Am I expecting too much of my six year old?

[suitechild]

DS is 6 and he is a funny, energetic and smart child however he still has epic tantrums over pretty small things - almost toddler style. He is also pretty selfish and refuses (or makes a massive fuss) if he's asked to help out with small chores and seems to lack understanding of other people's needs. Am I expecting too much from him or do I need to think about us tackling these issues?

Dd: WHY DO I HAVE TO EVERYTHING IN THIS HOUSE?

Yes!
We have this all of the time, normally after the simple requests are made to her (please brush your teeth now, pop you breakfast things in the dishwasher, can you make sure you’re dirty clothes go in the washing basket)

DD is 5, and this sound like it could be her!

One thing that helps her is pre-warning - so on the way home today I told her 'you can play for a bit, then it's dinner time after which you'll need to empty the dishwasher and then you can watch something'. She still had a mini-strop about the dishwasher, but I had a timer going - if she hadn't emptied the dishwasher when it went off, she wouldn't get to watch anything. Today at least, it worked.

Aah yr 2's what a lovely age that is.

Little mini teenagers, then they come out the other side.

My 6yr old is just going to be awful [weeps]

My 6yo can be a right knob when I ask her to do a simple chore. She will merrily volunteer for a chore or just do it, it just seems to be my asking that offends.

She isn't given to tantrums, she's more of a sulker, but that's probably subjective.

In terms of 'are you expecting too much', no, I don't think so. But it is unusual for a child that age to be a bit intransigent? No, not at all.

Sounds pretty normal to me too - I agree with a pp - the warning system works well - gives them a little ‘heads up’ 😂

rainbowfudgee
Here are some links: Montelukast is the drug name, Singulair is one of the marketed names for the medicine.

Merc (manufacturer's) Website - www.merck.com/product/usa/pi_circulars/s/singulair/singulair_pi.pdf see page 3 "Neuropsychiatric Events"

Also this Peer-reviewed paper (one of many)
erj.ersjournals.com/content/50/2/1700148

There is a Facebook support Group forr affected individuals
Montelukast (Singulair) Side Effects Support and Discussion Group

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions x

@rainbowfudgee See above post (just worked out how to tag you after posting!)

Thanks so much everyone. Really good to hear that his behaviour is pretty typical for his age. We've also had the, 'why do I have to do everything around here' comment which drives me nuts!
He does get a small amount of pocket money and we have before said this was for his chores but haven't really followed through on that so I think I will sit down with him and make a chart he needs to complete.
I do countdowns and warnings for changing activities with him but recently he's started saying, 'no countdowns' just tell me when but then he often has a tantrum.

My just 7yo is similar. I’ve found doing chores alongside her helps - it’s hard for her to say ‘I do everything’ when I’m folding laundry, her sister is unloading the dishwasher and I’ve asked her to wipe the table (and if need be, I point it out).

I don’t think it’s SATs pressure in her case, as she doesn’t know she’s doing / done them (school hasn’t said when they are to parents, either).

I think she’s just cross at getting more responsibility as she gets older, and is testing to see whether being babyish will get her out of doing things. So I’m being very consistent about calling her back as many times as it takes to do a job, even if would be much easier to do it myself. Then I get ‘but I FORGOT...’ and wailing and crawling around on the floor. Ugh!

Goldmandra, on the other hand, sounds like an uninformed asshole. Have you ever met a child with PDA?!

I have a DD with PDA and yes it was diagnosed formally, not by me.

On what basis have you come to that conclusion and since when has Google been preferable to a paediatrician?

I haven't come to a conclusion. I made a suggestion of something the OP might like to read about.

Googling doesn't get you a diagnosis. However it can help parents for whom ASD and PDA have never crossed their mind get an idea of what might be going on with their child if they are struggling to understand behaviour that doesn't feel age appropriate. Nobody mentioned ASD to me until my older DD was 12 and I bloody well wish someone had suggested I Google them when she was 6 and started struggling. She would have easily fitted the OP's descriptions at that stage and I couldn't work out why she seemed harder to help than her peers.

If a child does have PDA, the strategies like increasing rewards and sanctions can be counter-productive and increase everyone's anxiety.

I’d say 50% of 6yo’s I teach are like this

Unfortunately Gold there is also a lot of utter nonesense on the internet which has parents diagnosing X, Y,Z based on very little actual evidence.

That can be extremely difficult to come back from for some. The internet also massively encourages confirmation bias - because it literally channels you towards things which confirm your thoughts as you google.

I think it can be really damaging; however, I’m sorry if you felt I was overly snippy.

Unfortunately Gold there is also a lot of utter nonesense on the internet which has parents diagnosing X, Y,Z based on very little actual evidence.

I see the flip side of this in the form of parents being informed by teachers and other people dismally lacking in qualification to make the judgement that their child definitely does not have a neurodevelopmental disorder, resulting in months or years of the stress and damage while the children's needs are left unmet.

Thank you for the apology

Gold

I don’t disagree that this happens. The training within schools for spotting this kind of thing ranges from outstanding to inadequate - and therefore the provision equally so.

It’s a difficult one, isn’t it? I think the answer is to completely change the way schools deal with behaviour and SEND, and to have on staff EPs - or at least in house access to them. That’s what we have done and it’s been transformational.

SmileEachDay

At risk of completely hijacking this thread, I couldn't agree more.

A change of approach is certainly required in an awful lot of schools. I hope you have the opportunity to share your good practice and the results with other schools in your area.

If you haven't already heard of The whole School SEND Consortium you might find it interesting and you clearly have some useful practice to share with them.

My almost 5 year old just goes deaf for any request. My 1 year old is more bloody helpful.

Thanks Gold

Sorry OP!!

@Goldmantra and @SmileEachDay thank you for showing that people can act like adults here Your conversation has made me smile

just to say my 5 year old is like that, my 7 year old is not. it's normal