Is this a problem or do I just think it is?

[Fuzzymemory]

For as long as I can remember (which apparently isn't that much!) It's been a joke that I'm forgetful, or just don't pay attention, but over the last few years (I'm mid 30's) I've come to realise there are a lot of things I don't remember, as well as being prone to forgetting things "in the moment".

Such as
My children's birthdays - I don't remember what cakes they had, what we did on the day, what I bought them. I feel like I remember my ds's 1st birthday but I know we have a photo of him that day with his cake and candle, I don't remember it "from memory".

I remember some things from my childhood but again I can't tell you what I did on X birthday because I don't remember! Except there was one which was a big deal because we visited a family member as if it was any other day and when we came home it was like, surprise! So that stands out I guess. I remember that I did some things, but not actually doing them.

I remember traumatic or upsetting things (mostly, I believe) but the things inbetween are a blur.

I don't remember my younger sibling from childhood really, like I KNOW he was there but it's as if we never interacted. I remember when he destroyed something of mine or when he explosion vomited but that's it.

I don't remember my children's first words or when my son started walking. I remember when dd started walking because it coincided with a big event.

Often I will be talking with dh and I'll suggest something and he'll say he just said that but to me it's like I'm convinced he didn't (not in any manipulative kind of way)

At work we have "doing a fuzzy" because my office have noticed the pattern of remembering something last minute and rushing/panicking about it.

It's not remembering things about my children that I find most upsetting, I wonder if in 10 yrs time I won't remember what they're doing now, so I take photos of so many things because I'm scared I won't remember them otherwise, like photos are a prompt and I won't remember without them. But on the other hand, some things I could tell you down to the pauses in a sentence what had happened. These do seem to be traumatic/not nice things though rather than general memories.

This isn't normal is it? Does anyone else feel like this? Would a gp look at me like I was nuts if I went in with that? I mean I'm not "ill" I guess, I just wish I could remember better but I'll never get back what I've already lost.

This is an interesting article on a woman with no episodic memory.

www.wired.com/2016/04/susie-mckinnon-autobiographical-memory-sdam/

I have a good semantic memory - I know lots of random trivia - but my episodic memory is pretty rubbish. I also have no imagination, in that I can't picture things in my minds eye. (I have the idea of them, but I can't "see" them.) I do wonder if the two are connected.

I'm not brill. Frequently forget where car is park, often go upstairs and forget why I'm there. I forget always when I last had sex and the details which does offend DH who remembers everything 😂

Would a gp look at me like I was nuts if I went in with that? I mean I'm not "ill" I guess, I just wish I could remember better but I'll never get back what I've already lost.

If you're genuinely concerned, you may want to have a discussion with your GP about the signs and symptoms of early-onset Alzheimer's which can affect people in their 30s. At least it will put your mind at rest that you've nothing to worry about beyond too much going on in your life!

DH has little memory of childhood. It was very stable and routine, so not many distinguishing features and emotional events to have left an impression.

I moved house/area when I was in y2 so that's a strong watershed on before/ after. My life had more variation to it. I remember the fluffy puppies in the barn when we got the dog when I was 3 and there were no photos of that so it is genuine. With time the clarity of the memories is fading, but I can refocus on them. Recall is important to retaining memories, that's what a lot of revision techniques focus on.

I think there's a mixture of inate and environmental factors. DS1 & 2 seem to have my longer term memory. They often spintaneously recall random things. We recently went for a particular walk for the first time this year, probably in about 8 or 9 months... the 5yo piped up "are we getting sweeties afterwards like last time?" The 7 yo has clear memories of being 3 from things he recalls; he often jogs my memory.

Alas my short term working memory is a PITA. I find it hard getting out of the house due to trivial things like I'll remember that my glasses are on the mantlepiece... I'll put them in my pocket so I don't forget them then 10 minutes later I'm hunting all over forgetting that I have them on me already I remember things like birthdays but struggle with the process of buying a card, writing it and posting it on an appropriate timeline. Planning things is mentally demanding. It's got worse since having DCs as they create more mental jumble of short term things to deal with. It's like I'm mentally long sighted where as DH is mentally short sighted and has clearer focus on things that are temporally closer be it recall or planning.

Gosh this is so interesting really, the number of people saying this is their normal versus the few opposite views.

I did read once that the brain subconsciously stores things it deems important, but I think my kids' milestones were important, clearly my brain doesn't!!

I was really worried there was a problem but it seems it's just life! Which is nice but a bit sad at the same time

Last week DS reminded me that I'd driven my car to a local venue due to delivering a bulky/ heavy load that was impractical to walk with. He stopped me walking home in time 😂

Tinkobell oh I quite often forget why I've gone into a room, sometimes more than once, but that's a real thing did you know? Something about going through a doorway or going into a different environment which can sometimes just erase what you were thinking about previously.

My sister will show me photos of holidays we went on, I have absolutely no memory of them :( I used to really worry until my daughter - who always had problems in school - was finally diagnosed with a SLD connected to memory, and I realised it was the same thing as I had - and my father. My mother used to rant that he 'could remember anything that was important to him' but that isn't it really. I can remember things that have struck me on an emotional level, but not ordinary everyday things. It's as if I'm on automatic pilot most of the time, occasionally checking in to make sure everything is running smoothly, then checking out again :(

I can't read manuals because by the time I get to the end of a paragraph I can't remember what was said at the start. If I try to force it I start to feel slightly sick. I've accepted how I am now - I think of it as having a good hard drive, but not enough RAM.

Even my other daughter, who is quite academic, has memory problems. I think it's just something that has to be accepted and worked around, I use my phone for reminders about everything.

Write yourself notes constantly, it's the only way.

I found many of the DC's "firsts" fairly undistinctive because they gradually evolved rather than being a definitive FIRST moment. Particularly things like first words.

Both of their first steps do stick because they did it in style away from home... DS1, after many months of frustration just took 16 steps across the room at toddler group and immediately mastered walking. DS2 took his at the swimming pool where he gleefully took his first steps in order to fling himself into the pool! If it had been a gradually progression of one or two wobbled and a fall at home, there wouldn't have been the triggers of environment and emotional response.

MiL seems to have filled her memory long before she got to DH in birth order. She's a very practical, in the here and now type person anyway. She seems to have more memories of the older 3, but less of the younger 2.

The trouble is that children's milestones are something we feel we "should" remember socially, but memory doesn't function like that.

I have a very good aural memory - can remember conversations and song lyrics in great detail and for a long time - no physical memory at all e.g. Have to drive a route many, many times to know it. But perhaps that's just bad sense of direction? My memory for dates is generally good.
Someone was telling me yesterday that she needed a copy of her marriage certificate in order to get married,again (she's divorced), but couldn't remember which church, which year or which date so was having trouble getting it! I mean, as she said, ahs divorced so hadn't needed to remember the date in a while but I was still . Can't understand that. But i am also the sentimental types who keeps things like orders of service/invites to baptisms and weddings so if I'd been at her wedding I would've been able to help her out! I was just so surprised that she couldn't date it even to the , surely there must have been some paperwork to use as a memory aid!

*the year

Chanelprincess yes I was genuinely concerned but am less so now. I thought I was the only one and everyone else just remembered things easily!

Juells I use post its for work, sooooo many! I tried using a diary or calendar but I forget to look at them or actually put things in them so it's useless. Much better with random bits of post it notes, surprisingly.

UrgentScurryfunge I know what you mean, like you don't notice dc have gotten taller until they need new bottoms or someone who hasn't seen them in a while comments on it, because they're just there.

Cornflakegirl that's an interesting article you linked to - I know I definitely have more memory than that lady but I understand what she means about knowing something happened and assuming you would feel a certain way but not actually feeling or reliving how you did feel.

I think someone mentioned stress/lack of sleep too and that seems pretty spot on. I do remember both dc births, but not quite what happened immediately before and definitely nothing immediately after. They were born, I presume I changed nappies and fed them but don't remember doing it.

Memory is such a strange thing.

Tothappy I always remember my wedding year because I know the year we moved out of our hell hole flat, and we'd married the year before that! I reference that any time I need to remember. You would think it would be something you'd always remember though wouldn't you? I do often forget the date though and can't remember what day of the week it was, even though I've looked it up a dozen times. I just know it was the end of the month and not a weekend so I go back through a calendar to find the likely date....

I can't remember either of DCs "firsts" (which is why I'm bemused at people who are so upset at MIL having "stolen" a first). I can't even remember which DC did which teenage job. I have got a good memory for numbers, and for anything I can weave into my network of existing knowledge (to the extent I've been accused of having a "photographic memory" - which I certainly do not). Day to day I manage by making lists (and lists reminding me what I need to make lists of).

My memory is completely random it seems. I can't remember what time my children were born, when they got their first tooth or when they started walking (other than the second one was 21 months old but I don't remember the event). Birthday cakes - I remember my eldest 1st cake because i had it made but all the others have disappeared from my mind!
I do however remember the names of people who I was in primary school with and haven't seen for 25 years, my first mobile number 15 years ago and the registration number of my first car.

Not to make you feel bad underground but it’s known that people suffering illnesses such as dementia tend to retain their long term memory but lose the ability to retain day to day short term stuff. I assume it’s because these long term memories are stored elsewhere in the brain 🤔

It sounds like three different types of things to me:

1. Not being able to remember things that happened in the past like memories of childhood milestones. I don't think that is so unusual really. I can understand you might feel a bit sad if you don't have a clear memory of something like that but taking photos as you are doing sounds like a great idea.

1. Forgetting about things you should be buying / doing and having to put it right in a panic. Could you help yourself here by being more organized in making reminders for yourself, keeping notes, checking every day what is on your "must do" list so that things do not get forgotten like that.

1. Forgetting something your DH has just told you. Sorry but I would find that one really annoying if I was your DH! Are you sure that is a memory thing and not just that you don't pay attention to what he is saying. From his point of view that must be what it seems like.

Hi @Fuzzymemory I am EXACTLY the same as you! It got me worried especially as my best friend remembers literally everything! My parents and friends remember my life better than me. And like you said, it is a little sad. I just wondered how you were getting on now?

Memory is a strange thing. My OH remembers the name of all his primary school teachers, his telephone number when he was a kid, his first car registration, but he won't remember what he ate last night!

I have no such vivid memory of my past. I can't remember the name of any of my teachers, not even at college or Uni. I can't remember even the names of many of my friends. I will however remember very well what my OH was wearing on our first date, even our second. I'll remember details of conversations I had many years ago, I'm the one who remembers everyone's birthday in my work team.

We're all wired a bit differently!

People's ability to recall events are varied. I thought I had a bad memory, but remember more than some on here. Compared to my husband I have a pretty poor memory. He remembers in great detail with names and numbers included.

People certainly don't have perfect recall of their childhood. It's usually like a series of random snapshots. Funny how I remember the things I wish I could forget. I suppose that's because we go over in our minds again and again the embarrassing and painful events in our lives. They seem to "stick" more.

I remember very little specific details from over 10 years ago. Pictures help to jog my memory of course. I do wonder sometimes when watching crime dramas when they question someone about something that happened years ago and the person describes it in great detail. I’d never be able to recall someone’s face from a single meeting or exactly what they said from probably even a year ago let alone a decade.

Weirdly I remember the food I ate on certain occasions really well, even from 40 plus years ago . I do like eating though.

Major zombie thread!!!!

Ahhh.

ZOMBIE

I have this. To the point where I worry I took too many drugs at uni snd wrecked my brain! But I suspect it’s just the overwhelming mental load most women are carrying around from the moment they wake up to the moment they go to sleep, doesn’t allow us the luxury of being able to easily remember things we don’t need to, or that aren’t on our list somewhere. That’s how I’m reconciling it with myself anyway!!