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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel incredibly sad that my ‘baby’ is 4yo tomorrow?

67 replies

Notjustamam · 08/05/2018 16:43

So I’ve spent an hour playing a lovely imaginary game with my DD and it suddenly hit me that tomorrow she’ll be 4 years old. These games are going to stop in favour of friends and technology just as they did with my older 4 DC. I’ve, literally, had to leave the room coz I’m crying my eyes out. Think it’s just hit me I’ll never have another baby.
Please someone snap me out of it.....

OP posts:
higherupper · 08/05/2018 21:25

I'm 100% with you op! I'm terribly soft when it comes to this sort of thing.

I cried whilst I breastfed dd for the first time

I cried whilst I breastfed my dd for the last time.

I cried when she had her haircut the first time Blush

I cried her first day of school

Ive cried on her last day of each school year so far

I cried when she said she didn't want me to read her a bedtime story any more after reading one every single night for years

Funny enough I haven't cried as much with my second dc. Think I'm too exhausted this time round.

WeWere0nABreak · 08/05/2018 21:29

My shoulders are killing me from nonstop feeding. My ears are ringing because she won't stop crying. My toddler is screeching and throwing things for attention, and did a shit that escaped from her nappy earlier today Hmm.

I can't bloody wait for mine to turn 4 and be a tiny bit more independent Grin

immortalmarble · 08/05/2018 21:29

I think it’s understandable to be nostalgic.

But - I have a twenty year old son who will never be independent or move out or probably even work, never mind marry, have children, travel.

What I wouldn’t give for him to grow older and to be able to do those things.

So yes - I do understand, I do, but just the same, don’t be too sad Smile

saison4 · 08/05/2018 21:48

I am not trolling - I just find it a rather bizarre statement.

one of my DC is severely disabled and I was incredibly upset when she was dx as her diagnosis means lifelong 24/7 care. but upset about a healthy 4 year old with a full live ahead of her? seriously?

Daddystepdaddy · 08/05/2018 22:08

Don't be sad, this is the start of a new great part their lives. My ds as 4 last year and started school in September and it has been great to watch him grow and develop socially in that time. He still likes cuddles and is definitely a mummy's boy still (don't worry I have my daddy's girl in his little sister) but he is growing in confidence with his reading and is learning how to navigate more complex social situations.

It's when they hit puberty that it gets difficult!

MotherforkingShirtballs · 08/05/2018 23:00

I'm sorry for those who have lost babies - I've been there - and I'm sorry for those with disabled children - I'm currently there - but my/your experiences don't trump those of the OP and our feelings/thoughts/emotions on children growing older don't mean that the OPs feelings in the situation are any less valid.

immortalmarble · 08/05/2018 23:08

No one is saying that they are trumped in any way, but it’s an important point.

Your child not growing older means either the tragedy of losing them or the fact that they will never reach a developmental milestone because of illness or disability.

Be careful what you wish for Smile

m0therofdragons · 08/05/2018 23:17

I've loved every stage as much or more than the last. 3 is a special age where they are full of wonder (and tantrums) but I have dd1 - 10 and dtds 6 and they're so much fun to be with. Enjoy 😊

Original poster
Notjustamam · 09/05/2018 00:09

@saison4 I apologise for the assumption but would like to add that my DCs Godfather has severe cerebral palsy, wheelchair bound, and learning difficulties.
Their aunt is a 42yo woman with downs who can’t function without support.
I’m sorry for reaching out. Thank you to everyone for your support. My house is decorated, presents wrapped, my beautiful DD is 4 today! Xx

OP posts:
UserV · 09/05/2018 00:24

Jeeeez whaddya gonna do when your 'baby' leaves home?! Confused

Feeling 'incredibly sad' that your child is 4 is a bit odd IMO.

You did ask!

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 09/05/2018 00:41

Yes we might miss part of parenting but we should be thankful that we gain something

Maybe you need to find something else in life that is fulfilling than just wanting a small child that is dependent on you

I do find these these get competitive in who feels the saddest at well basically not been the centre of their child’s world as they progress through life

higherupper · 09/05/2018 12:49

Hope your dd has a lovely birthday op

42andcounting · 09/05/2018 13:37

I get it. My 4yo is amazing, funny, learns new stuff at an amazing rate at the moment, and starts school in September. She's ready, but I'm not. I love that she comes to me for a cuddle about every ten minutes, that she thinks I'm the most amazing person in the world, and I know that will change once she finds a teacher that she loves. Actually I hope that will happen, but at the same time hope it won't! Grin I'm grateful for all that she is, that she's happy and healthy, I'd just like a bit more time with her before she moves to the next stage Blush

MotherforkingShirtballs · 09/05/2018 14:12

4yo is such a sweet age, they're far enough past the baby/toddler stage to be not quite as much hard work and their personalities really start to shine as they get better at communicating. It's also the end of an era because it's the stage where they move from that preschooler stage to being a school child and that's them on their way, you have to share them with the world. It's that feeling of wanting to freeze time, just for a little while, so we can stay as happy as we are right now. It doesn't mean I'm not grateful that my DC are growing up or that I'm sad at not being the centre of their world, I can be excited about their futures at the same time as feeling a nostalgic pang for the smell of their newborn head or the weight of a little bundle sleeping on my chest. It's not either/or.

I hope your DD has a lovely birthday.

Rivera36 · 09/05/2018 14:47

A lot of parents feel sad at prospect of one stage ending, however, they soon move onto another equally exciting stage and that keeps on going throughout their lives.

CaptainBrickbeard · 09/05/2018 14:54

The Poisonwood Bible is my favourite book and the quote upthread is my favourite part of it. I completely get that idea, that of course you cling on that bit longer to the last baby, but... well, someone I know posts on FB constantly about her ‘heartbreak’ and ‘devastation’ when her baby acquires a new skill/reaches a new milestone/gets a month older and it drives me absolutely up the wall. I want to shake her. It’s not devastating or heartbreaking, it’s bittersweet and it’s amazing and all kinds of emotions but it isn’t a sad or a bad thing. I just think always how grateful I am that I am getting older and so are my children and husband - it’s a privilege. Really not something to lament.

SeaEagleFeather · 09/05/2018 22:36

notjustamam most people get you. Mine has just started school too and he's terribly independent and I miss him already! Pride and a touch of loss at the same time.

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