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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not pay for fence?

70 replies

Takingafence · 05/05/2018 19:23

New NDN - not even in house yet- mentioned months ago in passing he wanted to make fence higher. He asked DH if he would contribute to which DH demurred and evaded answer.

Now after months - and still no fence- have received a quote from NDN itemizing bill. It's too much for us and tbh we already have a fence just not high enough for NDN. To put it in to context we installed new lower fence a few years ago and didn't ask our old neighbour for money as it was us who wanted the fence. Used to be a hedge there and too much maintenance. AIBU?

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 05/05/2018 19:50

Just tell them that you are not spending any money on new fencing at the present time because you are quite happy with the fence that you already have . At the same time I’d tell him that you want your fence left intact so if he wants to put up a higher fence it will need to be put alongside the existing fence on his side .

TheFirstMrsOsmond · 05/05/2018 19:53

We have a walled garden and some years ago wanted to rebuild a section of the wall which was unsightly from our side. We asked the neighbour whose property was on the other side if it was OK with her, but we did not ask her to pay anything towards it because it was our choice to do so and the wall was not in a state of disrepair, just a bit ugly for us to look at.

So if you are happy with the current fence, I don't think you should have to pay for him to have a slightly higher fence - that's just his preference and he must pay for it

Original poster
Takingafence · 05/05/2018 19:54

The thing is he can do the job at cost as that is his trade but he still asked us to contribute!

OP posts:
HisBetterHalf · 05/05/2018 19:56

Who's side of the fence is it? If you look out of your back window the fence on the right is your responsibility

Not always, our deeds state shared ownership

BlackBat · 05/05/2018 19:57

And the owner of the fence usually has the messy bit on their side, nice side facing neighbour.

Usually but not always. One of the neighbours on our road waited until the day her next door neighbour moved and the new people had yet to move in before turning the fence round so she had the nice side facing her on both left and right!

Flexoset · 05/05/2018 19:58

That's his trade?!

Being a CF is also his trade, then....

PlumsGalore · 05/05/2018 19:59

I wouldn't, say you can't afford it and are happy with the current arrangement but if he wants to put one alongside yours you have no objection.

Both us and next door wanted different fences with the nice bit facing our own gardens, so we have back to back fences. They look absolutely fine and a good solid structure dividing our properties.

Original poster
Takingafence · 05/05/2018 20:04

Thanks for the unanimous responses. Nice to know iANBU. It's a thorny issue though as we will be NDN.

OP posts:
freddomonster · 05/05/2018 20:14

I agree with pps comment about making sure he leaves your fence intact. He sounds like a CF and wouldn't surprise me if he pinched a bit of your garden in the process!!

freddomonster · 05/05/2018 20:16

Don't worry op. It shouldn't be an issue at all.

He's asked, you've both had time to consider with the costs in front of you and now you are confirming that you are happy with the current situation but don't have any issues with them putting new fencing on their side.

Original poster
Takingafence · 05/05/2018 20:17

He can't as deeds clearly show boundaries. More worried he will object to footballs being kicked into his garden as that what DC play in garden.

OP posts:
SmashedMug · 05/05/2018 20:23

It's a thorny issue though as we will be NDN.

You don't want to start off on the wrong foot but equally you don't want to start off with giving him the impression you are both easily swayed or he will push push push the entire time you live next to him. Better to start off with him thinking you can't be easily intimidated than thinking you can!

RandomMess · 05/05/2018 20:26

I think my response is very reasonable - you're happy with the low fence but accept they want to install a high one. It's no big deal.

JacquesHammer · 05/05/2018 20:27

More worried he will object to footballs being kicked into his garden as that what DC play in garden

Well that would be a reasonable thing to object to....

Original poster
Takingafence · 05/05/2018 20:31

I know he is a CF. Got a few neighbours backs up with other issues. Start as we mean to go on. Can't believe cheek of some people.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takingafence · 05/05/2018 20:35

Sorry I know footballs are an issue and asked D.C. to be careful. Old NDN deliberately wanted lower fence so D.C. could clamber over to collect ball Smile

OP posts:
woollyheart · 05/05/2018 22:54

Maybe you do need to have a higher fence to stop footballs going over and to stop your child trespassing? If so, it might be sensible to contribute.

OreoMini · 05/05/2018 23:08

Just tell him no you already have a fence. If he wants it higher then he can do it on his side and pay.

Fruitcorner123 · 05/05/2018 23:52

OP according to mumsnet its the height of rudeness to accidentally kick your ball into the neighbours garden. My mum sometimes had 4 balls in her garden in a day but she didn't mind. She was pleased to hear the children playing outside and happy to let them come and collect their balls. Funny how in real life most people are far less grumpy than on mumsnet.

MaryPoppinsBloomers · 06/05/2018 08:39

First week in our new house and NDN asked about replacing a dodgy wall in the back. Both had DC and wall unsafe plus neither could afford/manage to do it alone. Balls returned on both sides as and when. Previous owners (our house) refused help and permission for wall and refused to return NDN kid's balls.

We split cost of new wall because it suited us too - wouldn't have otherwise. In my experience NDN with kids are more accommoding over balls being kicked over. You can't expect others to be the same. If they will be unhappy about balls coming over you may have to compromise.

insancerre · 06/05/2018 08:43

Just tell him you are happy with your current fence but if he wants to erect his own then that's fine but you won't be contributing and he mustn't touch your fence

ivykaty44 · 06/05/2018 08:48

You don’t have to put a fence up at all if you don’t want to...

If NDN wants to put a fence up let them at their expense
www.boundary-problems.co.uk/boundary-problems/fences.html

Good website which covers laws on boundries

SeaCabbage · 06/05/2018 09:57

I don't see the issue. Just say you are happy with the fence you have got so sorry you won't be contributing to a new one.

PetulantPolecat · 06/05/2018 10:06

No Fruit, on MN you just found not everyone liked to have balls flying at them while they enjoy their private garden. Maybe your mum was never in her garden, but I wouldn’t tolerate being hit with a football while I’m in mine!

OP, contribute for higher fence or don’t have your kids kicking balls next door. I’d be livid if you refused to contribute to a higher fence because you wanted your kids to be able
to trespass into my garden. Shock

Foslady · 06/05/2018 10:25

If you’re concerned about footballs could you put some garden netting up?

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