Am I expecting too much of my six year old?

[suitechild]

DS is 6 and he is a funny, energetic and smart child however he still has epic tantrums over pretty small things - almost toddler style. He is also pretty selfish and refuses (or makes a massive fuss) if he's asked to help out with small chores and seems to lack understanding of other people's needs. Am I expecting too much from him or do I need to think about us tackling these issues?

Sounds like my 6 year old son too

No you are not asking too much of him at 6 both mine did those sort of chores, the tantrums need to stop though.

My child is 7 and she's putting lots of pressure on herself about the SATs. It's definitely not come from me. She knows she's one of the top in the class as the teacher has told them and she feels a lot of pressure to be 'clever.
She's been doing practice papers for weeks and having them sent home as homework.

Sounds like a typical 6 year old, behaving like a bit of an annoying dick at times.

Goldmandra, on the other hand, sounds like an uninformed asshole. Have you ever met a child with PDA?!

Yes. Don't stop asking him to do something to avoid a tantrum. I might seem like 'anything for a quiet life' at the time. But in the long run it's not.

God, my 5YO is like this now!

I'd put it down to him being tired from school. He's also seemed to stop doing things for himself he previously used to. I'd put a lot of it down to DS2 who's 3 is still getting help with some stuff and DS1 wants the attention.

They do feel under pressure from sats. They're not stupid; they know they're being tested. OP this age is a pretty transitional one from little kid to big kid. I think the behaviour's normal. They can do chores though, you just keep having to tell them and tell them until it's a habit.

Any future partner of his will thank you for persevering. 😉

My 6 yo is driving me a bit barmy so you're not alone!

She has an answer to everything
She won't let her brother in her room, slams the door in his face.cant cope with him touching her things but will happily play with him and his things for hours (bosses him around something rotten)
She's stopped tidying, leaves her room in a tip whereas she used to be really careful.
I have to repeat myself constantly. 'Put those in the Laundry basket' 'shoes and coat please' 'share with your brother' etc
Requires a constant audience...the questions never stop, telling on her brother and 'watch this!'

Good as gold 'gifted' pupil #eyeroll# she's a joy in lots of ways but wow she's strong willed!

Tiredness makes everything worse.

I don't think you're asking too much, but I don't think you need to worry too much either that he's not quite there yet.

I second tired after school, not to be underestimated. Dd often takes her tiredness out on me after school. Won't do anything. Nearly goes out of her way to annoy me as if testing me. She's just turned 7. But I know she is exhausted.

My 6 year ds is exactly the same. His older brother was as well but he grew out of this type of behaviour age 7 or 8 so i am hopeful my yougest will too.

Sounds pretty normal to me. My DM likes to say, with meaningful looks (at me and DSis, not the DGC) "it takes a long time to civilise children!" Some people on here have mentioned that they link pocket money to completed chores. Is that an option for you? I like the suggestion of engineering opportunities to help out with younger DC. My DD (5.5) is a right little madam at home, especially when tired, but is very sweet with our 3 year old and baby neighbours. She behaves pretty well at school. You can also discuss how characters are feeling in books/TV shows. DD adores Horrid Henry and we have had a few discussions about what it would feel like to be called 'Horrid' or to be 'Perfect Peter'.

Just checking yoour son isn't taking montelukast asthma medication as this has been seen to cause extreme tantrums in children.

I'm a primary teacher. In my experience children are inherently selfish until age 8 in general.

Don't worry OP.

I have 2 6yos and one is super helpful but the other is so lazy with proper attitude. We have "family meetings" occasionally to re-set the expectations. That does help but only alongside reminders.

Chores? I think he should do them. I expected that form my two at that age and they did do it (sometimes with me next to them to ‘help’ or ‘guide’ them)
Selfish? Itdepends what you mean by selfish tbh. There is selfish because he is only 6 yo and having no respect at all for other people needs (eg refusing to do x or y because his sibling needs it for example)
Tantrums? Sorry but no. I was expecting better at that age again. I wouod be very careful not to back down in any way on those.

@YouDancin do you have a link to a paper please?

DSD was like this at that age. The selfishness, not caring about others' needs, tantrums about being asked to do chores. I can't even count how many times I told her "other people have feelings too" or "think about how you would feel if someone said/did that to you". Everything you've described sounds pretty typical for a child of that age, in my experience. She grew out of it.

My six year old is the same. She’s better if I ask in the right way. I think it’s normal to an extent but can be due to tiredness after school. My 6yr old may have a touch of adhd as my eldest has it more obviously.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with him at all.

My dd is 7 and some days she will happily help out then others she kicks up a stink.

Just this morning. Me: dd can you go get your shoes from upstairs please ready to go to school. Dd: WHY DO I HAVE TO EVERYTHING IN THIS HOUSE!! Queue stomping upstairs and back down, sitting on the step and complaining about how hard life is

I don’t think you are asking too much.

If the bad behaviour is new you might want to investigate further.

If not just keep at it, he’ll get there eventually.

Sounds normal to me. Both of mine were like that and grew out of it. Enjoy that bit, because they grow back into it as soon as puberty hits!

My DD is doing her preparing for her year 2 stats and she's exhausted and moody as a result. I agree that it is entirely possible that your DS is struggling too. Like your DS my DD is very well behaved at school - they have commented on it only last week - but I think it's like a bottle of pop....they shake her up but she only goes POPPPPPP when she relaxes at home and take her lid off.

Sounds like he is having trouble transitioning and adjusting when things dont go according to his idea of the plan. Its something you have to train into some DC more than others. It might not be the chores he is objecting to per se, more the feeling of being out of control.

I would suggest helping him design a chart with the plan for after school and weekends, with chunks of time allocated for different things, and chunks of time allocated for "free play" or "last minute plans" This way he knows when things are going to run as expected and when things are going to be a little loose and he has to be flexible. Then on the school run every morning, run down the plan with him... Its an ordinary school day today, then I will pick you up and we will come home, then it is homework and chore time. Your chores today are XYZ. Then we have free play time, I wonder what you are going to choose to do today? Then dinner is going to be sausages and broccoli, then you will need to put your plate in the dishwasher and we will have free play for half an hour before doing the bedtime thing. Its going to be a fun day... etc etc

Then as he gets older, adjust to less structure and more flexibility