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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find this a bit creepy? (social media related)

77 replies

changeroorooroo · 09/05/2018 10:34

NC for this because...well, I'm paranoid and probably being U!

This is quite a small AIBU but it's something I'm wondering about...

I recently worked out how to use the 'story' function on Instagram - bit late to the party admittedly!

I hardly ever post them but I also recently figured out if you click on your own story you can see who has watched it. I noticed my ex (I can't call him' exdp' due to the extreme shittiness of the things he's done!) had viewed my story. We broke up 2 and a 1/2 years ago and he lives with his new gf. We don't talk.

Not that weird but I didn't even realise he was on IG, let alone followed me so out of idle curiosity I clicked on his page. He has about 40 followers, follows 0 people and has never posted anything or had a profile pic.

I only realised this morning that if he doesn't follow me he must have actually gone looking for my profile rather than just scrolling through, and since they dissappear after 24 hours and he's viewed at least three of them, could that actually mean he's searching me every day?? I've only just become aware of this feature so hopefully I'm wrong!

I feel a bit weirded out, especially since he has massive form for creepy internet behaviour (amoung many other things, he used to save his ex-flings and some of my friends facebook holiday snaps (in bikinis) for his 'personal enjoyment' BOAK).

If this turns into him looking at every story I put up, I'm bloody tempted to just put some text in my stories saying 'I can see what you're doing you know!'. Since he doesn't post on IG I'm pretty sure he doesn't realise I know he's looking. Of course I won't actually do that because that does come with the downside of making me look a total nutcase.

Fully prepared to be told I'm being U and childish!!

OP posts:
Original poster
changeroorooroo · 09/05/2018 14:17

banana he doesn't follow anyone though, let alone me.

OP posts:
ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 09/05/2018 14:18

Have you made it private now OP?

Original poster
changeroorooroo · 09/05/2018 14:22

No, I don't want to make it private really because it's really useful for connecting with people who have the same slightly niche hobbies as me.

I'm mulling over what to do but I think just out of curiosity I'm going to leave it for a couple of weeks and post a few stories and see if it was a coincidence. If the same things happens I'll block him (already restricted list on FB).

I know that it seem like a weird thing to do but I'm too interested to see if he's still being a much of a shady fuck as I thought he was when we were together.

OP posts:
ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 09/05/2018 14:26

Oh yawn. You are a drama llama. Enjoy.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 09/05/2018 14:28

people date creepy fuckers and then complain when creepy fucker acts like a creepy fucker when it was entirely within your power to prevent him creeping on you. Tune in! Use your brain.

Original poster
changeroorooroo · 09/05/2018 14:31

people date creepy fuckers and then complain when creepy fucker acts like a creepy fucker when it was entirely within your power to prevent him creeping on you

Hang on, how is this my fault? Confused

OP posts:
RadiantResults · 09/05/2018 14:38

It's not your fault but you can stop it happening again thereby preventing yourself from being so terribly freaked out.

Maybe you're not as bothered as you claimed?

Auntyirene · 09/05/2018 14:38

@therockinggazelle I'm no sm expert, but I think in your case the issue is that as you have hash tagged key phrases Instagram is then using them in its algorithms to recommend you to other accounts using the same hash tags as you should in theory find each other interesting. Instagrammers who are using the site to build a profile, say as a health and fitness expert, or to sell mlm etc will just add anyone who is recommended in the hope you'll follow back (and if you do you'll probably find they will unfollowed within the week).

My account is private but I sometimes comment/like accounts related to a hobby of mine. I usually receive a flurry of follow invites shortly afterwards. sometimes they are accounts i'm interested in.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 09/05/2018 14:40

It’s not your fault. But you have two options to prevent him creeping on you, you can block him, or make your account private. You’ve chosen to do neither. Instead preferring to play silly games to catch him out and presumably have something else to moan about. Just block him and move on. You’re an adult.

Original poster
changeroorooroo · 09/05/2018 14:42

Are you in a really bad mood today or something ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo? I take your point but your tone is really unnecessarily arsey.

OP posts:
ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 09/05/2018 14:46
Grin

Fully prepared to be told I'm being U and childish!!

From your OP^ I guess not really true.

You have options here OP. You can be a grown up or you can play games for a bit of drama. It’s up to you.

Original poster
changeroorooroo · 09/05/2018 14:50

I haven't chosen to do neither anyway, I'm just stalling. Lots of posters said they thought it could be just random curiosity not daily creeping and since I don't know how an IG account with no followers works I'm curious to find out if he's been nosey or a full blown loon before I block him.

OP posts:
adaline · 09/05/2018 14:52

If you don't want him stalking your social media, block him or make your page private.

It's not your fault he's a creep, but in your position, I wouldn't be making my social media profiles public for anyone to see!

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 09/05/2018 14:53

Why do you care whether he is nosey or a loon? Do you need him looking at your page? You said you were creeps out, scared and he has form for taking photos off exes fb pages. I can’t fathom why you would want him to have access to your account.

therockinggazelle · 09/05/2018 15:06

Auntyirene that makes a lot of sense thank you!

waitingfordinner · 09/05/2018 15:08

I wouldn't like this at all - had creepy ex's myself.
Block his account. He wont know, you'll just disappear.
Consider making your account private - then you have control over your posts.

Original poster
changeroorooroo · 09/05/2018 15:13

Why do you care whether he is nosey or a loon?

Honestly...? Alright, but don't take the piss because it's still a bit raw, even if it is irrational.

I think it's because we broke up after I found out some horrible stuff he'd done (he'd done a lot of stuff but this was a biggy). Even after I found out he would continually lie and/or insist he was normal and not doing anything wrong. He was a bit cleverer than me and was really good at making me doubt myself when I challenged the fucked up things he did and while I knew he was in the wrong he'd often manage to somehow talk me into believing him and I'd think I was imagining things. The one remaining itch I have about that relationship is wondering that so much other messed up stuff that he did that I didn't know about. I guess in some small way this one small thing is empirical proof that he's a werido and I'm not (as I thought I might be in my OP) being unreasonable/paranoid. He did so many things when we were together where I'd think 'but maybe there's another explanation' and I just want to bloody know in this case, I suppose. Lay into that if you want but I think that's what it is.

OP posts:
ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 09/05/2018 15:24

You’re just dragging out his impact over you. Seriously, block him, heal, move on. You’re poking an old wound. It will never heal as long as you do that.

RadiantResults · 09/05/2018 15:35

Zibbidoo is totally right.

I wouldn't want a bloke who screenshots pics of my friends as wank fodder knowing anything about me. You either like drama or lack boundaries.

Block the tosser and move on with your life.

UserV · 09/05/2018 15:53

There is no reason on earth for you to not set your profile to 'private.' If people want to connect with you and your 'niche' and 'quirky' hobbies and interests, they can send a 'follower' request.

I am inclined to agree with the people saying you must be secretly enjoying the drama! 🙄

lhastingsmua · 09/05/2018 17:47

The order that people are shown under your Instagram story views is ranked from highest views to lowest views - not any other order. So someone who rewatched your story 10 times would be at the top, and listed higher than someone who watched your story once.

As far as having an account that doesn’t follow anyone, the only images they have on their timeline are their own. Their explore page won’t show them random accounts of people they might know, it will just be full of trending photos relating to the content you view eg if you’re into makeup you’ll get popular photos of makeup products and looks etc. You’ll only appear on his explore page if he is spending a significant amount of time on your profile - then when you post a new pic/story it might end up on his explore page.

You can test this both yourself by making a test instagram surely.

The only way he’s ‘stumbling’ across your account is purposely.

Original poster
changeroorooroo · 10/05/2018 22:56

Update in case anyone is interested...

I uploaded two more stories today and yesterday and he'd viewed them both within three hours. Even though he doesn't follow me.

Am creeped out. Blocked and privates on Instagram and FB. If your account is private and those sites that duplicate all your Instagram posted still get at them?

I almost want to call him out on it. Angry

OP posts:
WhiskeyStone · 10/05/2018 22:57

You need to make your profile private.

Original poster
changeroorooroo · 10/05/2018 23:00

See above ^

Was supposed to say "privated". I know that's not all a word but it does the job.

OP posts:
Original poster
changeroorooroo · 11/05/2018 20:32

DP has offered to block him also. This is so weird.

OP posts: