AIBU to feel like giving up? :(

[Secretlifeofme]

DH and I have now been TTC since September 2016. I've had two miscarriages and a chemical pregnancy. Since my chemical pregnancy in January this year, my cycles seem to have got shorter and I also have had spotting for several days before AF begins, which gets my hopes up (because I think it's implantation bleeding) and then dashes them again. Last month I had spotting for a whole week but no AF and the doctor had to give me progesterone tablets to artificially trigger my period.

This month we did everything right. I even summoned DH home early from work to DTD because I was ovulating. I've been eating healthily, losing weight, I thought we had a really good chance, but it's CD25 of my 29 day cycle and I have now had spotting for 3 days. It's like last month all over again and I'm just fed up.

So AIBU to give up TTC? It's not working and it's making me depressed each month. I am going to be 39 in October and our time is running out anyway. Maybe I should just give up and forget it, live with DH and our cats and try to be happy without a baby

Definitely follow up with your GP etc and get all the necessary medical assistance you can.

I struggled with my eldest so I sympathise. It wasn't as long as yourself, but it felt like forever at the time. I do think having something else you can throw your energy and time into as a distraction can help with the mental struggle of TTC. As well as making doing the deed as much fun as physically possible so it doesn't become a chore/strain.

In your position (and I was in your position) I would find myself a good fertility acupuncturist. I know Zita West lists then on her website but obviously do a good google too.

The best thing you can do to aidconception is lengthen your cycles. My acupuncturist changed them from 23 days to 28 days in three months, and I fell pregnant. It’s not cheap but time isnot on your side. Invest in it now.

Have you tried taking coq10? And I think you should get your dp to take a men's conception vitamin. It can't do any harm.

Wow, thanks all. We have had all the tests mentioned except for the sperm analysis. Because I have got pregnant three times in less than two years, the gynae thinks this is not necessary? (I should mention that I don't live in the UK, so maybe advice and procedures here are different - can anyone advise on whether sperm analysis would still be recommended by a UK doctor in my situation?) I am lucky enough to have private Healthcare paid for to some extent by my employer, so I do feel as though I am being well looked after.

We have discussed IVF bit we decided against it on the basis that I don't seem to have much of a problem getting pregnant, it's staying pregnant that's the challenge, so IVF would only get us to the stage that we can get to by ourselves IYSWIM.

Just to add I’m now 43, fell pregnant at 42 when my periods had come back post partum to 28 days. Unfortunately the baby had a chromosome issue which meant I had to terminate. We started TTC once my periods were back and unfortunately my cycle is once again at 23-25 days with no BFP since. I’m taking Vitex and B6 with co enzyme Q10 but it’s really made no difference to my cycle length sadly. As this is my bonus baby after having two I’m just not willing to go back to spending £200 a week on acupuncture BUT if I was trying to conceive e my first on second I’d do it in a heart beat.

OP. My auntie couldn't carry. She had something called a stitch put in. She successfully carried 2 after that. en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cervical_cerclage

OP I’ve been where you are and the I’m sure well intentioned people telling me to ‘relax and it will happen’ used to make me feel like doing something violent. If I had been relaxed before I certainly wasn’t after being told that. I was pretty relaxed for the first few years of the 7 or 8 years we tried. It makes no difference. Or the other thing was being told ‘why don’t you just adopt’. Not sure about the UK but here in Ireland adoption is a difficult, arduous process with no guarantees, and not simply like walking into a rescue centre with children, arms outstretched simply waiting to be picked. The people who suggest either of these things have obviously have not experienced infertility.

In the end IVF worked for us, on the 6th go (when I was 40, nearly 41) and we have recently had our second DC. Good luck with whatever you decide, whether that is choosing a life filled with other things that make you happy or choosing to pursue a child or children. I hope you’re happy either way.

Apologies about the lack of paragraphs!

I would have your DH tested for sperm fragmentation op. Higher levels of fragmentation can be linked to miscarriage.

It's also worth baring in mind that egg quality reduces with age. At 39 your egg quality is likely to be reduced. That doesn't necessarily mean you have no good eggs left. Just that it could take longer to hit the jackpot.

I agree IVF may not be the solution at this point as you can get pregnant. It's just staying that way that's proving an issue.

I had difficulty conceiving. Nothing happened for years. In the end I did ivf and dd at 37. I had a barrage of tests. More than you. But then I never managed to get pregnant in the first place. So I’d have needed different tests.

Has the gynaecologist looked into why you are miscarrying? Are you definitely with the correct gynaecologist to investigate this? Different ones have different areas of expertise.

I do understand your anguish and pain at wanting to have a child. Only you can decide if you want to give in. In reality, 2 years of trying isn’t long. It’s the miscarriages, which must be gruelling and your age, which will be starting to count against you.

Have you had any tests specifically around recurrent mc ( a 'chemical pregnancy' counts as a mc - but as you're not in the UK (where are you?) the 3-consecutive-mc rule may not apply anyway)? Blood tests for clotting factors, uterine biopsy for NK cells?

I had one miscarriage before my first baby, another two before my second and (after a gap of some years) another three before my third, who was born when I was 38. I did have tests and clotting factors were found, but because I'd also carried to term with them present and had my last two mcs on heparin, there was really little rhyme or reason to my final pregnancy continuing.

Oh, we also had a karyotype done, particularly when the fifth mc proved to have been down to a fairly rare chromosomal issue, but nothing came back there. And I was on heparin throughout my pregnancy with dd - as I said, I will never know, but it may have helped.

You can't "think" yourself out of conceiving by wanting "to conceive so much it can have the opposite effect" ffs. What a pile of shite.

OP, I'd go and see a consultant - if waiting lists in your area aren't too bad then try the NHS, if not have a look at what private fertility clinics are within travelling distance. There are various different drugs and procedures available to help you sustain a pregnancy.

Sorry for your losses and good luck.

I would second Anelderlylady reoccurant miscarriage investigations are definitely required.

The irregular cycles are very very likely to be contributing here as well. It's quite likely you will be ovulating at erratic times or sometimes not ovulating at all (ovulation pains alone are not a sure indicator of this) plus short cycles usually mean early ovulation which is not good from a ttc point of view.

Op don't let age stop you...there are several countries for international adoption that have no upper age limit for their adoption requirements