ASD has ruined my life

[wastedlifepointless]

There I’ve said it
I’m sick of feeling how I do. Every day is a struggle and I have no reserves left to deal with it
There’s no support really for adults with asd
Maybe if I’d got a diagnosis in childhood it’d be different

I just want to say it because I’m fed up of every day feeling like this

Do you have depression? Google the symptoms.
We need more alone time and rest than neurotypicals. Give yourself a break. We don't have to fit in.

YANBU.
I have two children with asd, I have no idea what the future holds for them; life is difficult for all of us.

I don’t feel depressed I feel overwhelmed I think that’s the main issue
I’d be much better if I didn’t have to do 90% of the things I have to each day

Those things are not anything I can stop. School pick ups drop offs etc , talking to teacher and other parents
Trying to just be organised is draining too o feel like I’ve got a very disordered mind yet ironically I love tidiness and order but find it impossible to achieve so I obsessively plan and then waste time I could actually be sorting stuff then I’m stressed

Plan in a rest time. It's important for your mental health.

how old are the kids wlp?

would it help to think in terms of positive stuff you can maybe do to counteract the negative/draining but essential stuff? conscious stimming really helps me - walking, music/dancing, rocking - anything rhythmic and repetitive...

i'm shit at being organised, but i find the work of tidying/cleaning/sorting very therapeutic. i try not to think about the bigger picture (which is inevitably overwhelming), rather concentrate on the 5/10/30-minute task-in-hand. repeat. look back and feel a sense of achievement B)

Every mother of young children has to pull back on standards of tidyness and orderliness. Unfortunately your ASD demands you have order and routine in your life but the nature of marriage and motherhood means you are in a no win situation.

It’s no good saying relax your desire to have order in your life because the rigidity of your thinking makes that impossible.

Is there any way you can reduce the work you need to do. Employ a cleaner? Ask a relative to do the school run? Have a playroom where all the kids toys and junk go where you just close the door and keep private spaces tidy? Find a way to have at least an hour a day meditating or just alone and quiet?

Difficult I know but it will get better with time.

can you make/find yourself a place to retreat to?

A day without ASD would be a lovely thing once in a while. I can relate to feeling overwhelmed, I often wish I could hit a pause button on life to get my mind organised and have some breathing space before trying again.

There are some good suggestions here. I think it's okay to take a moment to hate on ASD/the impact it has on your life, we all need to let negative feelings out sometimes. If you can, try to find small things you can do to relax, whether it's listening to music on the school run or taking time to journal/meditate/engage in a hobby for a few minutes a day. You are totally right that there aren't enough services for adults with ASD and it does make life so hard. If you can get psychological support it might help (although some mental health services seem to be put off by ASD diagnosis in my experience). I have recently got myself a DBT workbook and I've found it to be massively helpful with dealing with my emotions/feeling over whelmed and out of control.

Hang in there, it will get better.

You've really got me thinking now Gilead! Especially the part about not engaging with strangers. I think I'm going to experiment with putting less effort in to fit in and redirect my energy elsewhere and see how it goes :D

Good for you smashed, it does make life a little easier, honestly!

I don’t think many people take it that way immortal ....

getting advice from those living with the same disability, sharing their thoughts, experiences, coping strategies, tips etc can be invaluable. Those who walk in similar shoes have a greater understanding than those who don’t.

I’ve seen posts on the main boards about SN difficulties and many posters give advice based on NT behaviour. Sometimes it’s best/more helpful to post in the most appropriate place.

I hear you. My son is ASD and already struggling to conform in secondary school, I'm worried about how he's going to cope in adulthood. He's so tired from trying to fit into an nt way of teaching in school (despite being in a nurture unit).
I often wonder if it'd be worthwhile me trying to get a diagnosis in adulthood because it's fairly clear now that I'm ASD but as is now known it presents differently in females. I've stopped trying to fit in no but I'm beyond useless at trying to be organised in the way others are. It's just exhausting.