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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

We should ask our babies consent to change their nappies from birth

75 replies

MrsGjee · 10/05/2018 18:07

www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/im-going-change-your-nappy-12511101
Okay I'm probably what most MNers would consider a snowflake but this is about 10 steps over the line of ridiculous!
It's not even a question, this woman is being unreasonable.
Just thought I'd share so as others can experience the shock/disbelief I am rn!

OP posts:
ikeepaforkinmypurse · 10/05/2018 21:54

I find it so disturbing to talk about sexuality and consent when discussing a baby's nappy.

Some people have bad issues, it's unbelievably sad to be that twisted.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 10/05/2018 21:55

sweeney I would have given him a baby wipe, said, "wipe your face, please", then finished the job myself. I still do that with DS 6, except he gets the baby wipe himself.

Sara107 · 10/05/2018 21:59

I think at baby massage it's common to tell the baby what you're going to do / ask for their permission. I also encountered this at baby swimming. Tbh I think approaching your baby respectfully as a person who has their own feelings is right - they are not just animated toys. The right to do whatever we want with children regardless of their feelings is quite deeply entrenched in our culture (not just the sexual abuse scandals which have come to light, but the sending of young children to boarding school, the expatriation of young children to Australia, Canada etc, etc there was very much a culture of adults doing whatever they wanted to children). Of course this can be taken to ridiculous lengths! My German friend told me of German nurseries where nappies are only changed with consent - even to the extent of having steps up to the changing table so the child can climb up unaided and lie down if they choose to get their nappy done.

Ohmydayslove · 10/05/2018 22:01

corey

I think most mumsnetters and the vast majority of parents can tell the difference between a real expert and a quack but I sgree with you.

We saw that recently in Liverpool. Wierdos and those with agendas leeching on grieving parents.

Idiots trying to storm a children’s hospital and spitting at staff.

Awful

Kokeshi123 · 10/05/2018 22:04

The pink hair.

Always the pink hair.

Does she have kids of her own?

Ohmydayslove · 10/05/2018 22:05

Sara

Talking to your child wasn’t invented by baby massage classes. It’s been around for centuries. Shock

Most parents have never treated their children as toys but as small people who need care and nurture and needs. That’s not always what the child appreciates because they don’t understand.

Your German nursery sounds insane

takeittakeit · 10/05/2018 22:09

my DC says no to every medical test the poor bugger has to have - he still ahs them, they are the reason they are alive!

AnnieAnoniMouser · 10/05/2018 22:10

It’s not a new concept. This utter bollocks was around 20 years ago. I laughed then & I laugh now. Permission? Jog on.

Ohmydayslove · 10/05/2018 22:12

takeittakeit

That must be very hard for you Flowers

Kokeshi123 · 10/05/2018 22:12

There's a whole school of parenting loon-ery devoted to this.

Someone on my FB is always posting stuff by Janet Lansbury who goes on about RIE/Magda Gerber. It's very similar.

The most entertaining bit is when the RIE fans clash with other hippy parents--because some of the things advocated as part of hippy parenting ("babywearing," "elimination communication") are looked on with suspicion by the RIE people. I love a good crunchy punch-up.

www.janetlansbury.com/2010/03/babywearing-id-rather-go-naked-than-wear-baby/

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 10/05/2018 22:12

ven to the extent of having steps up to the changing table so the child can climb up unaided and lie down if they choose to get their nappy done.

so when they are ready to be potty-trained, but how would it work before that?

Utterly bonkers, and messing up the real concept of "consent".

GlomOfNit · 10/05/2018 22:15

Yup. I've come across this madness before. Ignore, they're crazers.

In a slightly/not quite similar vein, I've heard it said that, in the interests of teaching young children about consent, we should also ask permission before kissing them. Well sod that. Toddlers are made to be kissed by their parents. And also at any other age until they are shrinking from you and going 'eurghh MUM!' Grin

Kokeshi123 · 10/05/2018 22:16

www.vanityfair.com/style/2014/02/rie-parenting-trend-hollywood

Bouncers are discouraged on the principle that they are disrespectful to a baby’s true emotions, as the object is to make him zone out and stop annoying you. RIE is philosophically opposed to anything that disrespects a baby, including not only sippy cups and high chairs but also baby gyms, baby carriers like Björns, baby swaddles, and baby walkers, which Gerber, who had quite a way with words, called “a moving prison.”

What else is prohibited? How about toys? “Children don’t need toys,” says Solomon. “Almost all of the toys at RIE can be found in somebody’s cupboard.” No rattles either. According to Gerber, “Rattles are an adult idea: you pick up something, and it makes noise. Why does it make noise? Because some adult put something into something.” No mobiles. “Mobiles are intrusive—the infant has no choice. Who chose the mobile? An adult.” No pacifiers. “The pacifier is a plug,” Gerber once wrote. “It does stop a child from crying, but the question is, Does an infant have a right to cry?”

HappyLollipop · 10/05/2018 22:29

Had this at baby massage classes I attended with my then 8 week old about how important it is to ask for their permission before starting the massage and thanking them once it's over Hmm it's a bunch of nonsense really

Ohmydayslove · 10/05/2018 22:38

Oh Kokeshi

Brilliantly funny Smile why do some people make parenting harder than it is. Or mystical. Hilarious.

Had my grandson today! Rugby tacked him twice to change his nappy. Took toy off him as he was trying to break the window with it and we had words wen he didn’t want to leave the swimming pool. He also wanted to play in the road so had reins on.

He’s 2.,. I love him to the end of the earth but I am the adult and he does as he’s told. That involves much communication Grin

c75kp0r · 10/05/2018 22:49

My brother and wife are into hippy dippy style of parenting (though I think even he wouldn't go this far). But if she wants to go out in January in a t-shirt, they explain that she will be very cold, but if she wants to... On the one hand I think it has made the poor chid grow up early as it is up to her to make sensible choices. I also seriously suspect they were dead lucky to have a placid intelligent child who could cope with that style of parenting. She is quite assertive though - probably because no-one has ever said outright 'no' to her. Might get interesting when she goes to school.

magnetiq · 10/05/2018 22:51

This was in the baby whisperer book, wasn't it? Not a new idea. I'm still waiting for mine to consent....

IceBearRocks · 10/05/2018 23:54

I've a 8 year old disabled child in nappies and I do inform him of what I'm about to do... Sunshine, mum's gonna change your pad now!!!!...... Sunshine you are stinky.. momma's gonna change your bum!!!! But similar he's peg fed and I inform.... Sunshine it's time for meddie meds, lunch time, momma's going to give you your milk.
I've no idea what she it started and he does moan if I change his him but otherwise he'd be sat in shit ....and not bothered!

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 11/05/2018 05:46

Our local children's centre has one of those changing tables. The manager and I assumed it was to save parents' backs, as 3yos can get up by themselves.

Spikeyball · 11/05/2018 06:16

I have a much older child who wears pads. It isn't possible to change him unless he consents because he is too big to physically made to do it so sometimes I have to wait it out. I also have to hope he doesn't change his mind mid change.

littlebillie · 11/05/2018 06:26

I think she should be researching nappy rashes as they can be very serious. 🙄

ImogenTubbs · 11/05/2018 06:45

Yes, I think there are other ways you can teach your child that their consent matters! We are very strong on this with DD - always make it clear that she is not obligated to kiss or hug anyone and that if wants us to stop tickling her to say "no" clearly and we will stop.

That said, I have insisted on putting sudocrem on her bum when it's sore and she's resisted because otherwise she will get worse, or giving her a shower after the beach and she's covered in sand.

Children need trust and confidence that their carer is in charge and can provide boundaries and structure for them. They are not equipped to do this from a young age and giving them too much personal freedom too early is too much of a burden for them. They just don't have the capacity to cope with it.

Soubriquet · 11/05/2018 06:46

Very obviously isn't a parent

They have never had to pin down a screaming toddler who does not want a pooey nappy changed.

Trust me kid, your arse stinks. I don't want to do it either but there we go! I have to.

Same about medicines and bath time....and just about everything that you HAVE to do which a child doesn't

Tartsamazeballs · 11/05/2018 07:05

I say please and thank you to my toddler when changing her and explain why we can't keep our stinky nappy thats sagging round her knees on. "Lie down please so mummy can change your bum, I don't want you to get sore" And "let's put some cream on so you don't get a rash" sort of thing. Asking actual permission and giving her the opportunity to refuse is a fools game though!

Lilyhatesjaz · 11/05/2018 07:49

Slightly off topic but I found that when my LOs were toddlers they were often more cooperative if I changed them standing up

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