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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask neighbours to turn their t.v down 4-8 pm so DD can revise?

76 replies

Sibsmum · 09/05/2018 19:43

Hi there, first time poster, please be gentle with me.

Back story, we have lived in our house for almost 6 years. Couple next door are elderly and hard of hearing, both wear hearing aids.

T.v and music are usually really loud - crazy bonkers loud over our own telly- to the point where we know exactly what they're listening to/ watching.

But, we are not silent either, and as it is generally off by 9pm we don't make a fuss. Lady has asked a few times previously if the noise is too much and they will use their headphones.

Dd is revising for GCSE exams and is finding the telly noise very distracting. All our bedrooms and our through lounge/diner have a wall in common with neighbours, so moving her makes no difference.

It has been especially loud music this weekend , which possibly means Mr is home alone. Learned over the years that He tends to listen to music rather than telly, and won't use headphones unless wife tells him to.
He is grumpy and shouty and once had me in tears over a washing line ( another post) .

I am quite prepared to have the conversation. I am asking for turn down 4-8 on weekdays for a few weeks while the exams are on, but don't want to be difficult or unreasonable.

Please share your thoughts with me and any 'how to word my reader's ideas welcome too.

OP posts:
Sara107 · 09/05/2018 20:21

If they've previously offered to use headphones then I think it's ok to ask - do it politely and there is no reason that they should get offended
as the noise is something they are already conscious of.

Mogleflop · 09/05/2018 20:21

Ear plugs with ear defenders are perhaps the best combination for noise reduction if you can't afford good noise cancelling headphones.

EspressoPatronum · 09/05/2018 20:22

To be honest I was answering on the basis that op seemed not to be that bothered by the noise in general, otherwise she or her dp could have said something before now?

If it's really bad op get in touch with the council and ask them to assess the noise levels. I'm not sure how it works but there must be something that can be done!

BadTasteFlump · 09/05/2018 20:23

Exams aside, if you can hear their tv over yours, it's too loud.

Wait until their tv is blaring, then go round and politely ask them to turn it down. You could offer for them to come round to yours so they can hear how loud it sounds through the wall (although they must be dim to not realise it's too loud anyway).

If they get snotty speak to your local council's Environmental Health dept - there are laws to protect you against noisy neighbours.

KingIrving · 09/05/2018 20:25

Well, if the lady asked if the noise was too high, why not go with a nice cake and ask if for just this certain amount of time they could use the headphones they say they have. Say you are very sorry to have to ask but would really appreciate.

You can try, be super nice and polite, maybe go with your daughter

Juells · 09/05/2018 20:28

@queenofsass

Oh you are funny!!
Your DD should wear noise cancelling headphones.The world does not revolve around her GCSEs!

Wow, what an unnecessarily nasty post. The noise is coming from next door. I wouldn't be able to tolerate that on a daily basis, I think the OP is a saint. It's not unreasonable to ask them to keep the noise down while a child is doing exams.

CalF123 · 09/05/2018 20:28

God, that would drive me up the wall. I'm a big believer that everyday domestic noises i.e. washing machines are just part of living beside others, and can't be avoided. But music that loud is completely unacceptable, and you should get it stopped for the sake of your DD, as she certainly shouldn't have to put up with that.

Original poster
Sibsmum · 09/05/2018 20:29

There is the little off shot kitchen and bathroom. Not sadly any good for study. DD went in the garden at the weekend, but too cold and rainy again now.
I think I will ask, but also see if I can find some noise cancelling head phones. It,s a big week next week with 6 papers, then nothing until after the half term and then two weeks with exams. So maybe 3 weeks total?
Maybe second hand websites would have these noise cancelling headphones?

OP posts:
Gagastwin · 09/05/2018 20:30

I would speak to them when she is back because that is not on. If they are that hard of hearing they obviously need to adjust the settings on their hearing aids.
My son has noise cancelling headphones (Autism) and they are amazing, I have used them myself and they are brilliant. We got ours from Amazon.

Rudgie47 · 09/05/2018 20:30

I'd get her the headphones and if its your own house then pay for the soundproofing boards and fit them yourself.
I know how loud pensioners can have the T.V and you have my sympathy.

Petalflowers · 09/05/2018 20:31

Err, don’t the exams start next week? Surely it’s a bit late worrying about noise now. What has she done for the last five years? This issue should have been resolved sooner.

CocoaGin · 09/05/2018 20:34

I'd be honest, and just say that your DD is trying to study for exams and the TV is a bit distracting.

I used to work with the elderly, and would come home some days with a pounding headache from TV noise. It's something that's very hard to try and tune out of and the tinny sound goes right through you. I don't think it is unreasonable to say something, and being honest, if they're both very deaf, your noise isn't going to filter through the walls and into the hearing aids for you to worry about that. A simple check like they have new batteries in them could suffice and could be part of your chat with them.

Original poster
Sibsmum · 09/05/2018 20:36

Yes exams start next week. I think DD's anxiety is building and playing a part in her being more sensitive to the noise levels than usual. That's a good point though.

OP posts:
Meltedicicle · 09/05/2018 20:36

My granny was v hard of hearing and lived in a ground floor flat. She had the telly up really loud and the people upstairs came and asked her to turn it down. She was mortified as she had no idea it was so loud. She did a mixture of headphones and subtitles. I would ask them politely. To be honest, if they are already aware of the problem it’s antisocial and rude of them to keep it so loud. YANBU.

Bearhunter09 · 09/05/2018 20:57

Tbh, if the neighbours tv is in so loud you can’t hear your own they need to turn it down, I think you must be amazingly tolerant. Yes get Boise cancelling headphones but really the neighbours need to sort out noise levels

mousecar · 09/05/2018 21:10

YUNBU to ask them - at all - but might be worth seeing if they know about the subtitles thing on the telly - deafness is horrible, might work out better for everyone. My grandmother was DELIGHTED when she found out she could read the telly.

KERALA1 · 10/05/2018 07:46

Wax ear plugs work very well would try that first

ImNotMeImSomeoneElse · 10/05/2018 07:49

They must have a hell of a size if living room, if it has a wall in common with every suitable room in your house where she could revise.

Original poster
Sibsmum · 10/05/2018 07:55

Their living room/ diner, and mine are next to each other with bedrooms above. Noise travels up as well as sideways, and it is seriously loud. Just as a for instance, next door on their the other side are not attached by walls, but you can hear it in her kitchen, and from outside the house too.

OP posts:
ImNotMeImSomeoneElse · 10/05/2018 08:09

Noise travels up as well as sideways

Thanks for the science lesson Grin

But the further it travels and the more it has to pass through, the quieter it gets...

thecatsthecats · 10/05/2018 08:18

Sometimes we're a bit noisy. Sometimes our neighbours are. I'd say for each of us, we probably interfere with each other's peace and quiet maybe twice a month each way. So about once a week. Never for more than a couple of hours or so.

THAT'S normal. A little bit of give and take. They are too far on the take side, so by all means, go and ask them to tone it down - especially for this, and hopefully they'll do it afterwards.

Ohmydayslove · 10/05/2018 08:23

Op i do sympathise as my parents are very deaf and the tv is high all the time. Thankfully they live detached or they would drive neighbours insane.

Get her those head phones and good luck with the exams

Original poster
Sibsmum · 10/05/2018 09:31

Have been round just now. Armed with cake and charm. Took several knocks ( had to do it loud) and was only answered because lady saw me. Didn't have hearing aid in, she said.
Explained and made my request. He was a bit moany, because he likes all the quiz shows on at that time ( I know because I can watch them with no sound on in my home) but wife pointed out that if he put in his hearing aid he could watch at a quieter level. He said hear out dogs barking a lot......err, we have to got any dogs? Lady seemed embarrassed about him, felt sorry because I think he's maybe unwell in other ways.......
Anyway, the upshot is that they will watch their volumes in the evenings esp i n next few weeks, and have asked me to call again if it's still too loud.

Will still see about those headphones, genius suggestion!
Thank you for your replies and advice everyone. Xx

OP posts:
bellabasset · 10/05/2018 09:43

Opposite problem here, in my early 70's with exceptionally sharp hearing and I can hear my neighbour's TV over mine. But my neighbours have come in and can't hear it. They say my tv is too quiet for them.

I would thank them for their help and say you would appreciate them continuing to keep the TV noise down as you have realised how distracting it is in your house.

IRefuseToAgree · 10/05/2018 09:53

That's sounds promising. Hope it quiet end down for your DD and you.

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