To hate being born between social classes?

[gorseclay]

Name changed for this one.

Is it U to dislike being born to parents of differing social classes?

My father is v traditional upper middle class whereas my mum is very working class. Don’t get me wrong, I love being able to have two perspectives on everything and seeing two sides to every history.

I just feel I lack a sense of “belonging” to one specific group of people. I love the friendliness and close knitness of working class people in my area but feel I don’t “fit”. Maybe this is my fault and all in my head, but they tend to view me ad a bit “posh”. Whereas the other group the other.

I constantly feel as if I’m picking sides!

i know what you mean - but I feel comfortable with both groups. The one I struggle with is my middle -middle class DH family which is the world I live in. There's so many unwritten rules and a running fear of being seen to be common. (said in a light hearted way)

as for how my two worlds collided, my mum is very pretty and my dad rebellious and it was the 60s.

Averyyounggrandma
Are you surprised people think like this?

Culture differences, class/background/wealth differences, religion
ALL these will impact on a relationship and the children of that union and make them feel different from their peers. Children just want to feel the same as everyone else. On the face of it, this is why parents worry when their children marry someone with any major background difference. Our background shapes who we are, how we think. Young love glosses over it all and it comes out later. So sad some of these people had to stuggle without help

I think you think you're missing out on something that doesn't exist, really. I don't think anyone feels like they fit solidly in one class or another these days do they?

I'm never a class denier - I know there are cultural differences - but I don't think things are as clear cut as you seem to think they are. Many working class people have university educations these days, for example.

The one I struggle with is my middle -middle class DH family which is the world I live in. There's so many unwritten rules and a running fear of being seen to be common. (said in a light hearted way)

Yes, I experienced this. In the end I just didn't let it bother me. They were just so grateful that DH and I gave them their only grandchildren that over time things became OK.

The whole ''know your place'' is so palpable in the UK.

I have never noticed this

OP most people who are the first in their family to get a degree feel somewhat alienated — not always because they feel “different “ but because that’s their family’s perception.
Not quite so defined in Australasia as class lines not so well defined and often based more on financial success than generations of “breeding” plus so many families go back only one or two generations to the original settler.
In my experience identity is a huge issue and your circumstances maybe just emphasise it and equate it to class division.

I can see how this would be tough for some people.

I have a similar (although not as big a “divide” as some on this thread have) background. My dad is university educated and my mum isn’t (she later studied hard at night classes for an NVQ), his parents bought a house (decades ago) and hers didn’t, etc.

I can honestly say that I NEVER experienced snobbery, snide comments etc in either direction from them or their families. Both of my parents supported me equally and without judgement in whatever I was doing, whether it be studying, choice of mates, after school club, significant life choices and so on.

Class never factored into it. When I was 17 I had one mate whose dad owned a mansion and another whose council house was falling apart. As long as you were polite and friendly though, everybody was welcome round at my parents’ house.

Maybe I was just lucky but I really do think that my parents’ own experiences meant they were determined to give me an open mind. Having said that I also think going to a comprehensive school helped because you meet the whole spectrum of backgrounds.

I feel a bit the same, a try-too-hard middle class lacking a lot of cultural references that people take for granted vs too posh for where I grew up

I ended up moving abroad and really like not being able to place people by accent or clothes and having to learn it from themselves !

What is the obsession with class in the UK? I literally never hear about it here in Ireland I find it so strange.

SoupDragon probably because your perception of yourself matched how others perceived you! so there was no incongruity for you to notice.

SoupDragon probably because your perception of yourself matched how others perceived you! so there was no incongruity for you to notice.

My perception of myself is that I don’t have a class. Much like my perception of others. Perhaps that is why.

The person on the first page of the thread who had the abusive childhood and posh ancestors sounds an awful combination. Abuse of course can happen in all classes. I don't think most of us go round thinking about class very much - we are just humans. My family have done better than they had been doing so I suppose a generation or 2 ago they might have changed class - tihnk miners, shipyard workers agricultural labourers. I did notice class a bit at my mother's funeral - just the difference between my children and her 52 NE first cousins etc but as soon as people got talking (the family can talk the hind leg off a donkey) you could see there were no differences that really matter.

I’m with SoupDragon. I don’t really recognise this angst at all. I live in a fairly affluent area and some people locally are horrendous snobs but I’m not sure it’s a class thing, just an arsehole thing. I certainly have more disposable income than my parents had but does that mean I’m a different class? And if so when did that happen? University? Buying a house? Marrying another professional? I honestly don’t get it nor do I ever see it.

And to the pp who talked about lower middle class and middle middle class, what on Earth defines those? Is it income or a state of mind? My mind is genuinely boggled by this.

OP. Many people from parents of different cultures feel the same. You look too ‘Chinese/African/Ethnicity’ or whatever to be fully accepted but in the country which has people that look more like you, you can’t speak the language and are ‘foreign’.

YABU

I had a similar childhood.

As a result of my life experiences I can adapt my accent to fit in, and can be socially at ease whether at The Ritz or a council estate. It has been helpful professionally. You need to see it as a plus rather than a plus rather than a minus.

But then I was also brought up between religions....

I’m the same. My DF is your standard middle class guardian reading bleeding heart liberal and my DM is a working class hairdresser.

They separated not long after I was born so I had a very strange upbringing split between two contrasting people/outlooks. I aligned myself more with my DF, found more common ground with him and got a degree as most of his family have. My DM and I have very little in common and aren’t close. It’s a tricky one and growing up in both worlds, I also don’t know where I belong but I go with middle class due to how my life has turned out.

Is this how my DC feel?!

I think I understand this. It comes through more culturally - interests, expectations for instance, but there is a connection to money or networks (for instance, going on holiday, and if so where you go,what you do...).

They are always sweeping generalisations, but I can feel it. I feel mixed, for instance I tend to fit more with the ‘working class’-stereotype in terms of our life and parts of my background but other parts of my background some of our interests fit with the ‘middle class’-stereotype.

I agree that perceptions of class should die out, but the reality is that we have different experiences and opportunities based on how we grew up and this has a sort of cultural effect too. We group that into these sweeping generalisations to give them a label. It’s not perfect and definitely far more nuanced than a simple categorisation. But cultural references are part of how we interact, so it isn’t unusual for people to feel like they don’t fit if they don’t hold the same references.

I used to feel it strongly, no so much now, and I still notice the cultural differences. So do close friends who visit us (I live somewhere that has gentrified so they remember how it used to be compared with now). I don’t think anything negative of my neighbours, and I don’t feel that I fully fit in culturally in terms of sharing the same references, however I am fine with that, and happy with who I am. I think that’s the main thing for people, to be confident in their own space. DH is accepted by pretty much anyone regardless of background because he is friendly, polite and confident, despite coming across as ‘posh’, which is despite coming from a very disadvantaged background!

Yes, PSB, I wonder the same. My children have never mentioned feeling caught between 2 classes but is this something I have to look forward to?

I never voiced my feelings to my parents as a child, and never would as an adult!

Social class is easier to hide than say religion or ethnicity IME.

I would say my mother in moving from a small mining village via passing the 11+ to grammar school and 2 years residential teacher training college and marrying my father at university stage moved classes very effectively in lots of senses although she still did go back to visit her family. She had no siblings so not a lot of very close relatives which may be made the move easier and her father died at work when she was a baby in arms.

I think once the move is made then people just get on with it. Just be kind and polite to everyone I've always thought and talk to everyone which is what I think most of this famly does and always has done and it's all okay.

(LS, I don't think religion is that hard to hide surely? Most of the C of E or Catholics don't really show that religion. Most of them don't even wear a cross. )

Are posh people better than other people then Milktray?

Honestly, I would count myself really lucky that I had been born to two people who were able to value people for themselves rather than their class.

I get it too op, I had similar. And people who say 'ooh isn't class dead now, this surely is irrelevant?' are totally deluding themselves, studies suggest that class remains a major element in determining both how people socialise and who with.