How to deal with colleague

[Tinklikescoffee]

Any help/advice welcome. I've recently gone back to work having been off sick for 7 weeks. New colleague joined 6 weeks prior to my sick leave, I provided training and we got on fine, general chit chat etc but since my return they have been 'off' with me, verging on rude and excluding me. AIBU to be a bit upset by this behaviour as I'm worrying about the effect it will have long-term. I realise I'm at work to work, but feel lonely as we are a small team.

If she was doing your job while you were off she probably resents you now you’re back and she’s relegated to other tasks. I had this at work a long time ago and depending on her personality she might believe she was coping fine without you and resents your input now. I’d be as pleasant as I could be but keep all communications short and make more effort with other people on your team.

You’ve worked to get where you are and she’s not your boss so don’t let her act as if she is. She may just be an up her own arse type of person who needs to grow up. Give her a wide berth wherever you can and let her wonder why.

What is she like with other colleagues? She may just be one of those people who is very focussed on her work and doesn't do small talk with other people when she's at work.

I have a colleague who says openly "I don't come to work to make friends". She's actually lovely, the best worker in the team and hugely supportive when anyone has a problem, but new staff find her really off and intimidating for about the first 2 years.

And, tbh, if anyone had asked me if the new royal baby had been named yet, I probably would have told them I didn't give a flying fuck - because I don't!

Personally I'd book a meeting room, invite her to a meeting then confront her outright. I'd calmly say the situation as you see it, say you want to work together pleasantly as does everyone then ask her what's wrong and how to recitfy it together. Will be a tough thing to do but will pay off. Couple be something you will never guess, maybe someone else gossipped about something false, or something else entirely.

She's a work colleague, not your friend. Unless she is stopping you doing your work, it's irrelevant.

What it can be is that when people go off sick people dont want to be struggling doing their work and yours as well. Thats the way a lot of people think and also that theres nothing wrong with the person.I'm not saying thats right but thats what I've found.
If someone has an illness like cancer or has sufferred a bad accident then they dont usually have problems.

It's really tough when someone is like that at work and you genuinely have no idea why. But, it's her issue and not yours so I would actively avoid trying to be polite and only talk to her from now on when you have to. Some people are just a bit odd . If she had a genuine grievance she'd have aired it by now. That means it is something very petty, and not worth wasting your time over. Take the moral high ground here.

I had a similar thing last year. I got married and the venue was small so was unable to invite everyone I wanted to the day. 3 work colleagues were invited, and to 2 others evening invites. Neither of the 2 evening invites acknowledged their invites, no thank you's or RSVP's either way. I was then blanked up until the wedding and a few months after returning to work from my honeymoon. It sounds petty, but she made my working life hell. I just wanted to break down in to tears all the time. I'd try and initiate conversation but received with short blunt responses, so I thought enough is enough! I stopped trying with her, which made me feel a lot better..low and behold a few weeks after she starts trying to be paly again. I'll be civil, but our work relationship will never go back to how it was to the way she treated me. Her loss. I really hope the situation get a better for you. We spend so much time with work colleagues it's awful when there's an atmosphere and you're in the bad end of it. x

There are only two concrete examples of what she's doing in this thread, and in her position I would have given similar to responses, to anyone, at any point in my 30 years working.

It seems she's not responding to small-talk. Maybe she just wants to work when she's at work?

(Although I suppose the fact the she was apparently OK before OP went off sick contradicts this theory.)

Maybe she isn't a chit chat person
Is she ok and chatty with other people in the office?
I think I would have given a similar reply 're the royal baby .... as I have no interest in them whatsoever

Hi OP, your strategy of making an effort to be friendly to her clearly isn't working, and just gives her a chance to slap you down and make you feel worse. So change your strategy and stop trying to be friendly (while still being polite, of course). You haven't given any examples of her behaviour making it harder for you to do your job so try to stop thinking about it so much.

I have a colleague who says openly "I don't come to work to make friends". She's actually lovely, the best worker in the team and hugely supportive when anyone has a problem, but new staff find her really off and intimidating for about the first 2 years.

I'm very similar. I've always said I'm there to do a job, not make friends. I have no colleagues on social media, and don't tell them the nickname I use outside of work, so they can't hunt me down and add me. I get a lot of "You're not how I imagined you" when I meet people who I've only spoken to via email or phone, and quite a bit of "Oh, you're lovely really!" when people do get to know me. As I said earlier, I had one colleague report me for being "sullen and rude" without speaking with me when really I have resting bitch face and was getting on with my work!