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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that mumsnet ain't helping

42 replies

margesimpson40 · 07/05/2018 14:47

Been scrolling through posts, some very sad threads about pretty serious stuff, mums at the end of their tether and then there are posts with less serious issues, issues none the less and I'm not demeaning them or the mums. BUT a lady with young kids and an otc medication addiction and depression etc, gets under 10 replys and the repayment of a broken wine glass gets over 1000. Do you think we've all lost a grip on what's important or we come here for some escapism. I know the mum with the wine glass issue was distressed and rightly so, so it's not about diminishing her trauma. Would be interested to hear everyone's thoughts.

OP posts:
TheStoic · 07/05/2018 14:50

You’re not wrong.

I think the truly serious threads, many people just don’t know what to say.

I think you’ll find that many of the threads that reach 1000 posts are not strictly...real.

Mumsnet is not about support, it’s about entertainment and advertising.

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2018 14:51

Mumsnetting is leisure though, not work.

People are naturally drawn to certain threads depending on their mood at the time.

Besides if an OP had a deathly serious problem, I'm sure random internet strangers wouldn't be their first port of call.

flapjackfairy · 07/05/2018 14:51

Yes that thread was so jaw dropping it was bound to attract a lot of interest .

ineedamoreadultieradult · 07/05/2018 14:51

Sometimes as someone who has depression I can comment on the more serious posts and offer my opinion based on my experiences whereas other times I can only post on threads about entitled brides and naming new kittens as its all my mental health can take.

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2018 14:52

And yes I think the majority of 1000+ threads that then go on to have 'follow up threads', are more lighthearted or attention seeking.

60sname · 07/05/2018 14:54

Yes, absolutely I come here to fill idle moments, not to provide emotional support to anonymous strangers (who may or may not be who they say they are).

KeepServingTheDrinks · 07/05/2018 14:54

I often step away from the more serious threads because I don't feel I have anything to add, and would worry about saying something unhelpful or that might make a situation worse.

MissMary0fSweden · 07/05/2018 14:59

I haven't seen the thread you're referring to, and if I helps, I haven't seen the wine glass thread either. I avoid 'CF' threads like the plague.

AlonsoTigerHeart · 07/05/2018 14:59

Mumsnetting is leisure though, not work.
This
My home life is Shite.
I come here for the fluff, I've got enough heavy stuff of my own to be weighed down with right now

RoadToRivendell · 07/05/2018 15:01

I've no idea what to say to someone at the end of their tether, so it's best I not try.

Samcro · 07/05/2018 15:02

sadly people prefer the most likely made up stuff over the real more gritty threads.

haba · 07/05/2018 15:03

What Alonzo said.

There are enough serious topics that when I feel strong enough to help others I can.
But I come here for sanity and companionship.

TheFlannelsAreBreeding · 07/05/2018 15:04

The thread about addiction was the second thread by the same OP. She got a lot of replies to her first thread, she hasn't been able to act on any of the advice, people are obviously wary of repeating the same thing again - so of course fewer responses to the second thread.

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2018 15:05

Actually, some of the busiest threads can be the least helpful to some OPs with a serious problem.

They often contain too many different opinions, lots of projection, arguments between posters and some batshit crazy over-reactors.

Sometimes quality wins over quantity.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/05/2018 15:06

You've got a point OP. Sadly a lot of posters tend to gravitate to the more made up bullshit than the mundane but nevertheless posters that need a hand hold.

pigsDOfly · 07/05/2018 15:06

Like TheStoic says, with someone like the poster with the otc medication addiction I, and probably most posters, have nothing I could possibly add to the thread that could offer the OP any help. Her situation is way out of my experience. If the post is genuine, in all honesty all anyone on here could really advise the OP to do is to go to her GP, surely. How many MN posters are qualified to offer any further help.

You get a lot of people with threads like that just posting to say 'I didn't want to read and run, but someone will probably be along in a moment who can help'. That's all very well, and I suppose it does show that someone's read it, but it's hardly helpful is it.

On the other hand the broken glass thread was something that most people might have an opinion on, and so it proved.

catinapoolofsunshine · 07/05/2018 15:08

I wouldn't reply to a serious thread unless I knew what I was talking about. I expect that's a big part of it. Anyone can have an opinion on relative trivia, but something serious is something of a "do no harm" situation.

Also there is the chicken and egg problem of difficult to answer threads not being "bumped" - I have seen that wine glass thread but not the medicine addition one, and you don't reply to things you don't see, obviously.

nibblingandbiting · 07/05/2018 15:08

I haven’t seen either of the threads.
As pp said I post on serious ones if my own mh is in a good place. But often when I’m on here it’s not and I’m here for distraction.

As for posting if serious. It does happen. I’ve have done it. Reached out online not on here but somewhere else that’s also anonymous for me. It was a distraction whilst help came. I knew I was somewhere bad and just needed to chat shit, and that’s what we did.

Just hope the lady got the help/support she needed. Even though it was 10 posts it might have been enough to show someone cared. When I reached out I had one person. It didn’t matter if it was 1 or 100.

Anniegetyourgun · 07/05/2018 15:11

Sometimes a thread is posted at a not particularly busy time and nobody notices it until it's slipped onto the next page. I only scroll past the first page if I'm looking for a specific thread I'd been following so I probably miss loads of stuff. However, I'm not employed as a Mumsnet counsellor. There is no obligation upon me to assess all threads for worthiness before deciding where to bestow my time. Yes, sometimes I do come across a serious issue I think I can help with and am happy to do so. Often, though, I didn't see it or I don't understand/empathise or I simply wouldn't know what to say, so I say nothing in case I make things worse. I just hope no contibution of mine ever has made things worse - it's possible.

Also, as a pp said, sometimes these things are not real. You never know for certain. MN advice is never to give more of yourself than you can afford to, financially or emotionally. Pretty good advice in life generally, in fact.

Anniegetyourgun · 07/05/2018 15:13

ps I read the wine glass threads up to a day or so ago and as usual they were about so much more than just a glass.

Anniegetyourgun · 07/05/2018 15:14

pps As usual, while I was typing and re-re-editing a massive screed, other posters popped on and said what I was trying to say in a couple of elegant sentences. Another reason for keeping my beak shut.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 07/05/2018 15:17

People will reply & engage in whatever suits them at that point.and that’s ok
There isn’t a hierarchy of responses, it’s not more worthy to respond to heavy threads
I do serious & difficult at work, I come on mn to chat,shot the breeze.that suits me

DadDadDad · 07/05/2018 15:20

a lady with young kids and an otc medication addiction and depression etc, gets under 10 replys

That might actually be a good thing in that when it comes to clearly serious situations, people avoid coming on with lighthearted comments and the few comments are serious and helpful. I've noticed that one of the strengths of MN is that especially on boards like Relationships, there are sincere responses from people who actually have useful things to say.

The jokey banter can then be saved for the frothy threads.

missbonita · 07/05/2018 15:23

I agree, but when I read the hyperbole on the daft/click bait threads I'm glad it tends to be calmer and kinder on the serious ones.
I had a full blown crisis last summer and Mn was a huge help and posters were on the whole thoughtful and kind.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 07/05/2018 15:23

You have, at best, half a point. That's why there is a regular MNHQ message about not giving too much of yourself when trying to help. As other have said, support is best given by those with experience, a basis for their response, so many posters wouldn't be able to respond meaningfully to the otc addicted mum.

But much of the site is flat out entertainment, down time, fuck off world I am stepping off for a while! And everyone needs down time and the wine glass thread was the perfect vehicle for that - especially after the OP said she didn't care if the DM picked it up!

Su, unbunch your knickers, Marge. The site is what it is and posters give according to their abilities and take according to their needs. If you have a problem with that I can only suggest you use the Hide button a lot, or find somewhere else for your own leisure experience.