AIBU to threaten my sons school with legal action.

[Mumofyoungteenagers]

SORRY LONG STORY. My DS is a teenager, a typical one I guess, moody, sometimes confrontational, but struggling to cope with a mother with a terminal illness (that’s for another thread) and GCSE’s next year. Don’t get me wrong he not an angel, he’s not well behaved 24/7 but he’s got a heart of gold. His hormones are as active as his growth spurts and as I said he’s struggling. However on top of all that he’s being bullied at school, really badly, by the teachers! They are basically throwing him out of class on the slightest whim, one day he hadn’t even stepped foot inside the class! One time they told him his computer was too slow to boot up. It’s their computer. So because he wasn’t working they sent him out of class. Because he got upset and said “I can’t work until the computer boots up” they then excluded him from the class for 2 weeks for “swearing”. Something they now admit he didn’t do. They’ve previously excluded him for 5 days for “throwing a table” and when we queried it they admitted he threw a bottle in frustration because another teacher was shouting at him inches from his face for something that the teacher now admits he hadn’t done but she thought at the time he did. He’s been kicked out of classes for letting off caps with the teacher saying she saw him doing it, to then state in a written internal email, which we saw, that she had her back to class and it ‘sounded like it came from his direction.’ They say he’s said things and when we challenge it because it doesn’t marry up with what he is saying happened, they back pedal and say oh well yes he didn’t actually say that but “we know that’s what he meant.” One’s even said don’t bother turning up for my class. When he said “why?” the teacher replied “oh I’ll think of something later.”this is just a snapshot there are lots more but all similar.
Now he had just started the school when my illness was diagnosed and he went off the rails, not in a drugs smoking drinking kind of way but in an emotional, crying, get uptight with people teasing him kind of way. Pupils teased him knowing they could wind him up and he’d get all angry and at 12 couldn’t control it and would freak out and hit the walls and lockers and throw books and stuff. (Not at people) But he’s been trying since then to calm it down but the teachers won’t let him. He’s supposed to have a card he can show teachers when he’s needs five minutes out to calm down, but some teachers won’t let him use it and just keep on at him till he gets stressed out and runs out of the class and of course once he’s done that he’s excluded either from the school/subject. He’s collapsed at home now with bad vomiting and diarrhoea sobbing saying” I can’t cope Mum, why do they hate me?” I want to sue the school but my XH says it will make it worse and I’m too ill to do all the work. He’s basically washing his hands of legal action, but wants to continue too send in formal complaints every time it happens but I’ve put 5 in in the last three months. Fellow pupils (not just friends) are backing up what he says and even the head has admitted to us that staff are using punishments so they do not have to teach students. It’s a multi academy business so I can’t even get any help from the LEA. Should I sue or is my Ex right IBU?

Is it an academy? If so the best way to deal with it is to go through the school's complaints procedure as far as it goes. Stage 3 has to include a panel hearing of the complaint with one member of the panel not being involved in the running of the school so independent. If that doesn't resolve things you can complain to the Education and Skills Funding Agency who regulate academies.

My DS is also coping with a parent with a terminal illness (my DH) and have been more than obliging. It might help that he's I sixth form so doesn't count on the attendance figures, but they have given him a named teacher to go to if he's feeling overwhelmed and wants to talk, he can go home at any time if he feels stressed or is needed by his dad, and on days when his dad is so unwell he needs a carer and I am at work, he can stay home and work from home as long as he gets his coursework done and stays in email contact with his teachers. I am pleasantly surprised by how accommodating they have been, but it shows that it can be done.

Every LA is different so not sure what the processes are in yours but could be similar. In my LA I would be recommend that school hold a team around the family meeting to discuss ds needs and come up with an action plan of how to support. As a parent I would also be asking for a request for educational psychologist involvement and/or young people's worker. Sounds like he needs to have someone in school whom he trusts to talk to- can a mentor be assigned?

Good luck op. My parents didnt get anywhere with my school even when my dm saw with her own eyes the teachers being mean to me because they didn’t realise she was sat around the corner in the office. The head denied and denied calling me and my parents liers. It maths and art that where the problem teachers/subjects.

Winston’s Wish charity have some great information and resources on their website about supporting children when a family member has a serious illness:

www.winstonswish.org/serious-illness/

I would focus on your son and getting him the support he needs. Let his dad handle the school - he needs to be stepping up now to support his son.

What do you expect to achieve by suing the school?
What would be the grounds for such an action?

If you go down that avenue then your relationship with the school is beyond repair - how can you justify sending your child that you are taking legal action against?

If you want your child to remain at the school then you need to go in with a changed attitude and look to work with them for the benefit of your child.
If you can't do this then you should move your child to another school.

Have you considered how much stress legal action would cause you? Your child? Would it really be worth it?

Should they allow your sons behaviour to effect the exam chances of all the other students

He seems to need councling get him down to the gp but whatever sadness he is feeling their are still 30 other children in the class to consider

Stop putting in complaints about individual incidences - it means the HT/DHT can just ‘investigate’ and then resolve it by negotiating with you.
Make a formal written complaint about the HT failure to prevent these 4 teachers victimising your son. Name them and bullet point next to each name exact examples of what has happened.
As it’s a complaint about the HT, it will have to be heard by governors or members of the trust board if there are no governors. Do not be fobbed off ...... insist that the resolution of the complaint includes actual actions that the school are going to take to ensure the teachers involved follow the school’s behaviour and sanctions policy (& thus presumably the red card thing) and are not victimising your son. If the resolution doesn’t include this, then don’t accept that the complaint is resolved and move up to the next stage in their complaint policy. As pp said, at a certain stage you’ll get to a panel with an independent member. If that fails, go to the Education Funding Agency. They will hold the school to account (& far more effectively than Ofsted!)

Can you afford to present your case to a lawyer and seek their advice on how to deal with this issue. Perhaps an official letter from a law firm would be enough for them to take this seriously and modify their behavior. Perhaps some kind of mediation with the support of a lawyer who has knowledge of how the law and basic human rights applies to this situation would be of benefit. I have witnessed with my own eyes on a number of separate occasions a child or children being singled out and bullied by teachers behaving with a pack mentality so I don't disbelieve you. I have also seen children saying teacher was unfair when they are upset with some kind of consequence for their behavior too. But that doesn't mean we should doubt you or your son. Good luck

Ask for a managed move. Whether your son is telling the truth and he's being bullied by all his teachers OR if he's misbehaving so badly he deserves all the punishments it doesn't matter as it has gone too far now.

A fresh start is needed. Move him NOW to avoid even more disruption for him, disruption for classmates and (possibly?) stress for staff.

When I was at school I had one teacher who hated me. I had him for several years and it all came to a head in year 10. His writing was atrocious hardly any of us could read it so one day I was sitting staring into space (I was top of class regardless of not reading his writing always finished my work first and also completed other homework) and he came over banged his hand on the table, I sort of jumped startled by the noise, he asked me why I wasn’t doing my work so I said, sir I can’t really understand your handwriting, he went mental told me I was racist and told me to sit outside. 10 minutes later another one of the girls came out because he said something similar to her. I was outside the whole of class pretty much.
What I’m saying some teachers think that thier higher power is a tool to try and manipulate those who wrong them even the slightest when what they need is guidance. I saw this a lot with some of the rowdier boys in my class.
There might be 2 sides to every story but in situations like OP son the teacher always comes off looking great whilst the student looks like a little troublemaker. Maybe he is being a little so and so but aren’t teachers suppose to guide them. And don’t get me wrong some kids are evil little shits but not all are. Most are just putting up a front. You get some amazing teachers who go above and beyond, you get some that just have a knack for getting the students to trust them, and then you have the ones who think their position grants them to be horrible bitter and condescending.

linzeyhun have you bothered to get past this first post? The headteacher has acknowledged that the staff members the son has complained about aren't acting correctly so need training. Other pupils who are not friends with OP son have verified his side of the story.

Maybe RTFT.

Sounds a little like your attempt to keep him stable in the same school is doing a lot of damage. Move him - it’ll be the best thing. Teachers are human and sometimes if they know a child has had violent tendencies they’ll send them ASAP rather then risk the 29+ other children.

I feel for you OP, and your ds, we have similar but definitely not as bad with our dd (no bullying teachers as such, just crap at support). Camhs are so overstretched they're not at all interested unless the child is in imminent danger of hurting themselves, as you've found. There's no help to manage things before they get that far.

It sounds like your son needs a good bit of support from school that he's clearly not getting and that's so sad. I'm so mad for you both, I thought my dd was the only one with shitty teachers not listening to the need for "timeout cards", some are ok but others bloody awful. It should always be the policy to let out first then report to a staff member that knows the situation so they can help decide if it were necessary, it can be so damaging to not be believed in the first instance, but there are definitely teachers who operate that way.

You really should look into other schools and check out their pastoral care and support - ours is a genuinely great performing school in every other way but that - we're now looking to see if there are schools that have it the other way around. I'd much rather supplement education at home if needed and have great care at school. I understand that might not be an option for you, but I hope some of the organisations pp have flagged for you give you some hope and help.

I'm sorry op, I hope this can be resolved

My other thoughts as someone said above: don't report individual incidents...

Compose it around, 'senior management are not protecting and supporting my son through 4 separate teachers treating him unfairly' .

I would open the letter with: I am the terminally mother of Joe Bloggs... My son is obviously very distressed at the imminent loss of me.

That should make them sit up and take notice...

Send it also to the governors /local authority - I think they still have some involvement even when academy?

Linzeyhun also appears to have missed the bit about several teachers phoning the OP to say how well her son is doing in their classes.
So no, not all teachers.

OP I am shocked and horrified at your post. You and your family have to cope with your diagnosis, more than enough worry and sadness for anyone.
On top of this your son is being treated appallingly by some teachers. Even his peers are prepared to acknowledge his unfair treatment. How can they respect such teachers? The head sounds pathetically weak and incapable of ensuring that all his staff maintain professional standards and that this school is a safe environment for your child.
As avocado says above alert the LEA and Ofsted, school governors and your MP.
Wishing you and your family strength to cope with this distressing situation.

This was the exact situation my sister faced at her school during my mums cancer diagnosis and subsequent death. We also lost my grandad to cancer at the same time and she was very stressed with school and really needed the ability to take herself out occasionally.
She also had a card to let herself out of class if needed that was ignored by certain teachers and if she got upset in any lesson, those teachers also accused her of interrupting the class. CAHMS were awful and no help and the headteacher was useless.
She moved schools and is now doing great and likely to get good GCSE results even though her previous teachers told her she would fail.