Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel like giving up? :(

40 replies

Secretlifeofme · 06/05/2018 09:46

DH and I have now been TTC since September 2016. I've had two miscarriages and a chemical pregnancy. Since my chemical pregnancy in January this year, my cycles seem to have got shorter and I also have had spotting for several days before AF begins, which gets my hopes up (because I think it's implantation bleeding) and then dashes them again. Last month I had spotting for a whole week but no AF and the doctor had to give me progesterone tablets to artificially trigger my period.

This month we did everything right. I even summoned DH home early from work to DTD because I was ovulating. I've been eating healthily, losing weight, I thought we had a really good chance, but it's CD25 of my 29 day cycle and I have now had spotting for 3 days. It's like last month all over again and I'm just fed up.

So AIBU to give up TTC? It's not working and it's making me depressed each month. I am going to be 39 in October and our time is running out anyway. Maybe I should just give up and forget it, live with DH and our cats and try to be happy without a baby Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Secretlifeofme · 06/05/2018 09:54

I should add that we are a very happy couple, so it wouldn't be the end of the world I suppose not to have a child, but I do really want one :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Secretlifeofme · 06/05/2018 10:06

Anyone?

OP posts:
Bodicea · 06/05/2018 10:15

Sorry for you losses. I know how dispiriting it is. I had an mc and a chemical Pregnancy before I got my first baby. But the fact I could get pregnant relatively quickly I tried to see as a major plus. You haven’t been trying all that long in
Comparison to a lot of people so I think it’s far too early to throw In the towel.
Maybe you just need to take a break. I never wanted too. I think I would have found it harder. The only thing I did do was stop focusing so much on when I was ovulating and just had lots of regular sex every couple e of days particularly straight after my period. It’s easy to miss your window if you wait for ovulation.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 06/05/2018 10:19

Have you looked in to other options like adoption or surrogacy,

Sometimes when you want to conceive so much it can have the opposite effect, e.g when you hear stories of people trying conceive for years, then choosing to adopt or surrogacy, and because they are no longer deliberately trying to conceive it can happen naturally as a surprise...

But if you really want to be a mother, look into adoption too, there's so many babies and children who would love to be part of your family through adoption Grin

Original poster
Secretlifeofme · 06/05/2018 10:19

Thanks for the reply Bodicea. I guess we haven't been trying all that long on the grand scale of things, but because of my age I am very conscious of the time ticking by. Maybe we should try having more sex and not focusing so much on ovulation, although it's hard for me not to, because I always have really bad ovulation pain, so it's obvious!

OP posts:
Original poster
Secretlifeofme · 06/05/2018 10:21

Thanks Elderflower. We have discussed adoption but sadly it's not something that is possible for us, as DH is 18 years older than me and is too old to adopt.

OP posts:
Queenio24 · 06/05/2018 10:23

I tried for 18 months, then 'gave up' as we had a holiday booked. So I didn't focus on cycle, didn't take temperature etc, didn't have to DTD on certain days. Guess what, pregnant the next month. The doctor laughed when I told him. Sometimes it's better to relax a bit if you can - good luck op.

flumpybear · 06/05/2018 10:28

This sounds very much like me - I got success using both Angus castus and high concentrations of evening primrose oil (to ovulation only with EPO) took me just under, then just over two years each to fall pregnant with both my children with lots of miscarriages and Chem preg in between

Original poster
Secretlifeofme · 06/05/2018 10:28

Thanks Queenio. The thing is, I have been quite relaxed, at least compared to how I used to be, so I thought that might help too. It's impossible to relax fully though because you can't exactly ignore your body!

OP posts:
Bodicea · 06/05/2018 10:28

Sorry if am teaching to suck eggs but If you wait for ovulation you only get one chance before the egg dies. If you have sex a lot in the run up you give yourself a much bigger chance because sperm can love quite a few days.

Bodicea · 06/05/2018 10:29

It can love but can live as well!!!

isthismummy · 06/05/2018 10:29

AIBU might not be the best place for this op. You might be better asking to have it moved to infertility. On here you'll get the people telling you to adopt, relax, not think about it and similar annoying bollocks.

Have you had any fertility investigations?

I am sorry you are going through thisFlowers I struggled with infertility for three years and I'm now pregnant with egg donor twins. There are options and I would say it's far too early to throw in the towel just yetFlowers

Original poster
Secretlifeofme · 06/05/2018 10:29

Thanks flumpybear. I've read about Angus castus and evening primrose oil - maybe that's something else I could try.

OP posts:
isthismummy · 06/05/2018 10:31

Relaxing has zero impact on your fertility op. There is no medical evidence to prove it makes any difference.

Infertility is a medical issue. Would anyone tell a cancer patient they needed to relax and stop thinking about it to get better?

Original poster
Secretlifeofme · 06/05/2018 10:31

Thanks isthismummy. We have had tests and all has come back normal. Whenever I go to the gynecologist she remarks on my thick uterine lining and how good everything looks ConfusedGrin so there is no apparent reason

OP posts:
Imbluedabadee · 06/05/2018 10:31

So sorry op, it's not fair that some people get and stay pregnant easily while some really struggle Thanks

Has your gp referred you for tests? I know someone who really struggled and they eventually found that she had a blood clotting disorder that was causing her to miscarry, she had to give herself daily injections but she now has 2 children.

TheHonSaucyJane · 06/05/2018 10:32

Has your husband been tested, OP? If he's in his mid 50's, it's possible that his sperm might need a bit of help?

Flowers
FASH84 · 06/05/2018 10:32

I feel for you OP. We've not been trying long I came off the pill in January but I know I have PCOS and will struggle. SIL has just announced baby two, she came off the pill same time as me (we were all on holiday together and we'd both decided we didn't want random periods etc while away). I'm so happy for them but I'm scared it'll never happen for us. I had one normal cycle 31 days after my last pill breakthrough bleed, and it gave me hope. I've had nothing since 76 days later. Only you can make the right call for you.

isthismummy · 06/05/2018 10:37

What tests have you had specifically op?

Sperm analysis? 21 day bloods? FSH/LH etc? Have you been referred to a fertility unit or just seen at your local GP?

You do need to be pushy about these things. Especially when time is against you. Could you afford to go private if needs be?

TheTroublesomestTribble · 06/05/2018 10:37

Elderflower, I'm sure you didn't intend it, but your post is just overflowing with 'things not to say to someone experiencing fertility issues'.

Op, I'm sorry you're struggling, have you been to either your gp, or a fertility specialist to have preliminary tests? These will probably give you additional information to assist you in making decisions.

I'd suggest doing this asap, as at 39 you do still have time, but any later and the chances of success diminish fairly rapidly. I know a lot of people suggest taking a break, not stressing etc which is good advice at 25, but really poor at your age.

If it comes to it, assisted conception (once you're over the initial psychological hurdle) is nowhere near as bad as it is made out to be.

It is perfectly valid and reasonable to want to have your own biological DCs and many routes to get there if that's what you and your DH choose.

Both my DCs are ivf babies and the actual process of how they were conceived has just faded into the background of family life, despite it being a huge, category 1 problem at the time.

Good luck Flowers

isthismummy · 06/05/2018 10:38

Has your thyroid been tested also?

I'd strongly recommend a book called "taking charge of your fertility" (if you haven't already got it of courseSmile)

Shouldileavethedogs · 06/05/2018 10:39

Apparently the missionary position is best then if you orgasm after it sucks the sperm upwards. You probably know this anyway. When I was trying this along with sex each morning it worked. I was 42 and had another at 44. All natural. Don't give up.

TheTroublesomestTribble · 06/05/2018 10:42

X post.

Would you consider a round or 2 of ivf? It can't do you any harm, and might well do the trick for you.

What is your AMH/Antral Follicle Count? Did your DH have a semen analysis?

I'd urge you to crack on thOugh, there's really nothing to be afraid of and the sooner you start, the sooner the whole process will be behind you and you can enjoy family life.

TheTroublesomestTribble · 06/05/2018 10:43

...but should that makes you a total statistical outlier, op shouldn't pin her hopes on also being one of the tiny number of women who can still conceive at 44!

Shouldileavethedogs · 06/05/2018 10:46

Trouble......no no of course she shouldn't. I apologise as it wasn't ment that way. Just there is hope.