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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mildly insulted at this comment from MIL?

38 replies

LisaSimpsonsbff · 05/05/2018 18:27

DH has a great relationship with his parents, and I also get on really well with them. They're lovely people who have been very generous to us in lots of ways. We live 40 minutes from them, and see them every two to three weeks, depending (they go on a lot of holidays). DH is an only child and I'm seven months pregnant with our first child. We saw them today and MIL started chatting to me about them thinking about moving into a more suitable home as they get older. I asked whether they'd want to stay in the same small town as currently. She said 'Well, we'd always said we'd move to [literally the other end of England] but it's different now because...' I nod, expecting comment about prospective grandchild 'we have our walking club. I'd be sad to move away from that. We don't have any other ties keeping us in the area, but we really want to stay within easy reach of that'. Now, I'm pleased they have their own lives - we wouldn't want to be the centre of their universe - but AIBU to be a bit insulted by this?! No ties at all?!

In case not clear - am more amused than genuinely insulted, and definitely not considering doing anything to wreck our excellent relationship over one weird comment - but it was a really weird comment, right?!

OP posts:
mercurymaze · 05/05/2018 18:29

Maybe she didn't want to sound too overbearing I wouldn't worry about it

Justmuddlingalong · 05/05/2018 18:30

But they live 40 minutes from you. I think she meant they now had a tie to the actual town they live in currently.

Original poster
LisaSimpsonsbff · 05/05/2018 18:35

But this was the reason why they wouldn't move to the other end of the country, not why they'd stay in their small town - to which the answer was they wouldn't, but they want to be within a half hour drive of it for the walkers group - and all the places they were considering are the other side to us, ie nearly twice as far away!

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 05/05/2018 18:38

Will you see them more often than every 2 or 3 weeks when the baby arrives?

SandAndSea · 05/05/2018 18:38

Maybe she thinks her connection with you guys goes without saying and didn't want to be overbearing?

crunchtime · 05/05/2018 18:38

When I was pregnant with my in laws second grandchild.... ( they only have my two) they moved to a country so far away that visiting wasn't really a prospect. When we asked when we would see them they said that they hadn't thought about it.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/05/2018 18:40

It's a bit of a strange thing to say I agree OP. I wonder if she said it absentmindedly? She might get home and think " oops wtf did I say that for! " Grin

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 05/05/2018 18:41

I think your being over sensitive tbh op. My mil called ds (2yrs old) a spoilt brat today so I'd coincided yourself lucky.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 05/05/2018 18:41

Judging by recent ils threads you may be happy they are making plans to move!!
Seriously, seeing them less frequently will give you more freedom with dh +dc!!
But agree I would be miffed.
I once suggested my dm move to the same small area as us and she declared they was nowt there!!

SoupDragon · 05/05/2018 18:52

I would have laughed :)

UserV · 05/05/2018 18:54

YANBU to be a bit miffed but I don't think she meant anything by it. Prob just wasn't thinking.

CONGRATS on your new baby on the way.

BTW, you could have said 'hey you have US to stay for too...' with a HUGE smile.. Grin

Maybe next time......

BlueSuffragette · 05/05/2018 18:55

Think your hormones are making you more sensitive. No harm done, could be worse, you could have PIL in wine glass thread. Smile

Huffinpuff · 05/05/2018 18:59

In my experience grandparents rarely have mutually-rewarding personal contact with their grandchildren, particularly once the children are past the baby/toddler stage. Perhaps your in-laws are just being realistic.

Viviennemary · 05/05/2018 19:10

I think you have overthought this remark. They meant they didn't have ties to the area they are living in now.

HildaZelda · 05/05/2018 19:11

I wish my MIL would move to the other end of the country!

Namesallgone18 · 05/05/2018 19:13

What a strange post, Huffin. It might be your experience but that hardly makes it "realistic" for all.

sallythesheep73 · 05/05/2018 19:14

I think you are overthinking this...

We moved to live 10 mins near my parents in the middle of nowhere and after 5 years and my mother being ill they have moved 2 hours away to live in a town with a hospital and my sister! I was / am gutted but they are very happy.

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 05/05/2018 19:20

Well I would be insulted and probably have said "oh thanks a lot!" Hmm

Huffinpuff · 05/05/2018 19:21

Namesallgone18 Of course there are exceptions, but I think most people would agree with me.
The huge gulf between a teenager and his/her grandparents can be particularly painful to observe.

Original poster
LisaSimpsonsbff · 05/05/2018 19:21

Ok, will accept that either I was overthinking it or (and I think this is more likely) that, as greatduck says she had a bit of a moment where what she was saying came out a bit wrong! I guess the one reason it worries me a little is that I have sometimes suspected that they think we're closer to my family than them, and that they might be a bit worried about being pushed out and so preempting that, but I think that really is overthinking on my part!

OP posts:
TheFirstMrsOsmond · 05/05/2018 19:34

Perhaps she is assuming that when the baby is born you will be closer to your own mother than to her? And she is indicating she understands that and accepts it?

Cornishclio · 05/05/2018 19:34

Yes, it is a strange comment. Are they excited about being grandparents?

Some people are weird about it and think if they live too close to their AC and GC they may be called on to babysit a lot and they don't want to. Are you planning to return to work and will you be asking if they can do any childcare? Perhaps they are pre empting you and letting you know they don't want to do any.

Maybe when they said no ties they meant no ties to the town they currently live in which presumably you don't. I would just ignore it anyway as you have a good relationship with them.

Original poster
LisaSimpsonsbff · 05/05/2018 19:41

Yes, they do seem excited about the baby - and have been very generous about gifts (bought the cot). We have no intention of asking them to provide childcare and hope they aren't worried that we will!

OP posts:
CalF123 · 05/05/2018 19:49

@Huffinpuff

"huge gulf between teenagers and their grandparents"- utter nonsense.
Most teenagers have a great relationship with their grandparents. I dread to think what relationship you had with yours if you describe interaction as "painful".

CalF123 · 05/05/2018 19:51

In answer to the OP, I agree with Justmuddlingalong in that I think she may have been referring to them having no ties in that particular town by 'this area'.