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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to find this a bit creepy? (social media related)

77 replies

changeroorooroo · 09/05/2018 10:34

NC for this because...well, I'm paranoid and probably being U!

This is quite a small AIBU but it's something I'm wondering about...

I recently worked out how to use the 'story' function on Instagram - bit late to the party admittedly!

I hardly ever post them but I also recently figured out if you click on your own story you can see who has watched it. I noticed my ex (I can't call him' exdp' due to the extreme shittiness of the things he's done!) had viewed my story. We broke up 2 and a 1/2 years ago and he lives with his new gf. We don't talk.

Not that weird but I didn't even realise he was on IG, let alone followed me so out of idle curiosity I clicked on his page. He has about 40 followers, follows 0 people and has never posted anything or had a profile pic.

I only realised this morning that if he doesn't follow me he must have actually gone looking for my profile rather than just scrolling through, and since they dissappear after 24 hours and he's viewed at least three of them, could that actually mean he's searching me every day?? I've only just become aware of this feature so hopefully I'm wrong!

I feel a bit weirded out, especially since he has massive form for creepy internet behaviour (amoung many other things, he used to save his ex-flings and some of my friends facebook holiday snaps (in bikinis) for his 'personal enjoyment' BOAK).

If this turns into him looking at every story I put up, I'm bloody tempted to just put some text in my stories saying 'I can see what you're doing you know!'. Since he doesn't post on IG I'm pretty sure he doesn't realise I know he's looking. Of course I won't actually do that because that does come with the downside of making me look a total nutcase.

Fully prepared to be told I'm being U and childish!!

OP posts:
lhastingsmua · 09/05/2018 12:32

Your understanding of Instagram stories is correct. He could even be screenshotting your posts and you wouldn’t know...

Yes your profile may have come up on his instagram from Facebook’s data, but also if he has your mobile number or email address.

I would block him, but unfortunately he can easily make a new account to stalk you so it’s probably easier being on private. Is he abusive or is he harmless? Eg is he creepy in an harassing/stalking way or do you think he’s generally harmless and just being nosy?

I think everyone on social media has this - when people you don’t like/don’t like you are constantly on your page, it’s almost like fan behaviour

therockinggazelle · 09/05/2018 12:33

While you Insta experts are there can I ask a question? My profile is private, but often when I post something I get a load of friend requests straight after. Say if I post something with a hashtag relaying to health and fitness I'll get personal trainers trying to follow me. I thought my posts were private though....

Original poster
changeroorooroo · 09/05/2018 12:35

He could even be screenshotting your posts and you wouldn’t know...

Oh vom.

Honestly you wouldn't believe how much creepy behaviour I found out this man was guilty of! Sad

OP posts:
lhastingsmua · 09/05/2018 12:37

^No it doesn’t really recommend a page after viewing it once, unless the account is popular on instagram

EG if I stumbled upon a co workers average instagram page and watched their story, instagram wouldn’t show them on my explore page UNLESS I spent a significant amount of time on their profile/rewatching their story.

However if I was on a popular bloggers page with a lot of social media influence once, instagram would probably bring them up on my explore page.

So I think he probably has been viewing your page frequently. He would have to view your page frequently for you to show on his explore page anyway, not just once. (Unless you have a lot of instagram influence)

Btw when you click who views you story, the accounts listed at the very top are the ones who viewed your story the most. It is listed in the order of views, so if he’s at the top of your list then he’s been constantly rewatching your stories

DiegoMadonna · 09/05/2018 12:38

therockinggazelle are you sure your account is private? Do those same accounts like the picture, or just send friend requests? Instagram says:

"If your account is set to private and you add a hashtag to your post, the post won't appear publicly on the corresponding hashtag page. Only your approved followers will be able to see your posts on hashtag pages or in Instagram Direct messages."

lhastingsmua · 09/05/2018 12:40

Also as he doesn’t follow you, it’s pretty clear that he keeps checking back on your profile. Please do block him.

PamsterWheel · 09/05/2018 12:43

WTF?? People can tell.if you've watched their stories??? Oh!

therockinggazelle · 09/05/2018 12:45

Diego yes it's definitely set to private and no strangers like my pics. Weird.

lhastingsmua · 09/05/2018 12:47

PamsterWheel yes lol it’s just like Snapchat, instagram has shown who has viewed your story and the frequency of their story views since the feature was released. Instagram posters can also see who votes on their polls, tapped left or right (rewatch and skip a story), clicked a link/account handle etc.

lhastingsmua · 09/05/2018 12:49

Sorry for all the posts, but OP if you do go on private be wary of any spam accounts that request to follow you (new accounts, little to no posts/followers, just seems a bit fake etc) as it may be him trying to stalk!

Original poster
changeroorooroo · 09/05/2018 13:10

Btw when you click who views you story, the accounts listed at the very top are the ones who viewed your story the most. It is listed in the order of views, so if he’s at the top of your list then he’s been constantly rewatching your stories

Is that definitely true?? He is 4th out of 25.

OP posts:
Original poster
changeroorooroo · 09/05/2018 13:11

I thought it was the order they were watched in.

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 09/05/2018 13:43

I had this with my ex on FB the first I knew of it his sister messaged me,I ignored the message and then a few days later she messaged me to say she wouldn't have known that I was on FB,her Brother(my fuckface ex)had told her(we have no one in common,we'd split up years before and he lives over 300 miles from where I live)because he'd been looking for me.

Freaked me the fuck out because I had an injunction against him and hadn't heard anything from him or his family for 8 years.I ignored the message again so she messaged me again telling me about what had been happening with they're family ect(I didn't want to know)so in the end I had to block her,I also found him and blocked him and his family.

It frightened me and I felt quite violated(I know FB is public but I honestly never expected him to be stalking me online after all those years)it really pissed my DH off and he was very protective of me(he knew what my ex and his family had put me through)and said any more issues and we'd speak to the Police.

So far the blocking them all and locking my FB account down as much as I can has worked.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 09/05/2018 13:46

I feel a bit weirded out, especially since he has massive form for creepy internet behaviour (amoung many other things, he used to save his ex-flings and some of my friends facebook holiday snaps (in bikinis) for his 'personal enjoyment' BOAK).

And yet your first action when joining Instagram wasn’t to make your account private? Why on earth not?

MsMarvel · 09/05/2018 13:47

I haf this recently with dp's ex, I tested how often she was searching me by posting on my story frequently, and she was looking at it at least once a day. I posted a pic on my story saying , 'thanks for checking, im doing fine 👍' with another comment saying how watched lists can be interesting, and she hasnt looked since.

If he knew you could see do you think he would stop?

Booboobooboo84 · 09/05/2018 13:48

I favour posting this on my Instagram stories. And then when I see they’ve seen it. I block them so they are under no doubts I mean them lol

AIBU to find this a bit creepy? (social media related)
Original poster
changeroorooroo · 09/05/2018 13:50

I haf this recently with dp's ex, I tested how often she was searching me by posting on my story frequently, and she was looking at it at least once a day. I posted a pic on my story saying , 'thanks for checking, im doing fine 👍'

Hehehe I bet she was mortified.

OP posts:
Original poster
changeroorooroo · 09/05/2018 13:51

And yet your first action when joining Instagram wasn’t to make your account private? Why on earth not?

I suppose we we so thoroughly nasty to one another at the end I couldn't imagine him ever wanting to look at anything I did. Apparently I was wrong!

OP posts:
notagoodname · 09/05/2018 13:53

if you follow similar people/similar followers then your story could have come up on the ‘explore’ page.. where stories just play one after the other ..... I know I’ve accidentally viewed stories I have no interest in from people I went to school with years ago and haven’t spoken to since, maybe they thought I was creeping on theirs 😳

Mousefunky · 09/05/2018 13:55

Make your account private and block him.

I have spied on exes many times out of sheer curiosity but I know not to view their stories!

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 09/05/2018 13:56

He has massive form for creepy internet behaviour including saving photos from his other exes Facebook accounts. But you thought he wouldn’t go near your account? Just make it private and forget about him.

thetriangleisarealinstrument · 09/05/2018 13:58

you can block him if you want but its not behaviour outside of the realms of normality. I mean you dont know how often he uses instagram in general. He might be spending a couple of hours a day on it or something looking at loads of stuff... is he just a generally nosey person? Loads of people look at their exes on social media just out of curiosity with no intention of ever contacting them in any way.
I look at loads of random people sometimes, people I went to school with ten years ago, cousins I barely know... just when they pop into my head and I think 'I wonder what they are up to?'
So I wouldnt mind this too much tbh..... I only mind if people start trying to communicate with me or start commenting on things etc

If it bothers you you are well within your rights to just block him tho. You dont HAVE to put up with anyone looking at you if you dont want that person looking at you.

Original poster
changeroorooroo · 09/05/2018 14:05

Freaked me the fuck out because I had an injunction against him and hadn't heard anything from him or his family for 8 years

Dear god, what a loon!

OP posts:
DiegoMadonna · 09/05/2018 14:06

It's amazing how many people don't understand social media (either that or can't read the OP's posts). He is looking at her page regularly, not just when she randomly appears on his explore section or when he innocently thinks "Oh I wonder what she's up to?".

Added to the fact that "he used to save his ex-flings and some of my friends facebook holiday snaps (in bikinis) for his 'personal enjoyment'"

Why are people making excuses for this guy? Confused

bananaberyl · 09/05/2018 14:12

I haven't read all the comments, so apologies if this has been said already... when I watch a story on instagram, it automatically goes to the next one when one finishes. Sometimes I cringe that xyz will see I've seen their story when really I was watching the story of the person before them on my list of stories, if that makes sense? I don't know how to stop it doing that.

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