This is going to be massively outing, but sod it!
I live with my DP in a duplex flat. DP owns the flat, I'm not on the mortgage and I don't have a tenancy agreement (yes, I know, but I can't afford a solicitor to draw up an equity agreement and work part-time, still a student) At Christmas, DP's mate was planning to split up with his girlfriend and at my suggestion (to save him continuing to live with her to save money in spite of wanting to break up with her!) I said this mate should come and stay with us. In January, he split and moved in. In late February, DP asked whether I wanted to make it a longer-term thing. The mate (FM, flatmate!) started paying us rent and moved upstairs. He also doesn't have an official agreement.
I like FM. We've been friends for as long as I've known DP. We get on well, and back in January I was working really long hours and DP was studying so it was nice to have company and have someone to go to the pub with. He moans about DP a lot (they moan about each other) and because DP and I weren't getting along, it was nice to have someone who kind of knew where I was coming from. FM can be a bit sexist and direct, and he likes to explain things to me at length like my job but apart from that he's an alright guy.
And now he's been living here for months. We share cooking, shopping and bills between the three of us. FM and DP used to live together for a few years when I was at uni, and apparently have similar high standards for flat cleanliness. They expect the surfaces in the kitchen clean, cooker clean, all things put away and no 'clutter' at any time. FIY their old flat was a shithole and hardly ever met this standard.
FM doesn't like my cooking. He complains to DP all the time that I'm messy, or leave my stuff in the kitchen (laptop and shoes and things) or don't clean the cooker every night. DP agrees. FM is aggressive and mean to me one minute and then sweet as fuck the other times. He correct me during conversations, or argues with me about politics or whatever endlessly. He does the same to DP who will have 'a chat' about how I'm spoken to, yet simultaneously agree with him.
Last week, I'd gone out to a class, then come back and was sat working in the kitchen. The kitchen wasn't clean, granted, and I was making stuff for lunches for the week. FM came in from the gym, stood there with his arms folded for about five minutes then demanded that I clean the kitchen because he can't cook. I (probably badly) responded "don't cook then". He went for a shower, I cleaned the kitchen. He came back, started telling me I was rude, arrogant and disrespectful and should apologise for my comment. Then said that I didn't understand shared space, that I am messy, leave my stuff everywhere, and I'm childish. I left and went to work in a cafe. DP comes home, FM has told him that I stropped for half an hour because he'd reasonably asked me to clean up, and started being a bitch about it. DP came to the cafe and asked me to make peace and apologise! Later he said that he's often told me to clean up, and that I generally tend to throw a massive stop and pointedly don't clean just to piss him off. That I act like a twelve year old, moan about FM all the time and if I was just cleaner, neither of them would have a go at me.
I do the majority of the cleaning. I clean the bathroom and the kitchen and do the dishwasher and hoover and dust and shop... for the last two weeks I've been making sure absolutely none of my stuff is left anywhere (I've done this experiment a couple of times to "keep peace") and all the dishes, shoes, coats etc are FM's. He's left dishes out. Nobody's hoovered. I've cooked and nobody's been in to eat it. FM shaves in his bathroom and leaves hairs on the floor. I had to ask him three times to clean the bathroom because it hadn't been done for two months. DP hasn't cleaned anything apart from wiping the kitchen/cooker for three weeks and counting.
AIBU to just leave all the stuff to prove a point? DP thinks I'm being childish but it's his stuff left out too. They're as bad as each other and I'm fucking sick of being painted out to be the messy one!