Posting for traffic and also because I've has some awesome advice from.this board and on Relationships. I was postng under the name MissCommunication but I deleted my account because my DH was clearly accessing my devices and he's techie enough to get access renpteky through my Google account and passwords.
Anyway today I took the first step. It's over. I'm calm yet terrified. This is a man who has controlled and gaslighted me for years. We have two DC nearly 6 and nearly 2.
I don't even know where to begin with my terror because he's told me he wants me to move out, that he wants shared care (I am primary carer SAHM not a bean to my name etc etc) and that he will fight tooth and nail to get maximum access.
The things tgat have happened over the years have been so hard and he is now saying it's so sad that I believe he has tried to drive me insane and that he has trusted me with the children despite his concerns about me.
I have asked my solicitor to contact him and for the petition to go out asap.
The children have never been away from me for a night yet which I know some might think odd. I breastfeed the youngest still and eldest has medical issues and needs a little more support. DH has his own business but reckons he's going to give up working FT so he can look after the children. It's laughable because he's been disengaged over the years yet blames me for blocking him from his children. He practically gave up his DD from his first marriage in his pursuit of me and his physical contact with her has waned although he says he is in very frequent contact with her on text etc and hides it from me. I have the fact that I allowed him to lure me in at the cost of his child on my conscience until the day I die.
It's a completely toxic and awful situation and I have broken free. Although I am scared I feel a relief that I don't have to worry about offending him or what I'm going to do next. This year alone I have been told that I am rude, aggressive, nasty, abusive, controlling, manipulative, lazy, greedy for money (!) selfish, lacking in effort or care or consideration for him...the list goes on.
My AIBU is to be terrified that this will destroy me? I'm so scared. My mind is going 500 miles an hour. He will break me. He knows how to play everything. Surely he won't get 50%?? The children are not used to it (And I know they are resilient...I have been through a lot as a child myself but I think that's how I got into this mess and I don't want my DC to grow up thinking this relationship was normal) and it isn't in their best interests. He is really laying it on thick about wanting to be with them. He should have thought about that years ago.
Help me!! It's only the first day and I'm floundering.