Tonight is the night when I could give it all up

[Twofishfingers]

I was laughed at because of my accent, my nationality and my language. I have lived in the UK for 20 years, and tonight again I was again made fun of. I feel like I have wasted 20 years of my life trying to fit it to a country that will never accept me.

I honestly feel like shit. Please give me some reassurance that I will be ok here, and that the last 20 years haven't been completely wasted.

It's not ok what they did but in your 20 years here I hope you have met many many more welcoming and kind people than unkind.
There are some idiots in all societies.

Twofishfingers
I was laughed at because of my accent.

Twats are twats, you can't, sadly change them. You don't need to change yourself though. Ignore the tossers.

For what it's worth I'm from the UK, born & bred on the South Coast. I moved to Essex 15 years ago and they still rip the piss out of my southern accent!

That's 90% of the reason why I fucked off out of the UK, after 25 years just couldn't take it anymore.

They are massive idiots. For what it’s worth, I am a born and raised Londoner and have been called all sorts (my parents immigrated here), so I do understand. For all the shitty people out there, there are many others who are lovely.

What pathetic people. London is a melting pot and I love it - I love that I can walk anywhere and meet people from all over the globe without even leaving my city. I really hate what Brexit has brought out in some individuals. People say all the time that they were racist before and it just brought it out where they wouldn't say it before but I'm not sure I believe that, I genuinely think it's given some people the idea that it's okay to become racist who wouldn't have before been so ungrateful to people who made us what we were and tell them to all fuck off now prior to the referendum. I know there are many non racist brexiteers but I am so gutted at people feeling unwelcome in a way I just don't think was there before to the same extent. I've seen several people leave since who wouldn't have if it didn't happen who just felt unwelcome who were bloody good people London should have kept hold of.

It's odd isn't it - I have been so naïve in the past thinking that it was all ok, that diversity made London an interesting place to live and work, blabla. And now people (including my employer) have casually said to me 'have you ever thought about calling yourself 'insert easy to pronounce English name' instead of 'European sounding, name quite easy to pronounce, and which is actually mine'.

Will you speak to your friends about it?

Some people take the mickey out of any difference. When I lived in London some kept commenting on my Northern accent 'eee bah gum'. If you look at names threads you'll see lots of people struggling with names with different spellings not just 'foreign' ones. It must get wearing after a while but if you've been happy until now I wouldn't let it put you off.

Move to London you will be fine there.

I used to live there for years and now I live in a backward part of the country and some people have mocked my accent. Ignoramuses.

I am British by the way. People can be insular sadly. It just shows them up if you ask me.

People seem to think their racist views have now been validated because “ the majority” think like them

Unfortunately I agree with this. While not all leave voters are racist, unfortunately the campaign and aftermath led to some awful views being “validated”.

OP it’s not right the way you’ve been treated. There’s never an excuse for small minded prejudice.

PollyPelargonium52 OP lives in East London

London is a melting pot and I love it - I love that I can walk anywhere and meet people from all over the globe without even leaving my city

Hear Hear! Infertility Bitch!

I love that I live in London too which as you say is a melting pot and where i work (NHS) has of course many nationalities. I loved it in the recent good weather that the West Africans where out in all their splendour - vibrant coloured dresses and headgear. One of our staff (I think from Ghana) came back from his hols wearing a particularly loud shirt!

I also love that you can buy foods from all over the world here.

Of course it is not all good I notice racism on all sides - Asian shopkeepers telling black to go home to their own country, west Indians and somalis having a set to.

So sorry OP but you get twats like this everywhere - the worst place I've encountered similar behaviour is Australia - very narrow minded and dumb behaviour!

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Some people can be really shit.

Dh is French. He gets plenty of this. Most just ribbing but some rather more patronising such as from my narcissistic family. He normally gives as good as he gets.

Having lived in France, I didn’t really get it tbh but it was perhaps more the circles I moved in. I have had this from dhs family, such as piss taking and bitching on how the Brits deserted them at Dunkirk. No mention of the allies saving their country after the Normandy landings, which has been largely forgotten. Having gone for French citizenship, I learnt in the paperwork that apparently de Gaulle saved France .

Dh was asked by several people when he was going home after the Brexit vote. They were joking but he wasn’t terribly impressed. What really pisses me off is that people with superior language skills are being horrid to ones with inferior skills and there is no way to properly defend yourself.

For what it's worth I'm from the UK, born & bred on the South Coast. I moved to Essex 15 years ago and they still rip the piss out of my southern accent!

My family got that at my brother's second wedding in Essex. They continually took the piss out of our accents. Thought we were posh! We are so not!

There was a very funny (not ha ha) atmosphere. My uncle is a charmer and can usually get anyone speaking. That lot were hard work. I am white and English by the way. Born in Kent but now a London lady!

People are just knobs. Especially the ones whobask your name. Which can be quite simple and easy to pronounce and they start moving their mouth in an animated way trying to pronounce it in a weird way. You then say it again. And rhey add extra sounds and letters and end uo saying just call me mary .

I havent had my morning coffee yet hence why my post was a bit confusing

flumpybear again another generalisation about Australia. If you actually lived in a place like I do in Melbourne you would realise that the majority of people are not like that at all.
OP don't let them get you down, they are just ignorant.

I got what you meant Jam

I can’t understand why people mock accents, or names or make a big fuss of pronunciation. If I struggle to pronounce something I’ll apologise and say that I’m not good at it (I’m not, never have been) but that I want to get it right because it matters.

Mocking a name/accent is just shitty and ignorant.

I'm English and have lived abroad for years now and get this OP.

There are twats everywhere.

The only place you wont get this is in French speaking Canada.

So your option is grow a tougher skin or move back home!

I worked with a woman from abroad who was not asked but TOLD to change her name so the kids could pronounce it (we were both teachers): she had to go by her first name rather than surname, although the children didn't realise it was her first name. Then, to top it off, we both got married (not to each other) - the school switched to my married name no problem but she was told that she had to keep using her first name to avoid confusion! Her maiden surname was slightly difficult to pronounce but people would have got used to it after 2-3 attempts, IMO. Her married name was the same nationality but really easy for English people to pronounce, just no excuse at all. I couldn't believe the Head treated her like that.

I now live and work in east London. I have a lot of kids with names I don't find obvious/ easy to pronounce until I get used to them - e.g. many Nigerian, Indian & Polish names. I ask them how it's said and make an effort to remember & get it right. It's not a difficult concept to call people by their desired name!

I'm really sorry, OP, for the ignorance you've faced. Not the whole of east London is like that! I have lived abroad in the past ( though not for 20 years) and I do appreciate how it feels to constantly be the foreigner.

So your option is grow a tougher skin or move back home!

It’s sad that it’s OP who needs to “grow a tougher skin” and not twats who need to stop being twats.

Although tbh I feel twats isn’t strong enough, what they are doing is ignorant, and it’s the kind of “low level” shit that builds up over time and is really damaging.

Most people would call out blatantly racist/xenophobic views on the spot (or I’d hope so at least), but examples like the ones OP gives aren’t so simple. If you tried to call it out I bet it would be dismissed as “banter” or “can’t you take a joke?”
But the undercurrent between blatant prejudice and the “low level” (I’m sorry I can’t think of another way of describing it) shit is exactly the same. It comes from a place of ignorance, intolerance and some kind of ridiculous superiority complex.

I think of the villagers from Beauty and the Beast now, when Gaston is getting them to storm the castle.

"We don't like what we don't understand, in fact it scares us"

You're seeing their ignorance and their fear. Poor basic racists, to live such a miserable existence. How many more experiences and launguage nuances and cultures have you learned about that they'll miss out on?

Also, if you give up (and if we lose our wonderful diversity of population from other cultures), we'll be left with nothing but these chumps. Please don't do that to us! We need you!

Ask them ‘how many languages do you speak” and leave it there. They are racist and stupid and you meet idiots like that in every country.