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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ASD has ruined my life

38 replies

wastedlifepointless · 07/05/2018 09:47

There I’ve said it
I’m sick of feeling how I do. Every day is a struggle and I have no reserves left to deal with it
There’s no support really for adults with asd
Maybe if I’d got a diagnosis in childhood it’d be different

I just want to say it because I’m fed up of every day feeling like this

OP posts:
flapjackfairy · 07/05/2018 09:51

Oh hon big hugs. My son is 28 with aspergers. I hear you ! X

Original poster
wastedlifepointless · 07/05/2018 09:54

I’ve had enough. Childhood was just painful and a struggle
Then I thought I had raging pmt a lot I think it was just asd and frustration
After dc I felt weird again I think it was my mind unable to readjust after birth

Now, i realise this is how it always is. I’m exhausted mostly by trying to fit in, i try so so hard but it drains everything from me. I can’t do anything I’m disorganised but am obsessed with trying to be organised
I hate this. I feel awful everyday

OP posts:
flapjackfairy · 07/05/2018 10:01

Can you see the gp . Some medication might help in the short term Try to just get through today and dont even think about tomorrow is how i survive the tough times. Things are rarely as bad as they seem and your child / ren need you. So you have something to focus on .
I know i sound trite but this week i have hit rock bottom and feel life is all a huge struggle . We all feel exhausted by the fight that life can present so dont feel you are alone. Are there any support groups you could access ?

Original poster
wastedlifepointless · 07/05/2018 10:05

It really is surviving every day
Trying to stick to plans and schedule
Trying to act normally if go anywhere
Feeling exhausted afterwards
Planning for days ahead
Needing (but not always getting) time in the day for peace and quiet so my mind can rest as I get overloaded easily
Controlling obsessive behaviour

All that on top of household and family

I have no coping strategies

There’s a local women’s group once a month for asd but it’s evening and I can’t do evenings

OP posts:
Original poster
wastedlifepointless · 07/05/2018 10:06

I can’t do evenings because the day is so stressful I am exhausted from it. A lot of my day is spent in highly stressful situations where I have to try and act normal and have nowhere to retreat too and it takes its toll massively

Honestly I wish there was a cure for this or just a way to have a day off because I’m sick of it

OP posts:
immortalmarble · 07/05/2018 10:07

I hear you OP Flowers

GruffaloPants · 07/05/2018 10:08

Have you seen this online support for women with ASD? www.scottishautism.org/services-support/support-families/women-and-girls-online-support

It's funded by Scottish government but I think you can access it from elsewhere in the uk too.

Original poster
wastedlifepointless · 07/05/2018 10:11

I’d give anything for just 24 hours without this

OP posts:
SmashedMug · 07/05/2018 10:11

Yanbu. Flowers

Sadsnake · 07/05/2018 10:14

I feel the same,I've too kids with autism..the youngest is just like me ,school insisted he had autism ,and I didn't think he would get diagnosed,but he did...ive since been reading about women with autism .asperger girls and the girl with the curly hair..it's been a revaluation,and explained years trying different anit dpressants that never worked,because it was ASD not depression,now I have to decide if I can summon the strength to explain to dr...there's a thread on here that's helpful ,anxiety support hand hold say hi thread ,might be worth a look x

FissionChips · 07/05/2018 10:17

Why are your days so stressful? Do they need to be or are they that way because you are trying to fit and be “normal”?

TatterdemalionAspie · 07/05/2018 10:28

You are not alone - I understand and feel the same often.

There are a couple of facebook groups where you will find a lot of people who understand - British Women With Asperger's, and Mums On The Spectrum.

Devastatedupset · 07/05/2018 10:33

OP ... you might get more help and advice if you move this to the SN boards ...

Tinkobell · 07/05/2018 10:33

Hi OP. We have 5 people in our close family with varying ASD....you are not alone. Big hugs. Have you tried mindfulness meditation. Headspace is a very good app. It just helps press a little reset button a time or two during the day to enable your brain to cease working quite so hard. You sound like your mind is in utter overdrive.
Also, have you been online and looked at local support groups in your area? 💐

Vangoghsear · 07/05/2018 10:33

Maybe consider consulting your GP about antidepressants which could help with the stress and anxiety you are experiencing.

Gilead · 07/05/2018 10:37

I too am autistic. Stop. Just stop trying to fit in. It's exhausting. Find yourself a slow and steady routine that works for you and your family. Tell people you have an ASC and if they don't fit around you, walk away. I've got a few friends and they're really understanding and helpful.
Slow down and stop trying to be something you're not.

zzzzz · 07/05/2018 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

colditz · 07/05/2018 10:43

My 15 year old son takes a low dose antidepressant every day when has changed his life. I really know if he forgets to take it (he lost the bottle on holiday one year) and it's made a huge difference to him.

It's called sertraline. It's worth asking your doctor because as an adult, you won't need to wait for a referral to psychiatric services, your doctor can just let you try it.

I also find that he is calmer and happier if we schedule in time for his special interests and don't make him spend too much time trying to "pass" as normal. We went to the coast for the day yesterday but at 5pm he announced "No. I am done with Skegness now. I need my bedroom." so we left. Maybe allow yourself to do tht, allow yourself to be 'done' with something and leave.

Debfronut · 07/05/2018 10:44

You are right there is no help for adults with ASD. My son is 25 and since he left education he is invisible. He has been under a psychologist and a psychiatrist but at the end of the day all he can do as an adult is manage his life as best he can. I am sorry, it is a hard condition to deal with as its relentless.

colditz · 07/05/2018 10:47

Also are you overestimating how much you "should" be coping? Are your kids young? because I was often miserable and overwhelmed with life in general until my kids were about 7 and 10

SmashedMug · 07/05/2018 10:54

Stop. Just stop trying to fit in. It's exhausting.

If only it was that simple Grin There's so many negative consequences of not trying to fit in and follow social conventions. I mean beyond trying to make friends/socialise, there's interactions with children's teachers, other parents, shop assistants, people on the phone, strangers who strike up conversation, etc. There's short term and long term effects. I find the horrible looks, nasty comments, eye rolls and sighs, dismissive reactions etc on the days where I haven't been able to mask to be as exhausting as trying to fit in because it is a constant reminder that I don't belong and I'm not worth bothering with if I don't play along. It's lose lose.

And it's not as if we can safely disclose autism to everyone we meet and expect to be treated nicely or with respect. There's people who would use that information against us and people whose reactions wouldn't be positive or supportive. A disclosure can't be taken back.

Gilead · 07/05/2018 11:13

In the main, smashed, it's what I've done. I did tell teachers and colleagues. As for people who strike up conversations randomly. I smile politely and don't engage unless I want to. I'm probably not going to see them again, anyway, let them judge. Having said that, I'm sixty this year. I do understand the hell of the primary school playground, I felt that every single person on that playground was better equipped to deal with life than me, they all looked so bloody perfect from the outside, chatting away about nonsense and seemingly interacting without effort or cost. I hated it. I've just got more mardy as I've got older. I do find though that slowing down and not conforming to the expected norm has helped me.

immortalmarble · 07/05/2018 11:23

It can come across quite abruptly to tell people to go to the special needs board. I fully appreciate that is not the intention but it comes over as “go and speak to your kind.”

Op, I would take any amount of pain myself to remove this condition from my son. It’s horrible and I hate it. I’m sorry. My son will not accept he is in any way different but on some level he knows he is and fights it so hard, yet he is so confused and scared and angry and unhappy.

He’s vanished overnight and I don’t have a clue where he is!

zzzzz · 07/05/2018 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iwishicouldbelikedavidwatts · 07/05/2018 18:30

a day without ASD is too much to ask i'm afraid.

but a day without "highly stressful situations where I have to try and act normal and have nowhere to retreat too and it takes its toll massively" is achievable, given time and support.

what life-preserving changes can you work towards OP? what kind of support might help you achieve those changes? who's on your side?

from an adult-diagnosed parent, if there's anything it would help to talk over/rant about i'm all ears.

strength to you x