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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To phone the police ?

40 replies

Vodkakisses · 08/05/2018 21:11

Sorry didn’t know where to post , trying not to be to outing over the weekend a man had a dispute with his girlfriend which resulted in her running into my house which he followed and smashed my house up he was clearly off his face I was terrified and hid when someone sent the police , this man is known to me he’s dangerous and violent the next day he knocked on the door promised to pay for the damage and off he went , the police did a follow up check and I said I didn’t want to make a complaint. Now said man has decided that I am a grass and won’t pay , sorry for the rambling I just don’t know what to do and really need some advice .

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 08/05/2018 21:13

Go to the police. Pronto.

PumpkinPie2016 · 08/05/2018 21:14

Definitely contact the police again!

Fruitcorner123 · 08/05/2018 21:14

yes go to the police.

MissionItsPossible · 08/05/2018 21:15

Is the girlfriend your friend? Did you let her in and then he forced his way in after her? I’m not going to advise anything as I don’t know your personal situation. It would be logical to say phone the police but if this is a person who knows you and is known to be dangerous and violent and has the capability to do so you need to think about your own safety.

Original poster
Vodkakisses · 08/05/2018 21:18

No I don’t know her , only seen her to say hi to ! Im scared because he lives behind me his garden sort of backs onto mine I didn’t know if I could contact them again because I said I didn’t want to make a complaint?

Thanks for reply’s

OP posts:
MissionItsPossible · 08/05/2018 21:28

You will be able to contact them again but the thing is they will either do nothing or talk to him. If he is dangerous and violent and shares a garden with you and knows where you live you have to weigh up the cost of the damage he says he’s no longer paying for against the threat of him seriously hurting you or your family. It’s crap, I know, but that’s the reality these days with such cuts :(

Original poster
Vodkakisses · 08/05/2018 21:42

Thanks mission I’ve accepted that about the damage that’s the situation now he thinks I called the police after the fact which I didn’t , so I’m terrified of repercussions of being “grass” especially when he’s within spitting distance , I’m scared he will come back xx

OP posts:
Extravagant · 08/05/2018 22:33

Is moving house an option?

Original poster
Vodkakisses · 08/05/2018 22:39

There’s no way I can move , such a rough situation I have no idea what I’m going to do

Thank you

OP posts:
MightyMucks · 08/05/2018 23:15

If you proceeded with the complaint would you be able to move i.e. is it council or HA and they might rehouse?

MightyMucks · 08/05/2018 23:16

If you own, another potential option could be renting out your house and using the rent to rent another place yourself.

Original poster
Vodkakisses · 09/05/2018 10:42

It’s a HA house , i don’t even know where to start in getting advice about my housing I’d be heart broken to move I’ve put so much bloody sweat and tears into my home . I know I’m being horrible but I hate the woman who’s ran into my home a virtual stranger has ruined our lives

OP posts:
forumdonkey · 09/05/2018 10:45

You need to report to the police. If you need to move house the police records should help support this. Being safe is more important than wallpaper and paint.

LilySwamp · 09/05/2018 16:33

Please contact your housing officer, op, they will have strict rules on
anti-social behaviour. Tell them you need to speak to them in confidence and ask to be rehoused because the threats have terrified you.

I can understand it's easier to just let it lie but he thinks you're a grass and these thugs think that is worse than being a criminal.
Looking over your shoulder is no way to live, op. Flowers

Smeddum · 09/05/2018 16:36

Call the police and change your decision about making a complaint about the first incident, and also log the fact that he’s now calling you a grass and that you’re intimidated by him.

He had no intentions of paying and by bullying you he thinks you’ll just shut up and he’ll get away with it.

Storm4star · 09/05/2018 16:57

OP, this link has really good advice

www.problemneighbours.co.uk/protection-from-harassment.html

I would follow the steps there. He is a bully and thinks he can scare everyone into letting him act how he wants. The law is on your side.

MightyMucks · 09/05/2018 17:19

Do you know if the woman is pressing charges against him?

Original poster
Vodkakisses · 09/05/2018 17:29

No she isn’t , she also told another neighbour that i better not say anything because she will deny it and I have no witnesses and also passed on a few subtle threats , I feel so stuck I also have children and this is such a small town I’m scared I won’t be able to prove it worse so now , thank you for the replies xxx

OP posts:
Smeddum · 09/05/2018 17:31

Then that neighbour can speak to the police on your behalf surely?

You did nothing wrong. She did, by running into your house and then denying it all. And he did by smashing your house up. Someone needs to pay to put it right at the very least, and it shouldn’t be you.

uservvy · 09/05/2018 17:33

Do you have a partner? Could you visit him, try and explain you didn't call the police (to give you peace of mind) Tell him you have no intention of calling the police or getting involved provided they both stay away from you . She is a stranger, her problems aren't yours. Try and wash your hands of them ASAP

uservvy · 09/05/2018 17:37

My mum had a similar problem. Befriended a female neighbour who was having problems with her BF. Mum thought she was doing the right thing by giving the woman a place to go, unfortunately all my mum ended up with was aggro and criminal damage to her property caused by the BF as pay back for ' sticking her nose in'.

Original poster
Vodkakisses · 09/05/2018 17:53

I don’t have a partner or anyone that could back me up , not likely that anything is going to be payed for and I’m in no position to replace it , it’s a door and he ripped my tv off the wall and threw it across the room smashing all the ornaments it all happened so fast I’m still in shock , I feel horrible because I keep blaming her but then I think something bad must of been happening for her to run into a strangers house , I don’t know I really don’t know anymore

OP posts:
Smeddum · 09/05/2018 17:58

Oh OP, you need some RL support. The police can help, is their house HA too? Or a private rental? Either of those and you could contact the HA/LL and get them involved.

Small claims court for the items they damaged, why should you have to pay?

Original poster
Vodkakisses · 09/05/2018 19:19

I don’t know if she even lives there , I have no idea thank you smeddum I don’t have anyone in RL xx

OP posts:
Smeddum · 09/05/2018 19:21

Flowers I wish I had the answers OP. It’s jjst so fucking unfair, none of this is your fault.