What age do you know you are gay?

[Santorin1]

Sorry if this is a stupid question, but I'm not sure what to think.
My son is adamant he's straight and he's just turned 15. About a year ago, he did mention he thought he was bi-sexual, but now says he was trying to fit in with the culture at his school, he's embarrassed about this and wishes he'd never said it. At the time, most of the girls in his class were claiming to be bisexual (they are not anymore) and a few of the boys in his friendship group too. He does have a friend who is probably gay and there are several boys in his class who came out a while ago. He also has straight friends who are boys.

There is also a "fandom" around a reality tv series called Rupauls Drag Race. It's like Americas Next Top Model, but for drag queens and it's all very OTT and seems to have a term cult following. My son is on chats about this on Instagram and I'm not sure whether to read anything into it? Does anyone else have teen boys who are into this show. He says he has been "openly straight" on the chats, but I must admit I just don't get it.

I’m not gay, but my friend knew when he was about 18, but he thought he might be around 13+ but never knew for sure until he had grown a bit. My other gay friend said she has always known, but she had a rough time of it (religious family)

I could not be a bigger fan of RPDR if I tried. I've been to see half the queens, follow them on social media, my friends and I get together once a week to watch the new episode etc. My friends are both male and female, only one male is gay.

At the moment, sexuality seems to be at its most confusing. If a young boy likes pink there are those telling him he's trans, refusing to call children 'he' or 'she' and it's become almost 'worst case scenario' for someone to be "cis" (I hate that word) so I have no doubt that your son's head is all over the place! Today's teens have my sympathy tbh! We may as well tell them that you can be whoever you want to be providing it's not 'mainstream'.

He will figure it all out.

Again, I'd like to thank everyone for talking sense and you're all right, that the labels don't matter and what will be will be. I think there are so many labels for sexuality now that teens tie themselves in knots trying to define where they fit in - even before they've started dating anyone. And the parents are even more baffled! Anyway, as long as he's happy and confident within himself and we can keep communication open, that's all that matters. I need to take a step back and stop worrying. Thankyou so much again.

I say leave the boy to do his thing :) being curious is not a bad thing and he should feel free to express himself! And from seeing the show myself I know it’s not bad at all and will not hurt your son at all and I’m not sure it’s best to describe the drag race community as a cult but I can see your concern. Just don’t snoop too much into your sons stuff or it could make massive barriers between you!!

He knows,
just leave him be and support him whatever.

In hindsight I was gay as from a very young age but had no words for it and the world was a different place so I didn’t get to discuss my feelings with anyone and it was very lonely being a kid/teen who had no attraction to the opposite sex but no alternative.
It’s brill that kids now can be open, experiment or whatever, I find it astonishing that being LGNTQ+’is now seen as a plus by some kids, that it’s cool.
Your DS will find his own way.

I knew I was attracted to women and men from a young age, around 11 or 12 when I started having crushes. For a while my mum had me convinced it was a phase and my brain would learn to only be attracted to men and that all girls learn that [mum, if you are reading this, have you yet considered you might be a bit bi - that you just got married to a guy?] . As I got older I learned it was certainly easier to find men who wanted to date me but I've never stopped finding women attractive.

I have an ex- girlfriend who’s mum went to a fortune teller ( when my gf was about 12 and NOT into boys then and not now) who predicted my ex would marry a tall, red haired man. She never gave up hope that her super dykey daughter would meet this mystery man even when said said daughter married a woman! In fact, at that wedding, the mum got pissed and told us all ( again!) about the prediction and gave the marriage 6 months... my ex and her wife are pushing 15!years together, with 2 kids. Not a red head in sight...