/2018 00:45

spitting not spiting