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Original poster

to be annoyed at these comments?

56 replies

DrowningEveryDay · 10/05/2018 23:52

I met a friend after many years and I was telling him about my husband's plan for the future.

Conversation went like this:

Me: So we're planning to use this XX visa option to move to the XX.

Friend: But you need a job for that right?

Me: Yes. Well apparently the XX visa does not get a lot of applicants so it's easy since only a quarter or less of the limit gets filled.

Friend: Yes, but he needs to be hired for that right?

Me: So I met up with a penpal from childhood who's now living here and she was so weird in person.

Friend: Because she thinks she has a successful husband.

Me: But my husband is also successful.

I did not notice the tone until I was home.

Was my friend throwing shade at my husband?

OP posts:
Original poster
DrowningEveryDay · 11/05/2018 00:45

Are you insecure as he is out if work at the moment?

No, my husband has a very good job. This is a plan for the future, mostly the move will benefit my career actually.

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ThisIsTheFirstStep · 11/05/2018 00:46

Confident people don't tend to think that much about what other people think.

Maybe you put too much stock in your husband's job and prospects and define yourself by it?

A job's a job. No-one really cares if your husband is a binman or a banker. They're too busy thinking about themselves.

Original poster
DrowningEveryDay · 11/05/2018 00:46

Is it a country visa or a credit visa? Sounds like country?

Sorry I do not understand what's a credit visa. But the visa is issued to people with our citizenship, so I guess country?

Anyway, the ----- was because it was not a continuous conversation.

OP posts:
Original poster
DrowningEveryDay · 11/05/2018 00:47

Confident people don't tend to think that much about what other people think.

I meant I am confident about his prospects.

OP posts:
Shrodingerslion · 11/05/2018 00:47

No, my husband has a very good job. This is a plan for the future, mostly the move will benefit my career actually.

I don't know then. Is your friend often negative about other stuff?
They probably were just being informative.

Original poster
DrowningEveryDay · 11/05/2018 00:47

Maybe you put too much stock in your husband's job and prospects and define yourself by it?

Maybe you're right and I hope this is just the case, and not what I am thinking.

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ThisIsTheFirstStep · 11/05/2018 00:48

But why does your friend's opinion of your husband's prospects matter?

Asides from my two best friends, I don't even know what my other friends' husbands too. Something boring in an office, probably.

Why does this matter to you?

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 11/05/2018 00:48

do not too

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 11/05/2018 00:49

...so what is it that you're thinking????

Original poster
DrowningEveryDay · 11/05/2018 00:51

I don't know then. Is your friend often negative about other stuff?

Yeah, actually he's a negative, bitter guy.

Something else I remembered, I was telling him about my plan for my own career which is a big part of why we want to move, and he said that maybe in the future what I am planning for my career will be a reality but right now he does not think it's feasible as he does not think jobs like that exist.

This is weird because unless someone lives under a rock, then he'd know jobs like what I describe exist.

But then this friend is also very traditional, with traditional view about almost everything.

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SleepingStandingUp · 11/05/2018 00:51

You're friends comments about your penpal are not about your husband because not everything is.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 11/05/2018 00:51

It doesn't sound like you like your friend very much.

Original poster
DrowningEveryDay · 11/05/2018 00:52

...so what is it that you're thinking????

That he was throwing shade at my husband? It was in my OP.

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Original poster
DrowningEveryDay · 11/05/2018 00:54

You're friends comments about your penpal are not about your husband because not everything is.

I know that not everything is about my husband. I'm confused because his mind automatically went to him thinking my penfriend was weird because she has a successful husband. My answer that my husband is also successful meant that can't be the case since I also have a successful husband so it can't possibly be the reason she was weird.

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ThisIsTheFirstStep · 11/05/2018 00:54

Who cares if he was having a go at your husband though? I mean, people are jealous, bitter, sarcastic and imperfect. That's human nature. If I thought my friend was being a dick about my husband, I'd just remove myself from their company.

Yes, it was in your OP, but your train of thought is quite hard to follow.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/05/2018 00:55

*ThisIsTheFirstStep
It doesn't sound like you like your friend very much.

^^this

SleepingStandingUp · 11/05/2018 00:55

Perhaps he thinks your weird too

Original poster
DrowningEveryDay · 11/05/2018 00:57

Who cares if he was having a go at your husband though?

You are right.

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steff13 · 11/05/2018 00:58

I don't think your penpal was being weird, it seemed like she was just asking questions about the Visa.

I don't understand why your other friend thought your penpal was being weird because she thinks her husband is successful.

Original poster
DrowningEveryDay · 11/05/2018 00:58

It doesn't sound like you like your friend very much.

Basically we became friends when we were young. Life happened that made him a negative person.

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Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 11/05/2018 01:03

“Something else I remembered, I was telling him about my plan for my own career which is a big part of why we want to move, and he said that maybe in the future what I am planning for my career will be a reality but right now he does not think it's feasible as he does not think jobs like that exist.“

Maybe he is trying to tell you that you politely that you are living in a fantasy world? I can make no sense of your posts, this is too weird...

Original poster
DrowningEveryDay · 11/05/2018 01:09

Maybe he is trying to tell you that you politely that you are living in a fantasy world? I can make no sense of your posts, this is too weird...

That was what he was telling me, yes, but my point is, it's not a fantasy because jobs like I described to him exist.

I'm baffled because he should really be informed about it, especially because of his field.

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SleepingStandingUp · 11/05/2018 01:14

Why didn't you just ask him this stuff.

Me: So I met up with a penpal from childhood who's now living here and she was so weird in person.
Friend: Because she thinks she has a successful husband
"What do you mean,?"

What dogs he say after you pronounced your husband as more successful?

and he said that maybe in the future what I am planning for my career will be a reality but right now he does not think it's feasible as he does not think jobs like that exist.“
"What do you mean? I was too be a dolphin psychologist, surely you have met some through your job?"

What did you say when he pronounced your dream job as made up,?

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 11/05/2018 01:20

“That was what he was telling me, yes, but my point is, it's not a fantasy because jobs like I described to him exist. “

Are you Donald Trump speaking to us from the past?? :P

Original poster
DrowningEveryDay · 11/05/2018 01:20

What did you say when he pronounced your dream job as made up,?

Told him that I am sure that these jobs exist and he should know because of his background. I then started talking to him about my field but he seemed bored but he said I should go to the website of the org he works for, and search for the topic and that's supposedly a proof that he's interested in it.

Why didn't you just ask him this stuff.

I should have yes. But these things did not occur to me when we were talking. Just after the meeting.

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