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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ignore wishes of best man?

46 replies

harrypotternerd · 05/05/2018 03:50

Hi,
so my fiance and I are getting married next year. We mentioned to the best man in passing that we were looking at photographers and he told us of this person he knows, he told us she was just starting out with her photography business but she was really good. He gave us hr facebook page and I liked the photos so sent a message to the photographer.

The photographer costs almost double the amount of one of the other ones we were looking at, so we have decided to go with the other person because of our budget.

Best Man is now offended and told us we should have gone with his friend and he was doing us a favour by being in our wedding so we should be doing him a favour.
who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
categed · 05/05/2018 04:08

Your best man is bu. Unless he hires himself out as a best man then he has no right to expect any reciprocal favours, such as telling the bride nd groom what suppliers to use. I would seriously consider, due to his response, replacing him.

maras2 · 05/05/2018 04:10

He needs to get over himself.Your wedding,your budget your choice.
Looking forward to the next instalment of CF Bestmanzilla Grin

Original poster
harrypotternerd · 05/05/2018 04:21

bestmanzilla, I love it! fiance has said he is seriously thinking of asking one of his other friends because it is added stress we do not need. He has been very involved in the wedding planning (at first I thought it was nice) but he has made several of his opinions quite clear.

one of the other things he mentioned is during our ceremony we are lighting a candle for my parents, who have both passed away but he has said we shouldn't do it because it is 'too depressing'. He changed his mind when we told him it was the celebrants idea.

OP posts:
HappenedForAReisling · 05/05/2018 04:21

He's doing you a favour?

Tell him to feel free to not be part of the wedding if it's that much hassle.

HappenedForAReisling · 05/05/2018 04:24

If he's paying then he gets to choose.

He sounds like a pain in the arse.

endofthelinefinally · 05/05/2018 04:28

He will only get more demanding and difficult. Your fiance needs to make a decision.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/05/2018 04:45

Being someone's best man is not "doing them a favour." What a jackass.

userabcname · 05/05/2018 07:19

Ooh I've never heard of a Bestmanzilla before! He sounds like an absolute CF to be honest - I would tell him you appreciate his advice and suggestions but you will be having your day your way! Has he been married before? He sounds overly invested in your day tbh.

TheMasterNotMargarita · 05/05/2018 07:22

WTAF? That's rather intense for a best man. If he can't keep his opinions to himself I'd sack him.

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 05/05/2018 07:25

He’s been watching too much Don’t Tell The Bride

Angrybird345 · 05/05/2018 07:26

I’d tell him where to go!

user1493413286 · 05/05/2018 07:26

He’s doing you a favour?! I know being best man or bridesmaid requires doing a few extra things but I’ve been honoured to be a bridesmaid on the occasions I have.
I also think he doesn’t understand the concept of recommending a friend; just because he says it to you doesn’t mean you have to go with them as the world would be a bit odd if that’s how it worked

Ohyesiam · 05/05/2018 07:27

Ask him to pay the difference then. And call him bestmanzilla while you do.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 05/05/2018 07:28

What is 'best' about this man??

DartmoorDoughnut · 05/05/2018 07:28

Oh god I’m so sorry but this made me chuckle! What a total loon!

Honeyroar · 05/05/2018 07:31

He sounds a pompous nightmare! Tell him you're sorry that he's offended, but you feel like he's putting a downer on your planning with all his criticism and perhaps it's better if he steps down.

Can you imagine what his speech would be like! He'd probably witter on and on thinking he was funny when in reality everyone was bored to death!

Nodnol · 05/05/2018 07:32

He is beyond unreasonable! Who is he to decide lighting candles at YOUR wedding for YOUR parents is stupid. What a wanker.

DF needs to have a think about who his real friends are, because this Bestmanzilla needs to go.

And the candle idea is beautiful OP.

implantsandaDyson · 05/05/2018 07:35

Oh he's made me giggle too - clueless eejit. If your fiance thinks he might continue in this ridiculous vein I'd be tempted to shift him.
On a different note I've been to a wedding ceremony where they lit candles for the bride's parents, it was lovely and not at all depressing.

misskatamari · 05/05/2018 07:35

Ugh, he sounds annoying and way too involved. I'd definitely be tempted to change bestman if he's making your lives more stressful. He needs to remember it's your wedding not his, he really does not get a say in things!

CosmicSpider · 05/05/2018 07:35

We had a bestmanzilla. DH, him and I met up after they had been suits shopping. DH wanted to show me what suits they had picked out, and despite me protesting that I didn't want to know, he showed me and asked my opinion. Well, they were horrible! I told them, tactfully I thought, that the colour would clash with our already picked colours and the style was a bit dated.

The best man threw a strop. Declared me an utter bitch, and pulled out. He said he could not support a marriage where we were obviously so incompatible! He would not be best man, and certainly not attending Confused

Get rid!

Bananamanfan · 05/05/2018 07:36

He has a funny idea about what being a best man is. He also sounds like an utter dick! Kick bestmanzilla to the kerb. Grin

speakout · 05/05/2018 07:37

Being a best man is an honour.
Being a best man is not doing the couple a favour.

I'd find another best man.

MrsMozart · 05/05/2018 07:39

Ditto Speakout.

Hope you have a lovely wedding.

SimonBridges · 05/05/2018 07:45

Surely the best man is the groom saying to his friend that he consider the BM to be his closest and dearest friend. It’s an honour, not a favour.

Jaxinthebox · 05/05/2018 07:48

bestmanzilla - is a twat. Ditch him or get your OH to have a short, sharp word or 10!

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