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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Tonight is the night when I could give it all up

90 replies

Twofishfingers · 11/05/2018 22:30

I was laughed at because of my accent, my nationality and my language. I have lived in the UK for 20 years, and tonight again I was again made fun of. I feel like I have wasted 20 years of my life trying to fit it to a country that will never accept me.

I honestly feel like shit. Please give me some reassurance that I will be ok here, and that the last 20 years haven't been completely wasted.

OP posts:

Kingsclerelass · 12/05/2018 07:38

Op, don’t let them get to you. Their nastiness says much more about them than it does about you. You’ve spent 20 years adding vibrancy to your town. Think how dull life would be if we only drove British cars and ate plaice and chips and played cricket. 😎

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 12/05/2018 07:38

I hesitate a bit to post this, as I really don't want to put a downer on everyone's good intentions in reassuring the OP that most people are not like that. But having been on the receiving end of (mostly) low-level crap like this intermittently in the 20 years I've been in Germany - as a Brit who happens to look what Germans tend to consider Southern European - I have to say from experience that there comes a point when these reassurances begin to ring a bit hollow. Everyone who's not affected by this needs to stand up against it wherever they witness or encounter it, however much they struggle with the idea of being un-British and confrontational. People say this stuff because they think they can get away with it and rely on others to nod and smile, or look uncomfortable and move the subject on. Saying 'oh, but you know most people aren't like that' puts the onus back on the victim to feel OK about things again. It minimises the effect and the extent of this sort of crap. What would be more helpful would be to say 'This is unacceptable. I will call out this stuff when I hear it in the future', and mean it.

Gran22 · 12/05/2018 07:42

DH born in London, moved to Scotland as a child. Had a horrific time being bullied because of his speech. He learnt quickly! I'm Scots, and live in Yorkshire, and I've fortunately never had a problem apart from people mispronouncing my very easy to say Scottish name.

There are thick people everywhere. Some are racist, some are just terminally dim and only 'get' people like themselves. Speak with a local twang and some people will judge you as being rough. Don't have a local dialect and the inverted snobs have a pop at you for being posh.

Grumblepants · 12/05/2018 07:42

I agree people can be mean and they will pick on someone just for being different. I'm from the south coast but moved to the Midlands and I was bullied daily for being white and if I went into a shop they would pretend they didn't understand my accent. I felt so low, but realised people can be twats no matter where they are from. Best to just rise above it and focus on yourself. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 12/05/2018 07:46

I get some nasty racist comments from time to time and have been spat at -twice- while walking, minding my own business, on the street.

I despise the bastards and ignorants racists. I do look back don on them in their low lives and blatant ignorance as most of them have NOTHING to be proud of apart of a misguided idea of some race/country related superiority.

But in general, I think the UK is a wonderfully tolerant place when compared to most countries. Most people (local or not) are amazing and very understanding and tolerant to cultural differences.

I’m sure that if you went back to your country, now that you have been on the receiving end of racism, you will find yourself shocked at the amount of racist comments and jokes people do back home where there is no such multicultural environment. Obviously, back home they may not be aimed at you but, I can assure you, you will find them equally infuriating (at least I do)

supersop60 · 12/05/2018 08:03

Please ignore these idiots and stay. I love our multicultural society!

youarenotkiddingme · 12/05/2018 08:05

They are just twats.

They exist everywhere.

My ds is British but born abroad.

Today a peer called him an Asian and told him to go back to Africa

He was born on neither continent and has neither nationality - but people who are twats are just twats and use whatever they can to be a twat.

youarenotkiddingme · 12/05/2018 08:09

Sorry that was yesterday - and I should probably add he's white British so it's clearly just based on the fact he wasn't born in England - and it's used as a stick.

AsAProfessionalFekko · 12/05/2018 08:11

Come over to West London - nobody gives a rats' where you are from over here!

mydogisthebest · 12/05/2018 08:15

It's really horrible that you were made fun of. The people that did it are ignorant and rude.

Although there is a lot of racism in the UK I still think the majority of people are not racist. I lived in France for several years and the racism there I found unbelievable. One of my friends came to visit (she is black) and got so much abuse it was untrue. She was even spat at in the street.

I love listening to different accents, usually so much nicer than a lot of UK ones. Maybe they were jealous that you have a sexy French accent and can, obviously, speak another language?

Grilledaubergines · 12/05/2018 08:19

Op, that’s shit. But as you say you’ve lived pretty much knob-head free in East London. Which in all honesty is probably one of the best places to be as it’s so multi-cultural. You’ve just been unlucky to be in the company of arseholes.

Probably little consolation but it happens to people born and bred n the UK, for their accent and where they’re from.

East London is your home. Please don’t let these dicks taint what I’m assuming has been 20 good years.

GrannyGrissle · 12/05/2018 08:20

When i moved from South Yorkshire to Northamptonshire as a chile i got bullied daily for my accent, clothes, and surname. I am UK born and bred OP. Some people are nasty insecure bastards is all and fear anything 'different'. The League of Gentlemen is a factual documentary for many UK residents.

ushuaiamonamour · 12/05/2018 08:22

Twofishfingers I'm not surprised by this but I am truly sorry that you've had to put up with it. And I'm appalled by your employer's suggestion; he has shockingly bad manners and for all I know that would be considered unacceptable discrimination in the workplace. It amounts to saying 'I can't be arsed to try to pronounce your name, so change it'. Twat.

Even if you were to go home though you'd still occasionally be called 'pea soup' now and again outside Québec, wouldn't you? possibly by an Anglophone eejit happily scoffing down poutine or tarte au sucre? I hope you're feeling more sanguine this morning, in any case, and good luck to you.

Ticketsfrom · 12/05/2018 08:23

I get this for being Irish STILL after 30 years, ignore it. Some English people are just weird about this stuff, they’re so confused about their own identity and what it means to be British these days IMHO. I reckon turn St George’s Day into a proper non racist celebration and give everyone the day off that might help. Or maybe I just want the day off! They’d probably ruin it with ‘traditional’ black face morris dancers though...

Neversayever · 12/05/2018 08:26

I did a summer abroad in the US. Worked with lots of Eupoeans out there and they were made to change their name so the Americans could understand and pronounce them.

I get tired of the whole Britain is racist thing. Of course it is. But so is every other country.

Helmetbymidnight · 12/05/2018 08:29

I get tired of the whole Britain is racist thing. Of course it is. But so is every other country

Such an odd attitude.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 12/05/2018 08:30

Much like Latte, I was born in England but grew up overseas. When I was growing up I got ignorant twats making comments about my birth country, then when I came here I still get dick heads taking the piss out of my accent. Lesson-there are dickheads all over the world.
Op-look at your life here. A point for every yes answer. Good friends. Family. Contribute to society. Now for them, no matter what they do, what job etc, it's all negated by being racist, ignorant scumbags.
Just think no matter what, you are better than them.

Smeddum · 12/05/2018 08:30

I get tired of the whole Britain is racist thing

Not as tired of it as the people being subjected to it I bet!

stayathomer · 12/05/2018 08:37

Flowers:

snewname · 12/05/2018 08:38

The Birmingham and liverpudluan accent are widely mocked throughout the UK.

BrightonCalling · 12/05/2018 08:39

@Ticketsfrom
I got it for being English in Ireland too.

stayathomer · 12/05/2018 08:39

I get tired of the whole Britain is racist thing. Of course it is. But so is every other country

Ireland unfortunately can be horrendously racist, but then there's so many people that aren't. Please don't even think about leaving, for every person that is mean and horrible there's more that don't give a you know what and respect you

Ticketsfrom · 12/05/2018 08:41

BrightonCalling - you’ve moved to the one country that the English oppressed for 700 years. Tricky one!

RebelRogue · 12/05/2018 08:41

I had a coworker asking if I was "legal". I work in a school ffs!!

BlackeyedSusan · 12/05/2018 08:42

There are racist people in Britain. There are racist people everywhere. People take the piss out of different regional accents as well. Does not make it right though.

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