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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To beg for help with my crying baby!!

53 replies

TheHonSaucyJane · 04/05/2018 10:38

DD2 is 5 and a half weeks and does three things: sleep, eat - and cry. If she's awake and not feeding, she's crying pretty much all the time. She cries when you hold her; she cries when you walk around with her; she cries when you sit her upright; she cries when you wind her; she cries when you put her in the bouncy chair; she cries when you put her on the playgym... no sign of any smiles yet, that's for sure . The health visitor pulled a cat's bum face on Monday when I said she hadn't smiled yet and said she'd come back to check next week.

The constant screaming is beginning to wear me down and make me feel like I'm failing her.

She's a pretty good sleeper at night and is happy to lie flat on her back in the cot. She doesn't spit up much, and she doesn't arch her back or pull up her legs, so I don't really think it can be reflux or too much wind. She's EBF and we give her infacol (although I've never known if it works or if it's a parental placebo!). However she's not great at settling during the day, unless it's back in her quiet cot (my first slept anywhere and everywhere and through anything during the day, but was awake all night).

I'm beginning to panic that she just hates the world and everything in it. Did anyone else have a baby like this, and did they stop crying and start smiling any time soon-ish?

OP posts:

TwittleBee · 04/05/2018 10:45

I wouldn't worry about not smiling yet, babies don't tend to smile properly till 2 months. Anything before that is most likely wind or just testing out muscles.

Bless you though feeling worn down by all the crying! I would too must be draining for you (and her!). If she sleeps well at night and prefers her quiet night then I would assume that maybe there is just too much stimulation for her currently during the day. She's been in a nice warm womb with the same sounds going on for past 9 months and now she's in an explosion of new experiences for her senses.

Heatherbell1978 · 04/05/2018 10:49

This was my DD who is now 14 months. DS was quite a chilled baby so it came as a bit of a shock.
My DD also used to sleep ok at night (around 4 hour stretches waking to feed then back to sleep) and also slept quite well in the day (I found she napped longer than DS did at an earlier age).
Likewise she was never sick so reflux could be ruled out but she did have quite a lot of smelly sulphur like wind after feeding so I think there was something going on colic-wise.
I know it's hard to hear but she'll grow out of it...I managed to implement a bedtime routine when she was about 8 weeks which took time but we got our evenings back. During the day I found she was happy in the buggy so we walked a lot and when she slept I took time out. I practically forced a dummy on her too (she wasn't keen at first) as I know she needed something to help soothe.

MaryShelley1818 · 04/05/2018 10:50

It sounds like colic if she’s crying that much. You have my utmost sympathy, it’s absolutely hell.
Our pfb DS was born in December and was crying for 6/7 solid hrs every evening , I was suicidal. I used to just sit and sob, and both me and DP felt we’d made a huge mistake and ruined our lives (I feel tremendously guilty saying that). However we tried Colief drops and it was literally an instant miracle cure! He didn’t exhibit signs of Colic ever again from that first drop!
He’s now almost 5mths old and an absolute delight, he’s the most pleasant little boy and always smiling and laughing.
It will get better x

DeadGood · 04/05/2018 10:50

I think you're at maximum crying stage right now OP! 6 weeks is the classic apex of the crying curve. (Just what you need when the sleep deprivation is really starting to catch up with you...)

Don't worry about the smiling thing. Very early days. Put some ear plugs in and ask around in case any of your friends have the vibrating chair thingy, or a baby swing, that you can borrow. Good luck x

pudcat · 04/05/2018 10:52

If she likes her cot let her sleep there during the day until she is a bit older and ready for more stimulation. She still has time to smile, HV is expecting too much.

turtlesone · 04/05/2018 11:16

Will she take a dummy? Might help to sooth her.
Agree with other posters, don't worry about her not smiling. I was the same as had had no smiles by the 6 week check but now they are very smiley!

Rikalaily · 04/05/2018 11:19

Could she be sore somewhere from the birth? If she is more settled laying flat then she may have some pain somewhere which is eased when she is laying down. Maybe try an osteopath?

OneStepSideways · 04/05/2018 11:31

Mine was the same! She cried most of the time she wasn't asleep/feeding. I cried at a baby class because all the other babies were cooing on their mats and mine was wailing non stop!

Around 3 months she became slightly happier and by 4 months she was crying a lot less. Once she could sit in a Bumbo she was happier still. The Jumparoo was a godsend! She was still more emotional than other babies but also more alert and inquisitive. She crawled early and was cruising by 8 months. Once she starting walking and talking her personality was transformed!

She's now almost 3 and a happy, bubbly, excitable child. She's very curious and always exploring, asking questions. She's quite highly strung and I think this was evident right from birth, she just couldn't express it before. She has high energy and a low tolerance for boredom/frustration.

Hang in there OP it will get better!

Original poster

TheHonSaucyJane · 04/05/2018 11:35

Thanks all - I think it doesn't help that I am tired and only 5 weeks post c-section but also with a very active toddler. So I immediately jump to panicking that she has some sort of sensory issues or painful dairy allergy and that she's miserable all the time. Whereas I guess it's far more likely that some babies just cry!

I've got the 6 week GP check next week so will ask the GP if things haven't improved, but it's v cheering to hear that some people's babies did cheer up!!

OP posts:

owl89 · 04/05/2018 11:40

OP I really feel for you. This was my DS at that age. He suddenly stopped with the constant crying at 8 weeks and life seemed alot better and easier from then on. Hang in there. I know it's bloody awful.

singingpinkmonkey · 04/05/2018 11:46

Don't worry OP. My baby was exactly the same (He is 15 months old now).
I was constantly posting on here as I thought he hated me. I was so upset and worried.
He screamed constantly and never seemed happy. I tried everything I could think of but nothing seemed to help. He particularly hated me hugging him and skin-to-skin.

I still don't know what the problem was. I took him to the doctors several times as I suspected reflux but they didn't seem to agree.
It gradually got better and he is such a happy little boy. He even hugged me of his own accord today and he doesn't do that often.

It will get better. I know the tricky times seem to last a lifetime but I promise you this too shall pass.

Xxx

MoMandaS · 04/05/2018 11:51

I second the Colief suggestion. It might also be that she needs less simulation than being around a busy toddler automatically gives her! My champion cryer got better from around 6 months, and vastly improved when I got him a Jumperoo at 7 months. That thing truly saved my sanity!

kitkatsky · 04/05/2018 11:55

I had an utterly miserable baby who cried constantly. She's now a happy 6yo who is almost always smiling. Looking back, I think I was so tense about being a new mum and not being able to stop her crying that she was feeding off my energy and being even more miserable. This might not be case for you, but you're an utter hero if you're not feeling worn down by it all! Don't forget it's fine to put them in their cots to cry while you have a break if it's feeling too much.

ittakes2 · 04/05/2018 12:02

I recommend cranial osteopathy. But find someone who is trained to work with babies. The birth process is difficult on babies - scrunches up all parts of their bodies - tight necks lead to squashed nerves etc. Cranial osteopathy calms them down instantly. If you have health insurance, sometimes they are prepared to pay for it.

kaytee87 · 04/05/2018 12:04

Have you tried a dummy?
Are there any times of day when she's happier?
My ds was relatively happy in the morning as a newborn then cried more and more as the day went on.

Newkidontheblock22 · 04/05/2018 12:12

Do you have anyone who could give you a break? Someone who can hold the baby for a bit just to give you some time away from constant crying. Babies can sense stress and if her crying is making you stressed, this could be circling round.

It will pass, it may be that she has colic but it may just be an age thing. Is she definitely getting enough sleep?

Eatmycheese · 04/05/2018 12:18

Google tiger in a tree hold.
It saved my sanity with DD and DS2.

And it does pass. 💐

TwittleBee · 04/05/2018 12:21

good shout actually Eatmycheese totally forgot how DH used to do that with DS! Really did work wonders for us

Original poster

TheHonSaucyJane · 04/05/2018 12:22

I should have added - I'm very lucky in that DP is a SAHD for our toddler, so he's here all day with me, and is v hands on with the baby. So it's not like I'm home alone. It's just so disheartening that she seems so angry and sad all the time. I dread her waking up when this should be a lovely time :(

OP posts:

TrappedWind · 04/05/2018 12:27

Oh yes, mine was exactly like this. He was a real misery and hated everything. I had every health check done to make sure it wasn't anything any physical, he fed well and was content in that respect, but he just wasn't a laid back, sunny type of baby. He also cried whilst being held, in the sling, in the pushchair, in the bouncer, in the car, he screamed for months until he mastered crawling, he then screamed for months because he wanted to walk and couldn't! He then screamed and cried because he wanted to talk and couldn't! He was basically a very frustrated baby.

It was a very tough time indeed!

Things got easier from the age of 2. He talked very early and was talking in full sentences before he turned 2. That made life far more interesting for him. He is 3.5 now and a total sweetheart (most of the time!)

ladybirdsaredotty · 04/05/2018 12:28

Yes, my DD1 was the same, except she never once settled in her cot in the day and was also awful at night. I thought I was losing my mind. Also not helped by the HV telling me I was doing it all wrong and she must be able to nap in her cot . She also didn't smile until 10 weeks.

DD1 is now 6, and totally unrecognisable to the tiny, screamy thing she once was. It will pass. Meanwhile, do what you have to do to survive and keep your sanity Don't compare to others with easier babies. It's not your fault

ladybirdsaredotty · 04/05/2018 12:30

(Ps don't panic! It didn't take her until 6 to stop crying and start smiling! Honest )

Tallace · 04/05/2018 12:34

Mine was the same. Have you tried a dummy? I could not have coped without them.

bobstersmum · 04/05/2018 12:43

Op, I do not know if this will help you, there will be people saying it can't possibly help, but it helped me with my dd who has just turned one, when she was the age of your child she became inconsolable. Someone suggested I drink fennel tea and I started and within one day she stopped screaming! I swear I didn't change anything else. Try it because it might help. I still drink it now. I used to have 3 cups a day, now just one. Apparently you can give a spoonful of cooled fennel tea directly to baby for wind as well.

Fleurchamp · 04/05/2018 12:50

My DS was the same. Around that age I remember my mum coming round for the day and being horrified at the crying - she thought I was exaggerating.
She ended up marching me down to the gp as she could not believe a baby could cry that much and not be ill.
He was just a miserable baby. He became much happier at 6 months when we started weaning/ he could sit up and improved further when he could walk (at 10 months, he skipped the crawling stage).
Hang in there. It is so tough. Take time for yourself and tag team with your DH. I used to have shell shock from the crying and could hear it when in the shower.....

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