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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend thinks I'm weird for speaking Spanish to DC

81 replies

leftcheekrightcheektiptoe · 09/05/2018 18:17

my two Dc (ages 4 and 7) are already bilingual, they speak English of course and the mother tongue of their grandparents which is Urdu.
They have been learning Spanish in school and I have started my Spanish up again as I started learning a few years ago.
My friend heard me speaking to DC in Spanish (just some basic commands) and she got very annoyed and asked why we were learning Spanish, I told her because I've always loved the language and watch films and listen to songs in Spanish since a young age. (i watch films in many languages with the help of subtitles).
She said it was ridiculous because I have no Spanish ancestry or link to Spain in any way and I should stick to English or Urdu as we have links to the languages and introducing a third language is going to make them seem weird and confuse them.
i tried to laugh it off as I've not seen her react like this before but she was off with me the rest of the time.
Am I a weirdo for wanting my DC to speak a third language?
Admittedly we have no connection to it but it can only benefit them to know another language?

OP posts:
CocoPuffsInGodMode · 09/05/2018 19:59

ikeepaforkinmypurse. So what if they're not bilingual Confused? It's fine if dc only know a handful of words and phrases. They'll be able to use them if visiting a country where that language is spoken. Most people like it when visitors/tourists make a little bit of effort with their language, it can help break the ice and quite likely the children will then pick up more words and phrases. Plus they may well enjoy the language and decide to study it properly. There's nothing wrong with it, I can't believe people can be so sneery about something like this!

TheHonGalahadThreepwood · 09/05/2018 20:00

Obviously you should be careful to avoid teaching DC things that are actually wrong, but you don't need to be fluent in a language in order to help them learn it.

OP is effectively helping her DC with their Spanish homework by encouraging them to practice speaking a little bit with her, just as she might help them with their maths. What is so weird about that? You don't need to be a qualified teacher to assist primary-aged DC with their learning at home, just as long as you remain aware of your limitations and avoid teaching them errors. I'm sure OP's Spanish is up to whatever a 4 and 7 year old are learning. My mother gave us a head start with French, despite not being fluent herself, and it definitely helped. At that level it's all pretty basic.

YouCantGetHereFromThere · 09/05/2018 20:04

yes, I am the one throwing random foreign words in a language I don't speak to my kids in front of people to make us look clever

This is baffling. People speaking a language badly don't do it in an attempt to look clever. The OP is clearly doing it to help her kids pick up some of a language at the ideal age.

Your attribution of the OP's motive says an awful lot more about you than her.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 09/05/2018 20:06

it's not the fact the OP speaks or teaches her kids some Spanish, it's the fact she feels the need to do it in front of her friend. That's performance parenting and highly amusing.

In front of English speakers, I would even find it rude not to speak English to my own kids, most foreigners I know include their guests and use English in front of visiting friends.

YouCantGetHereFromThere · 09/05/2018 20:08

Weird things amuse people Confused

redfairy · 09/05/2018 20:09

'La gente esta muy loca' That's my Spanish exhausted. Good on you for getting your kids familiar with other languages. What a very strange reaction from your 'friend'!

Metoodear · 09/05/2018 20:10

Tbh I always think it’s a bit strange when people don’t

I have a friend who speaks manderin she won’t teach any of her kids says husband would feel left out 🙄

It’s ana amazing cultural gift you can hand down to your kids

NotUmbongoUnchained · 09/05/2018 20:13

I speak in other languages to my kids in front of English people. It’s not performance parenting!

Learning a language with a child is so much fun. My kids speak several languages and one of those languages is one that we’ve learnt together.

Original poster
leftcheekrightcheektiptoe · 09/05/2018 21:48

i speak more Spanish than just the odd words I mentioned but my kids don't so there wouldn't be any point in me saying a whole sentence if you get what I mean. I'm trying to keep in line with what they're already learning at school so that they remember and practice the words and phrases.
I'm sure I don't 'butcher' the language.
Like I said I listen to songs and watch films in the language so I hear slang and sayings and know a bit about the culture too.
I'm also trying to improve my own Spanish at the same time so we are learning together although obviously I'm at a higher level than them. of course my accent needs a lot of work but then I'm not a native speaker so it'll never be exactly the same.
I wasn't excluding my friend by speaking Spanish, she'd actually got up from the table and walked over to order another coffee although she was in earshot and heard me ask my eldest DC something in Spanish and he replied with one word.
Similar to PP whenever I've heard non native speakers speak English or Urdu (like my Greek SIL) I don't despair and think oh god you're butchering the language, I have respect for them for actually trying.

OP posts:
Original poster
leftcheekrightcheektiptoe · 09/05/2018 21:54

I'm also doing it to open up the world to them a bit more, myself and DH love to travel, we cook all types of cuisine and like I said we watch movies in all languages, I feel my world Is bigger because of it and I'd like my DC to experience the same.
My eldest DBILs children don't speak urdu and because of it can't join in certain games and conversations with relatives whose English isn't great, they miss out on a lot. My DH is mixed race and his irish mum and her sisters even understand urdu perfectly so even they can join in with things which makes it even more sad that the DC cant.

OP posts:
wowbutter · 09/05/2018 21:55

I speak basic Spanish and French.
I use random phrases at home to keep my children on their toes. They knew hat they mean, and i use them to see if they respond, if they don't, i tell them what it means in English and they respond.
Learning languages is excellent, you're friend is jealous, stupid, or insane.

Original poster
leftcheekrightcheektiptoe · 09/05/2018 21:57

by the way i couldnt care less if someone thought i was performance parenting, if I see an opportunity to teach my DC something I will whether it's at home or out and about.
The point of my post was simply is it weird for us to speak a language to which we have no 'connection or ancestry'.

OP posts:
Bisquick · 09/05/2018 22:07

Just came on to say that sounds lovely OP. DH and I are on holiday in Spain with our LO and were just talking about whether it might be fun to try and learn Spanish together. We speak 3 south Asian languages between us (but only one in common) and English, so this was part of an extended conversation about what to speak with DD as she grows older, and whether trilingualism was too much to hope for!

DesperateAndDistressed · 09/05/2018 22:10

According to some people here I shouldn't be on mumsnet neither attempt to teach my (future) children English. It is never going to be perfect, but I truly feel I have maxed out without moving to a foreign country. Considering I already have a massive advantage when it comes to research when using my non-native English, I sure will raise any children I have in at least two languages.

Original poster
leftcheekrightcheektiptoe · 09/05/2018 22:16

Thank you Bisquick
I say go for it while the children are young, I don't think it's too much to hope for they will pick the languages up if you and DH speak it regularly.

OP posts:
Peachsnowpop · 09/05/2018 22:27

Estoy aprendiendo Español y hablo español con mis niños todo el tiempo

Original poster
leftcheekrightcheektiptoe · 09/05/2018 22:33

Exactamente como yo!

OP posts:
Original poster
leftcheekrightcheektiptoe · 09/05/2018 22:37

This is where I need practice, I understand written Spanish but it takes me a minute to write a response myself.
Recently in Spain I could have conversations with locals as I understood them but I found myself first replying in English then Spanish Confused.
This is also why I can't wait for my DC to speak more and more so that I can actually have full conversations eventually.

OP posts:
TakeMe2Insanity · 09/05/2018 23:11

Oh god you are totally not abnormal. I do this too. I studied my third language to degree level and can understand a fourth. DH can only speak English and finds learning languages extremely difficult as a result I desperately want DC to have a love of learning languages so we read books in different languages etc.

Recently we were at a music class where there were native spanish speakers and the following week the music teacher began singing a song in the most butchered spanish with all spanish parents looking pained. So long as it is not that go ahead!

BlackeyedSusan · 09/05/2018 23:12

IS..... YOUR...... FRIEND.... THE.....SORT......THAT... SPEAKS..... SLOWLY..... AND..... LOUDLY... IN.... ENGLISH......TO.... FOREIGNERS?

goodness gracious that is hard work to type like that.

good for you. the younger the better, the more langauges the better. DD is leaning french at school and I have been revising school french as I had forgotten it all. we are learning together and learning from native speakers thanks to the internet.

MuddlingMackem · 09/05/2018 23:26

BlackeyedSusan Wed 09-May-18 23:12:51

DD is leaning french at school and I have been revising school french as I had forgotten it all. we are learning together and learning from native speakers thanks to the internet.

I had hoped to revisit my school French and improve when DC1 started Y7, but it turns out he hated it. I'm now hoping to pick it up again with DC2 instead. :)

Gibble1 · 10/05/2018 01:41

I have a cub who’s Mum speaks English, French and Spanish to. She may speak more languages- I’m not entirely sure. Her cub is 8yr2mths old. She also has a toddler who she flicks between languages with. Both children have been brought up that way.
The only feeling any leader in our group has ever had is envy. 1 of the Mum’s ability to speak fluently so many languages but 2 her patience in teaching her children AT LEAST 3 languages when we have all struggled to teach ours 1!
Go for it and speak as many languages as you can muster with your child!

Banana8080 · 10/05/2018 03:51

She's being weird, or perhaps jealous

emmyrose2000 · 10/05/2018 05:52

She said it was ridiculous because I have no Spanish ancestry or link to Spain in any way and I should stick to English or Urdu as we have links to the languages
I'll have to let my DC know that he and his classmates need to stop attending their Japanese classes at school seeing as none of them are Japanese, or have any other ties to the country other than wanting to learn the language. Hmm

Seriously though, your friend doesn't sound very bright with this way of thinking. I think it's wonderful if people can speak more than one language. I'm very grateful for my limited French when I travel to French speaking countries, although maybe I shouldn't have learnt it in the first place seeing as I don't have any French links beyond being a tourists in those countries. (I'm not so sure the natives are all that grateful for my limited French though when I try to use it. Grin )

Orangewater33 · 10/05/2018 05:54

Where I live bilingual is the norm, with the children speaking three, four, five or more languages because of the multi-culturalism.
I just had a conversation yesterday with a woman who spoke three languages to her children about how she had opened up the world to them. So much more opportunity and scope in life.
Just keep at it.