To think that she can't be that busy?

[Starbucks90]

How would you feel if you sent a really long text about something really difficult that you’re going through, like a divorce and at the end of the text, you’ve asked for their advice on something, and the friend says they haven’t read all of it but will reply soon. It’s been 5 days since I’ve heard from that friend, still waiting for a reply. In the meantime she’s posted pics on her social media accounts about food and the things she’s been doing in the last few days. And even on her WhatsApp status she posted a picture 1 hour ago.

AIBU to think she can’t be that busy that she can’t spare 5 min to get back to me? I feel really hurt and upset by this.

How close is this friend, have you been there for her in the past etc?

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. If she's normally in contact a lot and it's clear to both that your friendship is a close one, then 5 days is a lot, yes, but then if she wants to do your question justice probably then it could take a good hour or so of her time to fully respond to everything, think of advice etc inc. being prepared to engage in conversation if you're online at the same time. It's not a 5-min job and also not just a case of waiting for a spare chunk of time, it's a case of waiting for a free hour where she's also feeling alert, in the right frame of mind etc and doesn't have anything more pressing to do where she could use that energy.
(Just to say it's also unwieldy to reply to a long text on a phone so maybe suggest that you'd appreciate a call just as much.)

If this is a more casual friendship I don't think it's fair to call her a 'fair weather friend' or to send her long messages like this. I think it was nice of her to send a 'you're on my list' type message and not just leave it unanswered. Also tbh I wouldn't consider her one of my closest friends, but it doesn't mean she's a bad friend full stop, just less invested than you maybe thought.

Forgotten or perhaps doesnt know what to say? Maybe she is having troubles of her own?

I read the friend texting back that she's not read all of it as her acknowledging she's received it (rather than ignoring you till she's ready to reply fully) and that it's not something she wants to send a 10 second reply to but needs to think about when she's got some space. Okay 5 days on is poor but chances are having intended to reply a bit later she's now forgotten & has got on with everything else. It doesn't mean she's not your friend, just that life gets in the way of good intentions sometimes.

I think you do need to ask yourself (and be honest) do you send these kind of texts a lot? You may be going through a lot at the moment but as no one's life is perfect. You say she is a good friend, would you say it was an equal friendship? Do you ask after her life, what is going on, the kids, work etc? Can she rely on you for emotional support?

Text seems to be an odd medium for an out pouring. Perhaps you should have suggested taking her out for a coffee or a drink?

Agree with the other that mumsnet is a good place for emotional dumping - put your thickest skin on, dust off your hard hat and you'll get advice from all over.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=vFETE_u3cos

...sorry, just made me think about this friends reference .

I have a friend like that - she simply won’t reply to messages or speak on the phone if her boyfriend (of 2 years whom she sees most days) is with her, and she is open about this. I find it irritating - every time she’s in a relationship her friends are forgotten.

I don't see an issue with this. Why should she text when she's with her boyfriend? The consensus on here is normally that it's rude to text in company anyway.

Not enough context from OP.

Can I ask. Do you text her often about this issue or other things you're going through?

I emailed one of my oldest friends two months ago as we were due to arrange a catch up and I wanted to tell her about a horrendous episode we went through last year. About four paragraphs in all so not unduly long. I also asked after her family and life.

No reply. I’m struggling so hard to understand it. Did she even get it? (Probably, why not?)

So i do understand how hard it is to feel ignored. It’s also hard to know what you were asking her and what the backstory is so although I get it it is possible she’s not being unreasonable. As someone else suggested, why not try us for advice or thoughts on the problem?

Surely if you're close enough to talk about serious personal issues with someone you're close enough to double text saying oi, you free for a call sometime?

The other day my friend text me about her terrible weekend. I read it and replied. She 'read' it about 30mins later (around midday). Didn't expect her to come back to me as she was at work. I saw her later at 3.10 and she said she'd only just read it. I said that was odd cos it had shown as being read earlier. My phone had been going mad that day doing a variety of odd things. Then she said she'd opened it earlier, realised it was a long reply and said she couldn't be bothered to read it earlier so waited. Maybe it was something like that with your friend? Other people may have text her since you did and those messages will have pushed yours down her inbox. It didn't piss me off with my friend because I know how she works but if it's bugged you, send a subtle 'chase' message later when you know she might not be busy and go from there.

I sometimes do that. Not reply to lengthy texts for a few days.
It’s not that I don’t care, just sometimes I need to really read the text. Take it all in and think about the reply. Most people I know like the blunt truth. A few like everything fluffy which takes longer.

I have one i have just replied to. I got it last week. The same stuff again. It’s draining. I’ve been busy. I’ve posted on sm. Doesn’t
Mean I don’t care. Sometimes I don’t have the headspace

Is it ironic that the OP posted but hasn't responded for two hours... 😂

If you were texting about something very sensitive, Is it possible that she doesn't quite know what to say? I'm always very anxious to give either good advice or, if I can't give good advice, at least be really understanding, but because I can be emotionally very insensitive - I don't mean to be, I just sometimes really don't "get" the blindingly obvious - I get a bit paralysed by the fear of saying the wrong thing and end up not saying anything at all. Try not to be too hurt. There could be several good reasons why she seems to be busy on frivolous stuff but hasn't replied to you. If she ignored your needs as a pattern, then OK, she's not a good friend, but if she's usually pretty good, then you have to cut people some slack, IME.

I’ll wdmit that my friend who’s still moaning about her cheating abusive boyfriend 8 years later my patience has gone.

Right, thank you for your replies. Firstly she doesn’t work at the moment, but she’s got two kids under 10. We’ve been friends for 10 years , and we’re really close. This is unlike her to ignore me for so long, It wasn’t a long text about me moaning about exh, it was a long text about what the solicitor/organisation said . All I said was that I’ve spoken to a solicitor, called another organisation and told her what they’ve said, then I told her I wanted to do x y z? Do you think I should do it ? . That was that..

OP you've not answered anyone's questions, the answers to which may shed light on why she hasn't replied

Meh, is she your divorce advisor or a friend? She probably read it and figured it doesn't need a urgent reply or honestly isn't sure what kind of advice to give. Just ring her and see if she's free for a coffee or something to catch up and talk it over? Also if you read through your text conversations with her do you ask her about her life at all or is it all one sided?

Maybe she wasn’t comfortable with giving you advice on this particular issue? If it’s something life changing like divorce she might well feel like she doesn’t want the responsibility. It’s obviously a tough question so that is quite reasonable.

Maybe she's just forgotten. I don't think text is a very good medium for serious subjects. Why not call her? This is a lot of mental space to give one ignored text mesage.

This article is an interesting perspective on these sort of situations
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/mar/02/oliver-burkeman-unanswered-texts?CMP=ShareiOSAppp_Other

I am often slow to respond to friends. I am sure that it's sometimes annoying for them, but as others have said I am frequently asked for support and advice and I have to give myself the headspace. And then when I have left it for a few days, I feel guilty about that, formulating the reply is harder, I feel awkward about it and so put it off more... Thus exacerbating the situation.
So far my friends know me and are understanding and accepting of me and my communication patterns.
It doesn't necessarily mean she is a shit friend or doesn't want to be your friend, but it's not all about you, but your relationship.
If you really want to hear from her just ring her up...

I'd guess she might have forgotten. Why don't you drop her a line and just ask if she'd had any thoughts on the text?

I'm often slow in responding to people but also I get mentally drained by certain people. So my bil and his family are complete sympathy drainers, they go from one self inflicted disaster to another. We're always expected to step in & clear up the mess like cleaners. I've got a lot going on personally atm & don't have the emotional capacity to deal with emotionally draining people.

I have two friends with very high maintenance personal lives and again I come away mentally drained after spending time with them. It's not doing me any good so I'm stepping back. Your problems are not hers to solve, please don't make it her burden.

Texting about a major personal issue seems weird to me. I'd be more inclined to text and say I need to speak to you or please phone me.

I've got tired of having long conversations/monologues about my friend's Ex. I try to be supportive but I've been bored of it now for months. I've heard most of it many times before and it's not that interesting to hear what the fuckers up to on a day by day basis.

I've tried talking about anything else but she all she really wants is to obsess about his every little word and action so drags the conversation back to him. I'm just hoping that she moves past it soon.