To think that she can't be that busy?

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How would you feel if you sent a really long text about something really difficult that you’re going through, like a divorce and at the end of the text, you’ve asked for their advice on something, and the friend says they haven’t read all of it but will reply soon. It’s been 5 days since I’ve heard from that friend, still waiting for a reply. In the meantime she’s posted pics on her social media accounts about food and the things she’s been doing in the last few days. And even on her WhatsApp status she posted a picture 1 hour ago.

AIBU to think she can’t be that busy that she can’t spare 5 min to get back to me? I feel really hurt and upset by this.

How close a friend is she? She doesn't sound like a close friend to me.

Can you tell us more about your history with her?

Do you have anyone else you can talk to? We are here...

Get better friends.
She has time, she just hasn't got time for your problems.
Sometimes no response is the clearest response there is.
Do you have other friends you can confide in?

it is possible shes forgotten, sometimes i read a text and will plan to reply later and forget - especially if it is a reply thats a bit more that ok or yes

Is this a one off massive event you need support with or do you regularly send long texts? I have both types of friends, and that type of text from some of my friends would elicit a similar response, from other friends I would reply way way quicker.

How often do you send lengthy messages like that and have you asked for her advice before and then ignored her or reacted badly to what she says? I used to have a friend like that, it was emotionally draining. I'm more arm's length now and will get back to her when I can, and will not offer much advice as what she wants is someone to pity her and agree with everything she says. She c gets angry when she asks for advice and you suggest what you'd do in that situation, so for me it's not worth the hassle anymore. Not saying you are like that, just my own experience

This forum is good to let things off your chest. Otherwise, a phone call is better than a long text. She may not be the right person to ask. Perhaps she feels ill-equipped to help

I have a friend who sends regular texts like this; some I answer and some I ignore. I'm not her own personal social worker 🙄

Sounds like it needs more than 5 minutes. She's taken the 5 minutes to say she'll look at it when she has more time.

Either she's forgotten the text, or she's not bothered, or has her own agenda / moving away from the friendship. I had it once. It hurt but I realised the friendship had come to an end.

Post your problem on another thread here and get impartial advice.

Phase this "friend" out of your life.

She is not a friend. She has time but not for you.

I'd feel like I probably should have called or met up rather than sending a very long text. I'd feel that maybe I'd put too much on them, and maybe they had their own shit happening.
I'd call them.

But this is MN, so most of the answers will be "she's a cunt, never speak to her again" which is fucking awful advice, but bizarrely popular on here.

I have a lot going on right now. Yesterday I took a walk and stopped for selfies and to take pictures of flowers. Now I'm on mum's net. These are sanity breaks.
Just because I have time to do them, does not mean that I have the time or emotional energy to deal with a long emotional text for a friend.
If this is out of character for her, give her the benefit of the doubt (if she's going through stuff herself and a good friend she won't be talking to you about it due to your own things). If this is her, reevaluate the friendship.

I can understand you being upset. My brother does the same. I will text/email him & can wait over a week for a reply which will inevitably says he's been too busy to reply sooner but over that week I can see he's been on FB, updated his status, posted pictures of cakes he's baked & had lenghty chats with his FB friends 😠

I'd think she wasnt interested.
Unless she has been a very good friend in the past then I'd move on from her.

She was being passive aggressive in telling you she didn't even read the whole message from you. I can almost see the eye roll 🙄 when she was reading it.

By telling you she'd get back to you then didn't she gave you a very clear message that she's not interested in your drama.

She is not a friend. Some people are only fair weather friends who just can't deal with anything else.

In future be guarded in who you share your personal problems with.

My experience is that people are fundamentally selfish and aren't interested in supporting others going through a hard time.

Some times it is possible to be that busy depending on your job.
A surgeon carrying out long surgery - 12 hours + or a lawyer in trial having to work past 2am and be back at work at 6am - with barely enough time to sleep wash and grab a sandwich.

For people in that kind of zone, they literally do not have time to do anything other than the job in front of them. If you've never worked in a job like that you won't have an appreciation of how all consuming it is - and there is no get out. A patient in surgery has to have the operation completed - you can't stop half way through. A trial lawyer has to be ready to argue the case and have the documents done - you can't beg the judge to wait.

I think what can happen is that when that phase passes, they have so much built up back log of texts/emails that things can be forgotten about or slip through the net.

Tbh I would always start with "Hi how are you" and take it from there. Say I could do with some help/advice, do you have a bit of time? Play it in so people don't feel cornered. I've been on the receiving end of sudden very long texts and it has to be a super-close friend for it not to seem odd and daunting tbh.

I don't get the impression this friend is a brain surgeon or a high court judge.

My experience is that people are fundamentally selfish and aren't interested in supporting others going through a hard time

and some are fundamentally selfish and see their own needs and problems as something everyone else should support and care about, while treating those people as merely props for their own lives. The "if you're not supportive of my every crisis and complaint, when I need it, youre not my friend" types are the WORST friends.

Another thing to remember is that you don't necessarily know what is going on with her. Recently I sent an important email to someone that requested a reply and had no reply. I angsted about it for ages and evently sent a chaser.

Turned out person had had a serious accident and had been away from work. Things like this do happen and intervene.

Thing is sometimes it can take only a minute or two to physically read and write a reply, but require a hell of a lot more than that in emotional energy.

I have a friend like that - she simply won’t reply to messages or speak on the phone if her boyfriend (of 2 years whom she sees most days) is with her, and she is open about this. I find it irritating - every time she’s in a relationship her friends are forgotten.

How much support has she offered over the situation over say, the last two months? What's going on in her life at the moment?

People can hit burn-out with supporting friends. I think that's why MN works well for support, there's loads of us so it's easier IYSWIM.

How often do you send long texts about your problem? People can get sympathy fatigue.

Are you asking for free advice for something they are normally paid to provide (eg your friend is a solicitor)? That can really annoy people.

On the face of it the lack of response is quite hurtful, but there could be perfectly justifiable reasons for it.