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AIBU?

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Original poster

playdate - how do i tell the truth here?

48 replies

eddielizzard · 09/05/2018 20:10

my dd (7) has been asked on a playdate. great! but she says this girl pinches her cheeks really hard and doesn't stop when she tells her not to. this girl has done other things that my dd won't tell me about but has told my other dd (her sister). i know she doesn't like this girl but has accepted an invitation to her party in a few weeks. she definitely doesn't want to go on the playdate. still wants to go to party tho not to do with cake.

the parent has given me the choice of what day is convenient to me so i can't just say we're busy.

shall i just tell them the truth? their kid is being mean to mine so she doesn't want to hang out? how the fuck do i say it nicely without making things awkward?

or shall i just make some crap excuse like we don't do playdates...

ugh help!

OP posts:
ConfessionsOfTeenageDramaQueen · 09/05/2018 20:17

My DC is a baby so haven't had to deal with this yet but while you/your DD is perfectly right to turn down a playdate because of this girl's behaviour towards her, it's not right to then turn up to her birthday party. So either do the playdate + bday party or neither.

Could you maybe have one playdate and do it at your place where you can supervise or your other DD can keep an eye on things and intervene if necessary (if she's a bit older)?

RandomMess · 09/05/2018 20:19

"Sorry DD isn't wanting to play at yours, I'll ask her again in a month"

HollyBollyBooBoo · 09/05/2018 20:21

"Thanks for the invitation. I'm Really sorry but the girls don't seem to be getting along very well at the moment. Maybe when they're on better terms."

pinkhorse · 09/05/2018 20:39

I think it's wrong to refuse a play date and go to the party. Dd either goes to none or both

Booboobooboo84 · 09/05/2018 20:43

I think it’s fine to say things are a bit strained for dd right now so she isn’t going on play dates but your hoping some space will help them resolve matters. I’d also explain why it may be that her Mum can talk to her and put a stop to the cheek squeezing etc.

Original poster
eddielizzard · 09/05/2018 20:50

she's happy to go to the party because her other friends will be there and she feels protected.

i think either way i'm screwed. if i say no playdate and now she's not coming to the party either that's a double blow.

if i say no playdate but party please! that's quite shit too.

catch22

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 09/05/2018 20:52

I agree with saying that things have been a bit strained between the girls lately, and you're hoping the birthday party with all the friends there will help settle things down a bit. And then you'll see how it's going.

PoohBearsHole · 09/05/2018 20:53

Perhaps your friend's mother is aware of the issues and is trying to get them together to sort it?

bastardkitty · 09/05/2018 20:53

How about saying 'we'll have to leave it for now. It's not a good time'. Nice and vague.

ladygracie · 09/05/2018 20:53

Can you have the play date at your house so you can keep a close eye on things?

Aprilmightbemynewname · 09/05/2018 20:55

Can you have the playdate at your house and keep them in sight the whole time. Intervene if necessary.
Once the madam sees your dd has backup she may change her tune.

enpointeredshoes · 09/05/2018 20:59

Why don't you just tell DF's mum what the problem is? Confused I think she would want to know, I know I would. Seems a bit odd to skirt around the issue. If her mum doesn't know how can she help or stop her DD's behaviour?

fleshmarketclose · 09/05/2018 21:02

"Sorry we have a lot on at home at the moment. Can we make arrangements when it's a bit more convenient?"

LellyMcKelly · 09/05/2018 21:03

Invite the girl over for a play date instead - say it’s your turn or something, then you can invite a few other friends as well. That way you can keep an eye on things and diffuse any difficult situations.

strayducks18 · 09/05/2018 21:04

Have you spoken to school? I'm assuming that this is when the cheek pinching is happening? Wouldn't it be better to just address the issue now rather than avoiding invitations? (well not all invitations Wink )

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 09/05/2018 21:08

Am I the only one who would just tell the mum the truth? I don't see why you're tying yourself in knots about it, it's not shameful.

Berthatydfil · 09/05/2018 21:09

Don’t agree it’s no play date no party. What about children who go to ft childcare or other activities do can’t do them are they to be condemned to never go to a party ?

Just think up some excuses

Oh gosh sorry we have such a lot going on at the moment I’ll have to get back to you

Oh dear dd (name) has been finding after school play dates a bit much so I’ve cut down /stopped them for a while.

Agree white lie with dd in advance - oh gosh sorry but we have stopped play dates due to (excuse /possible minor issue/ etc) so I’ll have to say no.

And so on

However if this child is upsetting yours then go into school and raise it. They will have strategies / circle time kind hands etc and can keep them apart until things improve.

MismatchedPJs · 09/05/2018 21:10

What bastardkitty said.

I did get deftly managed by one parent with "thanks, bit busy now but let me get back to you with some dates." I knew that would be the last I heard from her Smile

YourHandInMyHand · 09/05/2018 21:12

Could you suggest something on neutral ground with both parents? Perhaps phrase it as your DD is a little shy about going to other peoples houses at the moment but maybe we could meet up together with the girls at X place. That way you can observe the two of them together too and keep an eye, without any awkward "my dd doesn't want to be alone with your kid" conversations.

LittleGreySheep · 09/05/2018 21:20

I'd like to be told if my child was the cheek pincher so I could deal with it. Depends how you think she would take it? If she's one of those "my perfect child could do no wrong" sorts then its best to just make an excuse.

Aeroflotgirl · 09/05/2018 21:22

I am afraid either play date and party or no play date and party. I would do no play date and party. As you can't refuse play date then go to her party, it's not right. Just say I am sorry the girls aren't getting along right now, mabey in a couple of months see his they are.

Juells · 09/05/2018 21:24

@Booboobooboo84

I think it’s fine to say things are a bit strained for dd right now so she isn’t going on play dates but your hoping some space will help them resolve matters.

Oooh, that's good!

When I was about that age I went on a play date and the other girl terrified me. Picked up a hinged piece of an old deckchair and told me how she could put it round my neck and squeeze the two ends together and kill me. 😬 It's horrible to be at the mercy of another child with mothers smiling fondly in the kitchen at their little darlings having fun...

diddl · 09/05/2018 21:26

But if she doesn't like the girl then of course she shouldn't go.

It's to celebrate with the birthday girl, not a playdate with others!

NoSquirrels · 09/05/2018 21:27

Can’t you just say, truthfully:

This is a bit awkward, but DD has said she doesn’t want to go on a play date at the moment because she says [your DD] has been squeezing her and when it hurts she won’t stop so she’s worried about being at your house. Should we maybe try a play at our house for them and you can come for a cuppa too, then we can both see if it’s anything or nothing?

PrettyLovely · 09/05/2018 21:30

When you say the little girl has done other things to your dd but she wont tell you but she has told her sister do you actually know what the things are?

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