To ask, if your Grandparents or their grandparents lived in poverty, do you feel that affected you?

[AjasLipstick]

I do.

One set of my grandparents came from very, very poor backgrounds.

Granddad was born in 1910 in a workhouse and my Gran was born in Liverpool to a docker and a cleaner and both lived in extreme poverty and led hard lives.

My Gran told me terrible stories of growing up in Liverpool...born also in 1910, she lived through some shocking family tragedies and illnesses...

They thankfully improved their lives once married as my Granddad got a good job and they had a nice council house for years. To them, this house would have been wonderful I'm sure as it was semi-rural but not completely impossible to visit Liverpool and their relatives.

I grew up on a council estate near to theirs...a nice one with a good family ...we were not "poor" but managed fine...I was well dressed and fed and we had a holiday every year....but I still fear poverty and have a seemingly inbuilt mistrust of institutions.

I feel very uncomfortable in any council type buildings, hospitals, large educational facilities...and certain architecture makes me feel anxious.

My worst nightmare would be homelessness or no support from family.

Is this what they call "generational trauma" or just a vivid imagination?

AuntyJackie, that's interesting. My father always read The Times tolo and in my diary from when The Times was suspended during the strike I wrote how upset he was he wrote to me how when he was younger (his father left school at 12 - my grandfather in NE England) he used to see in that newspaper so much - I suppose things like arts columns, politics, economics and even job ads. - the window on to the wider world. He had us read the Times to him too as teenagers - he drove us to school before he went to work, every day until we were 18.i still have a paper copy delivered in part through maintaining that family tradition. It was the window on to the wider world in a way.

My grandma's dad was a millionaire who gambled and drank it all away when he returned from the war. She went from living in a huge house with staff to living in a 2 roomed flat with her 9 siblings and alcoholic father. And my dad's dad was thrown out of home at 15 when his father remarried and so was essentially homeless for quite a while (he stayed with friends and family so never had to sleep on the street but was certainly in poverty). They both found religion as a salvation and my parents were therefore both brought up in a very restricted environment. They left once they got married so it didn't impact me directly in a negative way - in fact it was a good thing as we have a very close extended family and my parents were so determined not to be like their own that they navigated my teenage years really well, so I was given the freedom I wanted and therefore never went off the rails.

The only hangover is a crippling fear of any debt - I've never not paid off my credit card in full each month, never had an overdraft (even as a student), never got a loan or borrowed money from anyone, never bought anything without being able to pay for it up front etc etc. My whole family is the same. Even my wedding was paid off in full up front. The only debt I have is a mortgage. It drives my husband mad as it means we have to save up for everything rather than sticking it on a 0% credit card or taking finance (cars etc) but I'm glad I'm that way as it's meant I've never really had any financial problems.

Also my grandparents' getting themselves out of poverty was mostly due to the luck of having good transferable skills, connections made through the church and a very frugal lifestyle (when everything is banned for being "worldly" you can't spend much money!). My parents' had comfortable childhoods as did I. Though my mum's brother who is a lot older remembers living in poverty when my grandad was still a fisherman.

My whole family grew up in poverty. Grandfather 1 of 16. Other grandfather an alcoholic. 1 grandmother worked 3 jobs to provide for her 7 children. However she did work so hard in later life that was able to save save save and buy her own council house. She died young (60s) due to working in bad conditions. Alternatively her alcoholic husband lived to 80s - unfair huh!
My parents both left school early teens and I grew up in a 2 up 2 down council house. However I never really new I was poor or my family struggled. Everyone around was in same situation. It was in later years that I found out they borrowed every Christmas and birthday and lived constantly in debt so we could have toys/clothes.
It made me want out of that cycle. I worked hard, got myself that better life and doing really well. All the women in my family have been hard workers, they have just never had the opportunity to make money from their work.

However opposite to you, I feel at home going back to council estates etc. I feel out of place like I don't belong with those who come from rich families. Although one of my good friends does have links with royal family (don't want to say to much as it will be outing), who would have guessed that coming from my background.

My parents were very poor and I grew up in poverty. I still have a distrust of authority and a miserly attitude towards money even though I'm no longer poor. Imo it will affect my DC as those attitudes will be obvious. DH on the other hand grew up in a middle class family with plenty of food,clothes, holidays, etc. He has no qualms about spending money and doesn't appear to have my inherent distrust of authority. So I'm not sure how DC will turn out with those two conflicting attitudes being modelled by parents?

One thing I have noticed is that I happily eat "peasant" food such as liver, winkles, bread and dripping, corned beef, panackelty, etc. DH never ate that sort of thing as a child and thinks it's disgusting. I presume DC will eat them as I'm likely to feed them those things?