Is this a problem or do I just think it is?

[Fuzzymemory]

For as long as I can remember (which apparently isn't that much!) It's been a joke that I'm forgetful, or just don't pay attention, but over the last few years (I'm mid 30's) I've come to realise there are a lot of things I don't remember, as well as being prone to forgetting things "in the moment".

Such as
My children's birthdays - I don't remember what cakes they had, what we did on the day, what I bought them. I feel like I remember my ds's 1st birthday but I know we have a photo of him that day with his cake and candle, I don't remember it "from memory".

I remember some things from my childhood but again I can't tell you what I did on X birthday because I don't remember! Except there was one which was a big deal because we visited a family member as if it was any other day and when we came home it was like, surprise! So that stands out I guess. I remember that I did some things, but not actually doing them.

I remember traumatic or upsetting things (mostly, I believe) but the things inbetween are a blur.

I don't remember my younger sibling from childhood really, like I KNOW he was there but it's as if we never interacted. I remember when he destroyed something of mine or when he explosion vomited but that's it.

I don't remember my children's first words or when my son started walking. I remember when dd started walking because it coincided with a big event.

Often I will be talking with dh and I'll suggest something and he'll say he just said that but to me it's like I'm convinced he didn't (not in any manipulative kind of way)

At work we have "doing a fuzzy" because my office have noticed the pattern of remembering something last minute and rushing/panicking about it.

It's not remembering things about my children that I find most upsetting, I wonder if in 10 yrs time I won't remember what they're doing now, so I take photos of so many things because I'm scared I won't remember them otherwise, like photos are a prompt and I won't remember without them. But on the other hand, some things I could tell you down to the pauses in a sentence what had happened. These do seem to be traumatic/not nice things though rather than general memories.

This isn't normal is it? Does anyone else feel like this? Would a gp look at me like I was nuts if I went in with that? I mean I'm not "ill" I guess, I just wish I could remember better but I'll never get back what I've already lost.

I think I'm very similar. I'm always forgetting stuff.

Nanny do you remember them again though? Like I forget where I've left my keys, it'll talk me half a day to remember where I last had them or what I did after I cane home to give a clue to where I'll find them, but I do remember in the end. The other stuff above, I have never remembered after whenever I lost it.

I think it’s normal. I have very few childhood memories, I know they’re there and looking at photos will trigger them, but just idly thinking about it won’t.

If you asked me what cake I had for my own birthday last year I couldn’t tell you tbh! I know I made a rainbow cake one year but I can’t remember which birthday - I only know which child because the other two are twins so I do two cakes.

I'm similar. I remember having done things, but not actually doing them...if that makes sense? Like I remember seeing a film of my life, or reading a book about it as against actually living it.

I’m like you. I thought it was normal. My friend can remember conversations and events from when we were at school 30 years ago! I haven’t the foggiest unless it’s something really memorable.

No idea what cakes, dates of walking, etc for my children either.

I just think we’re like that and that’s all there is to it.

I'm quite good at not losing my keys and stuff. Dp is always losing his and it drives me mad so I make sure I know where mine is. I was looking through old messages on fb the other day and there's stuff in the messages that I can't remember doing even with it written down in front of me. It's like stuff goes in my brain and then straight back out again. Then later on someone will say something and I will remember I was supposed to do something.

I’m the same. I put it down to being busy and not having the time or brain capacity to deal with past events and current ones.

You sound the same as me! I can't remember who wore what to which event, what we ate, milestones of my 2 DS... however some things I do remember if attached to something else memorable but not the full picture (if you get my meaning). I have an aunt who remembers everything! Birthdays, event dates, who wore what, what was eaten. Jeepers! Cannot keep up :)

I am good at forward planning though and keep a log book/list which is structured out with days/months/quarters/years so I don't forget to do stuff. I will put in the actual date of something and also add a task 2 weeks earlier (or whatever is reasonable) of "Prepare for X". Microsoft tasks list is v good for this.

A lot of the examples you give with regard to my children I don't consistently remember either. My children are teenagers - not the foggiest what we did, what I bought or what the gift was for their 3rd birthdays, for example, unless I dig the photos out.

I think it's normal.

What the cake was....

Yes I'm the same and especially since turning 30. DP gets annoyed with me because he insists he has told me things that and I insist he hasn't. Very large swathes of my memory is gone, my dad died a couple of years ago and I just smile and nod when people say at least you have memories - I barely remember much about him at all. The minute he died I forgot what he sounds like.

I can remember very minute details about specific random events usually things to do with an event at work or something non important. It's as if the more passionately I care about something the more likely I am to forget it.

I too have this issue. That and vivid dreams becoming "memories" such that I sometimes and not sure if certain events happened. I find whole holidays are a blank as well as most of my childhood. I do remember warm sunny days and a general childhood happy but little detail. It is certainly odd amongst my family and my husband is accustomed to saying "remember when we went to X museum" and me saying "no". I have a brilliant short term memory and can remember work details from products I managed 10 years ago. I can no longer remember the first person I kissed or who I first had sex with or my whole school German exchange or anything about the house I lived in until I was 7.
I find it a bit disturbing and sometimes a little sad when I notice one of the holes in my memory but nothing I can do about it!

Or that I have seen any of 100 films I've watched with my husband. I can always tell if I've read a book before though. Apparently hubby and I went on a short break to the Lake District 8 years ago that I don't have any recollection of. I can remember my NI number off by heart and the postcode and phone number of my flat that I lived in 15 years ago though!

I'm divorced from the father of my children and I've noticed how much memory is based on repetition. So when we were together we'd reminisce about certain events but now I have no-one to reminisce with - these were events when only he and I were present (maybe with babies) but if I mention them to anyone else, it sounds as though I miss him. It's not that, it's that it's part of my history, and I want to remember it.

This is something I really envy people who were together from before the children were born to today.

I do remember a hell of a lot from the past but I notice a remember very little about DS2s first 18 months abd I honestly think that was sleep deprivation. He didn’t sleep, I would get on average 3 hours a night and I was a walking zombie who cried a lot. So I definitely think stress and sleep play a part in not remembering stuff although I’m assjming you are worried you might be developing a problem such as early onset Alzheimer’s or something?

I am completely the opposite. I remember events down to tiny tiny details.

However faces and names... Well lets just say DP is lucky I recognize him.

Hmmm wow, thanks all, that seems so strange to me! How sad to be a general thing that people just don't remember stuff like that and it's normal.

I'm actually really sad to have no memory of certain things. Kind of glad to hear it's normal though lol

I'm divorced from the father of my children and I've noticed how much memory is based on repetition. So when we were together we'd reminisce about certain events but now I have no-one to reminisce with

Yes this is a big thing - its why its helpful to talk with your children about their day and to reminisce about holidays they have been on, places they have visited, family they have seen etc

I have no idea Sleepfree I suppose I just assumed I had some kind if memory problem, I've always hidden my lack of memories as well as possible because I thought it wasn't normal and was worried about what others would think!

I remember moments but they're not anchored to time very well, so unless there is a big event to link it with, I don't know when it was.

My theory with childhood is that if something was a constant - like your brother being there - you don't really remember it. You mostly remember the things that broke the flow of normality, like holidays or traumatic events.

I was recently asked what my best day ever was and I had no idea, because though I know I've had some great times, I spent those moments living them, not storing them away. I think that's why people say their best day was their wedding or when they had kids as it's an easy and well documented event, but probably we've forgotten many of the impromptu best times. Which is fine - we enjoyed them at the time!

That said, I can see with my two DC that the older one has a rubbish memory - great capacity for storing (useless) gaming knowledge, but clearly junks anything beyond the recent present otherwise. Whereas my younger DC has an astonishingly accurate and detailed memory from when he was very little. So clearly people differ wildly and memory isn't your strength. I believe there are ways to improve some kinds of memory, if it's becoming a real problem.

It's interesting that this is so common. I am the opposite - I remember very trivial things in great detail, as well as major things. I suppose I just assumed that most people were the same.

I'm exactly the same, sometimes I'll be watching a film and only 10 mins from the end I think "oh I've seen this before". Constantly can't find keys/purse etc and don't have a clue when I last had them.
I don't even remember what I did the preceeding days/weeks. My mum will ask me "so did you have fun on Saturday" and I have to ask her why she's asking me that, then she'll reply "you said you and DP were taking DD to X" and I'll think ohhhh that's right haha!
Dp always tells me how bad my memory was. I don't think much of it to be honest, I think it's normal.

I thought it was just me, the not remembering mine or my children's childhoods.

I think it's pretty normal fuzzy, you sound like a busy bee, with a lot going on. Wait until you're older, menopausal, you'll know what brain fog really is ! 😂

I am exactly the same and have started to worry about it. Some things from childhood I remember prompted by photos, but mostly I don't. I don't remember specifics about my sons childhood either, don't remember his first word, when he sat, etc. Many of my memories are prompted by photos actually. Last week I cut my hand, I remember cleaning the wound, putting on the plaster but I absolutely can't remember HOW I cut it - that concerns me. Maybe as you get older there's just not enough memory space left...