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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say people shouldn't think it's fine to disturb me in the work day just because I'm self-employed?

65 replies

bringincrazyback · 09/05/2018 13:07

More of a rant really, but I'm interested to get views. I'm self-employed and work from home. Already have to deal with multiple interruptions in my day, every day, because my elderly parents live with me and DH and have admitted they 'forget I work', and manage to forget this every single day. Which means I have to feel like the wicked witch of the west every time they ask for something and I remind them that it will need to wait until I'm not working unless it's urgent, and have to see their faces fall every time. (Just for a bit of clarity: neither of them has dementia or anything like that, some physical health and mobility issues which I help them with regardless of the time of day and don't mind doing, but it means that time I've carved out for work really does have to be spent working as I rarely get the opportunity to put in a full day. And I do have an office with a door I can close, but I have to leave it occasionally, to make drinks etc, and this is when I invariably get buttonholed. I am very grateful to have both parents still alive, I count my blessings every day, but I still need to earn a living!)
Also on committee of local theatre group and people there have made it clear they think my work is infinitely flexible and that it's fine to disturb me any time they feel like it with group-related business, or ask me to do things because 'they can't do it, they'll be at work', or physically turn up here during work hours, even if I've said I'm busy, and then expect to hang around talking when I've said I can't stop work. I do try to tactfully 're-educate' people but it falls on deaf ears. I was in a salaried office job for a year, and this all stopped while that was going on, and promptly started again when I went back to freelancing. AIBU to think it's inconsiderate/disrespectful/plain selfish, as well as being somewhat insulting because it implies that they don't think the work I do is real work simply because it's done from home?? Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. LOL

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 09/05/2018 13:09

YANBU. I agree with every single word. Drives me mad

wizzywig · 09/05/2018 13:11

Can you have an 'opened' 'closed' sign on your door like a shop?

Kazzyhoward · 09/05/2018 13:15

Can you have an 'opened' 'closed' sign on your door like a shop?

People ignore those signs if they know/think that you're in somewhere. We used to have a newsagents where we lived above the shop. Despite being "open all hours", people would still bang on the door when we were closed and enjoying some rare "family time" having a meal or just watching TV. And that was a few decades ago, so nothing new and not just the so-called "selfish youngsters".

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 09/05/2018 13:15

I. Hear. You.

Dh has already had to set our neighbour (who is our age and should know better as a lot of his dw's work is done from home) straight after he decided that 'ElderlyLady could do XYZ as she's at home, isn't she?' Angry

Marmablade · 09/05/2018 13:15

My DM used to get pissed off with me if I worked from home on the day she used to look after my DDs. She didn't know why I got her to come over when I could just do it myself.

Errr because I'm working!! She knows how relentless under 3s are!! What work exactly did she think I'd get done?? YANBU.

Furano · 09/05/2018 13:16

Do you have space in the garden for a separate office? A nice, insulated office down the end of the garden with a kettle! That creates a nice physical barrier between your home and work.

Only leave your office to go to the toilet and a lunchtime walk?

Don't answer the door to theatre people who turn up. Or Answer whilst holding the phone to your ear and say "sorry, can't speak to you now - on a work call byeeeeee"

Or take a desk in a co-working space?

OllyBJolly · 09/05/2018 13:16

I hear you!

I earn more than anyone else in the family* yet everyone expects me to be the one to drop everything for hospital appointments, emergency childcare, airport runs etc. It's as if I don't have a "real" job. It's very real to me and I do have actual deadlines to make and clients to please.

  • not a boast just making the point that it's not a hobby!
rememberthetime · 09/05/2018 13:17

set up your office with a small fridge, kettle, microwave and toaster and don't leave it between 9 and 5.

I am also self employed and work from home. I relish the flexibility and work weird hours in and around my daughter's needs, coffee breaks, meeting friends, shopping trips and messing about.

I wouldn't want to work regular hours every day - but I do understand the frustration.

bringincrazyback · 09/05/2018 13:19

I could, wizzywig (have considered it in the past), but as people tend to issue these demands for my time over the phone/by text and ride roughshod over my objections with 'But it'll only take a minute...', I'm not sure how much good it would do! wry laugh I so often seem to end up being manoeuvred in the position of having to issue a flat-out 'sorry, no, I'm busy' because people ignore my objections, and then feel bad when they act like whipped puppies over my refusal, when IMHO they should have known better than to put me in that position to start with, IYKWIM? (Sorry, I realise I sound v self-pitying! Just frustrated.)

OP posts:
Takeoutyourhen · 09/05/2018 13:23

It's because some people don't believe that working from home self-employment is a real job.
Or perhaps they have difficulty understanding your line or work.
You have my sympathies OP.

Storminateapot · 09/05/2018 13:25

God yes! My mother has no respect for it at all. She'll turn up here uninvited & plonk herself down for tea & a chat all afternoon, completely deaf to me saying I'm working. Or phones mithering to go out for lunch or afternoon tea with her. I do see her at other times (my work is sort of seasonal where I do get time off which I spend with her).

Friends do it too - if it's their day off they'll want me to go out for lunch. Other family will want me to pop out & get their kids from school etc.

Nobody seems to see home work as work. Even my flipping husband doesn't - I overheard him telling someone I didn't work recently! He's happy enough for my income from 'not working' to go into the pot though. My not working has just paid for new bathrooms...

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 09/05/2018 13:26

If you can't ignore requests when you are at home working - I totally would, could you rent a small meeting room 2 or 3 times a month and work there with your laptop.
Your local theater group should not be able to make a difference between you working (from home) and you working (in an office), there is not. You might give them the wrong impression if they think you are available.

I never bother answering the door when I am working from home, even if it's obvious I am home with my car outside, windows open and the dogs in the garden.

You really need to learn to say either "no", (No, I can't, I am working, no more explanation needed) or to your family: of course I can help you, at 7pm tonight or Saturday.

TemptressofWaikiki · 09/05/2018 13:29

I work from home but luckily without any additional relatives living with us. Phones have caller display and I won’t answer unless it is a scheduled business call. Ditto for the front door. I installed a camera and I simply do not open and have developed a very thick skin, I honestly don’t feel pressured even if people can see that I am in. I have privacy film but one can see my silhouette if pressed right up (someone did that!). Nowadays, I will not take parcels or sign for anything for assorted couriers anymore, after more and more neighbours thought to take advantage. It’s really become totally second nature. The only ones allowed into my office during working hours are my dogs and even they don’t disturb me but just snooze next to me Grin

applesisapple5 · 09/05/2018 13:31

Can you try inventing a new client/project who is 'really really demanding' and this might allow you to reset the boundaries for your family and theatre group?

Cherrypieface123 · 09/05/2018 13:33

You need to get tougher, OP. It’s literally a choice between their needs and your livelihood.

Xenia · 09/05/2018 13:34

I certainly remember the toddler twins aged about 3 knocking very heavily on my locked home office door and my being on a business call. I have found just locking the door and ignoring the home landline works quite well. i do answer the door as most of the deliveries relate to my work anyway.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/05/2018 13:34

people tend to issue these demands for my time over the phone/by text and ride roughshod over my objections with 'But it'll only take a minute...'

As someone who also worked from home I totally understand; it's always "could you just ...?" and I'm sorry, but the whipped puppy faces are just downright selfish on their part

Onto practicalities, if you have caller display could you ignore texts and calls from those you don't want hassling you, then ignore the door if they call round? And would it make any difference with your parents if you said very firmly at the start of every single day that you absolutely can't deal with any interruptions?

PositivelyPERF · 09/05/2018 13:34

Put a wipe board up in your kitchen and write your times of work on it, as a reminder to your parents and a notice on your front door, stating that you will not be available to speak to any visitors due to work commitments.

Get a kettle, flask of cold milk, snacks, etc for your work area and even take on a packed lunch when you are particularly busy. If you have a quieter day, you could tell your parents that you’ll be making lunch that day and you’d love them to join you on your 1/2 hour break.

I’ve taken to locking my gate and putting a polite notice up, as I was fed up with local clients calling in for a chat or to book their dogs in. Just because I take care of dogs, people think it’s not work. How the fuck they think I pay my bills, I’ve no idea!

PositivelyPERF · 09/05/2018 13:36

overheard him telling someone I didn't work recently bollocks to that! I hope you put him straight, in front of the person.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/05/2018 13:41

Another thought: could you start telling everyone how desperately worried you are about the financial impact of having to rent an office ... you don't want to do it, but you're hand's being forced by all the interruptions and you can't sleep at night because you're so worried what it's all going to cost?

It's a bit mean, I know, but passive aggressiveness can work both ways Wink

AlmaCogansFrockFan · 09/05/2018 13:41

Would it help to get a second phone line just for the business (my DH had one when he went self-employed). That could solve a certain amount of interruption as you could let calls on house phone go to messaging - or if you got really fed up unplug it during worktime. Don't know what to suggest about the parents though, but DH had similar misunderstanding about self-employment from one of his sisters who made inane comments such as how lovely to be self employed you can take a day off whenever you like (as if !)

steppemum · 09/05/2018 13:42

Set up your phone so that it goes to message and the message says - thanks for phoneing, I'll get to my messgaes after 5 when i've finished work, please leave a message.

Then ignore the phone and all texts. If people repeat text, repeat ignore.
Then at lunchtime/after work, reply, just as if you were eg a teacher in the classroom and unable to answer phone.

If people ask you - can you pick up xx on Friday morning, the answer is, no I am working then, how about after 5?

repeat ad infinitum.

dh and I both work from home, and he is much stricter than me, but, yes, it is frustrating

pigmcpigface · 09/05/2018 13:45

Would your budget stretch to an outside office? There are quite a lot of coworking spaces now, where you can hire a desk for a very reasonable amount a month, and be around other people. It may solve both of your problems here!

Otherwise, I think you need to sit your parents down and explain, very clearly, that you are AT WORK 9-5 and that, while you are of course available in the event of an emergency, you really need some undisturbed time.

The theatre stuff - just don't answer the phone or messages until after hours.

People will take a while to adjust (and may huff during that time) but they will get used to the new routine.

AdoraBell · 09/05/2018 13:45

I was going to say ignore the calls/texts while you are working. When anyone whinges about that say - I was working. And repeat that like a broken record.

I like the idea of an office at the end of the garden.

NordicNobody · 09/05/2018 13:47

Do you know what, I'm terrible for this. Dp works from home (he doesnt have to, his office is a 20 min walk away, he just prefers it) and I'm a SAHM. I find it so hard not to pop my head around the door to offer him coffee or blow him a kiss. Our son is 18 months and is always desperate to see daddy and will sometimes sit outside the office door and cry until I take him in for a quick cuddle. Nothing else will distract him once he wants to see daddy. I'm sure it must be do annoying and I often have a word with myself over it, but I also think if it bothered him that much he could just go to the office to work...