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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To stop chasing this and let the bailiffs come for ex

59 replies

theduchessstill · 10/05/2018 06:04

We've been divorced year, apart for 4. A couple of months ago I accidentally opened a letter for him and it was a parking fine from the council. I passed it straight to him but didn't make the link that his car must be registered to my home, despite his having got that car after he moved out.

A but later another letter came and the fine had gone up. Again I passed it on and texted him asking him to sort the fine and contact the DVLA. Of course he ignored the text and did nothing.

A few days ago another letter came so I opened it knowing it would be about this. It said the debt had been passed to bailiffs, or whatever they're now called and goods could be taken within 10 days. I passed it to him but know he will do absolutely nothing about it. I have been ringing the number on the letter, but it always rings out. I've emailed the address on it telling them he doesn't live here but received no reply. I've also written to the dvla, but I imagine the 10 days will be up pretty soon.

I'm sick of spending so much time trying to sort out his fucking mess again and again. AIBU to stop trying to contact them and just let the bailiffs come? I'm sure I can explain when they're here and they will just go away? I'm out most of the time anyway. The only problem is there're a couple of hours a week when ds (11) is here alone. He's under instructions not to open the door, but I don't know how persistent they'd be. They're not allowed to deal with children are they, but I don't know exactly what would happen.

So sick of ex and his irresponsible shit.

OP posts:

userabcname · 10/05/2018 06:12

I would stop opening the letters and return to sender on all correspondence. Up to him to sort out telling people his new address. Not sure how it works with bailiffs but do you know your ex's new address? If so, e-mail them that.

TyrionsNextWife · 10/05/2018 06:17

Do not allow them in your home!! If your address is on a court judgement then they can lift goods from your house to pay the debt and it would be down to you to prove that ex doesn’t live there (harder then it sounds).

TheKitchenWitch · 10/05/2018 06:19

Why are you still opening the post? I agree with KatnissK - return to sender unopened, then the onus is on them to find his new address rather than assuming he's receiving his mail (which he is thanks to you).

Original poster

theduchessstill · 10/05/2018 06:21

How hard could it be though? I've got my divorce papers and bills etc all just in my name. His place is a 5 minute drive away. What proof would I require? I suppose this is affecting my credit rating too .

OP posts:

TERFragetteCity · 10/05/2018 06:22

Send them nis new address.

Original poster

theduchessstill · 10/05/2018 06:24

Shit - this is going to make me look dodgy, but I promise I'm not. I forget that there was another letter about this that I did return to sender, but subsequent letters still came. I know opening the post is silly, but I get anxious about what might be happening as this has happened before, but last time I managed to speak to someone who noted my call and advised me to return all post to sender. That was a different company. I'm stuck now because the last letter said no further letters will be sent.

OP posts:

43percentburnt · 10/05/2018 06:25

Write return to sender on the envelope and write on the front of the envelope he moved out on x date, he now lives at his x street, town, postcode.

user1493413286 · 10/05/2018 06:27

Don’t open any more letters and return them. I’d have a chat with CAB about what to do if the bailiffs do come.

Longtalljosie · 10/05/2018 06:27

Returning to sender probably isn’t enough. I had a problem years ago with a couple both taking out loans of tens of thousands of pounds, giving my address. I called the bailiff agency and also the firm of lawyers. Don’t wait for them to show up!

emz1990 · 10/05/2018 06:28

Letters from parking people will still come. I have had some from a previous tenant that I do not know. It also ended with a letter saying bailiffs were coming (still not shown up yet). I got hold of parking ticket people and they said when the bailiffs show up, don't let them in but show proof that the other person no longer lives here, once you do that the company can then search for the persons new address. However until they come round they see your address as the persons address and need to confirm it's not. HTH

Snugglywithmycat17 · 10/05/2018 06:28

On a different note, why is your child there on his own? 11 still seems too young to me?

Smeddum · 10/05/2018 06:29

Have all your paperwork ready to prove you live there and he doesn’t. And give them his new address.

Inertia · 10/05/2018 06:29

Give the bailiffs his new address.

OldHag1 · 10/05/2018 06:29

When we moved into our house bailiffs came for the previous occupant. I explained this and showed them my bank card as proof. They went away and I heard nothing more.

They can’t take your belongings because any court correspondence is in his name.

I would answer the door but I wouldn’t let them in the house. They can’t deal with children and will probably tell your son to contact an adult if none is present when they call.

What a bstd.

Flowerpotbicycle · 10/05/2018 06:34

@Snugglywithmycat17 completely missing the point of the thread
And no 11 isn’t too young to be left alone for a few hours... he’s either in year 6 or secondary school at that age.

Flowerpotbicycle · 10/05/2018 06:39

They can’t take your belongings because any court correspondence is in his name
Unfortunately this isn’t true, then can take it and you’d have to try and prove it’s yours. I had an issue where a company I worked for had unpaid utility bills and bailiffs were going from office to office removing computers etc and tried to take the laptop from one of field reps. It was her laptop as part of her contact (deducted from her wage like a company car) so technically owned by her, in her name, but she physically had to hold onto it to stop them taking it. They weren’t interested in seeing paperwork she had that proved it belonged to her. They expected to take whatever they wanted, provide an inventory and then it was down to the employees to prove and reclaim what was theirs!
Just do no let them in

flowermug2 · 10/05/2018 06:40

They can’t take your belongings because any court correspondence is in his name.

If they think he lives there and you cannot prove he doesn't then yes they can take your stuff. Usually you have to provide receipts of your stuff to prove it is really yours and not the indebted person's - no proof of purchase and owner, it can be taken as belonging to the debtor.

This won't happen if you let them know he has moved out and give them the new address. This happens when your address is named on the order the bailiffs receive. Post being sent to your address is not a good sign tbh.

flowermug2 · 10/05/2018 06:42

I would be screwed if this happened to me as nearly everything of value is second hand or no receipt

Tiddler7 · 10/05/2018 06:43

Do not open the door.

There is a program Can't pay, we'll take it away. Once you've opened the door, they can and will get in, and than it's up to you to prove that tv is yours (receipt), computer, laptop, phone and so on. If you don't have a proof that you paid for those things, they can take them

RadiantResults · 10/05/2018 06:48

You need to write to DVLA and inform them he's moved on. There's a specialist team that can help you. Call them and they will put you through.
Any future correspondence return unopened to wherever it came from. Why pass it on? You're not his secretary!

TheFrendo · 10/05/2018 06:49

Don't open his mail.

Tell him you will not pass on anymore mail then mark all mail 'unknown' or 'return to sender' and re-post.

12PurpleSnails · 10/05/2018 06:50

We had this with one rented house we moved into. We had loads of letters that we returned to the sender for weeks, but they still kept coming so eventually we started to open them to see if we could contact the senders directly and they all turned out to be debt collection things. We rang up so many and told them they didn't live at our house anymore. It took ages and multiple phone calls to the same companies but eventually they did stop arriving and thankfully we didn't have any bailiffs turn up. If there is a number on one of the letters I would give them a call if I was you.

MapleLeafRag · 10/05/2018 07:09

I agree that you need to tell the DVLA as soon as possible.

Rachie1973 · 10/05/2018 07:11

Snugglywithmycat17
On a different note, why is your child there on his own? 11 still seems too young to me?

Don't be a twat. 11 is secondary school age, many kids spend time alone at home by now.

sashh · 10/05/2018 07:12

Write a letter to the bailiffs saying there is a child in the house and they are not allowed to collect, they have to send the debt back to the originator, include your ex's address and details.

Print it out and put in an envelope and blue tack it to the front door.

If a bailiff turns up the letter is handed to them via a window or the letter box.

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